Everyone's Favorite, Alex Outhred, Doesn't Win WPT Mandalay Bay -- Instead, Joe Tehan, Whose Name Looks Too Much Like "Tehran" for Our Liking, Does
Alex Outhred, a WPT Boot Camp instructor who was also "the pocket cam guy" in charge of picking the hands to show during WPT broadcasts, did not win the inaugural WPT Mandalay Bay championship.
And for that, one can only blame Burt Boutin, the guy who knocked Outhred out in 4th place, and Joe Tehan, the guy who won the whole damn thing.
Two short-stacks who you don't really care reading about got knocked out quickly and the final table was four-handed. Outhred, the clear crowd favorite, had taken some hits, and made an all-in re-raise from the big blind with A-Qo against Boutin. Boutin called with J-J and flopped a set. Outhred was knocked out.
That left the aforementioned Boutin (no word yet if Sexton and Van Patten really enjoyed saying "And Boutin has the Button," similar to how Jim Nance gets a hard-on when he gets to say, "Jose...Maria...Olazabel"), Tehan, and the not yet mentioned Yukon Booth to battle it out.
Now, according to Card Player, Booth became the crowd favorite once Outhred was eliminated (fickle crowd...where's the sense of mourning and loss??? When did we turn into ancient Romans?). Booth joked with the audience, the tournament director, and during one of the breaks, he "borrowed a WPT microphone and proceeded to hold a mock interview with Boutin."
Booth, however, went out with a whimper, as a bad run of cards whittled his stack away. He eventually went out in third, being taken out by Boutin.
After knocking out yet another crowd favorite, Boutin, clearly relishing his role as "the heel," donned a wrestling mask, stood up on the WPT final table, flexed his muscles, and screamed, "I will take on any of you weaklings! I am Burt Boutin! The king of the ring! Stand down before me! I'll take on Hogan! Piper! Snuka! Then we're going to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico! We're going to California and Texas and New York! And we're going to South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan! And then we're going to Washington, D.C. Yeeeeaaaaarrrhhhh!!!" while a chorus of "boos" rained down from the crowd*.
Luckily, much like the Iron Shiek could never get over the hump and take the title from the Hulkster in the 80's, Tehan (at left), whose name looks too much like "Tehran" for our liking, put an end to Boutin's evil ways. On the final hand, Tehan turned a set, besting Boutin's top pair.
For the win, Tehan takes home $1,033,440 and a $25,000 seat at the World Poker Tour Championship. But more importantly, Tehan fills his home country of Iran** with much pride, much more than a World Cup victory ever could (more on this later), which is a good thing, since some in the Arab world believe we're inching closer and closer to getting all Bombs over Baghdad on the country. While obviously we hope that doesn't happen, as we've put enough American lives at risk, not to mention it would only make the Arab world hate us that much more, at least we got Abu Musab al-Zarqawi yesterday, a true sick and evil bastard if there ever was one.
*Imagined. **Not even remotely his home country. He's American. Although he looks like he might've been subject to a few random bag checks at the airport, if you catch our drift. But Joe, you made your country proud. ***Images from Poker Pages. Apologies if they're blurry. Whoever takes their pics has shakier hands than Tom Hanks in Saving Private Ryan.