Be Like Barry and Give a Little . . . or a Lot

:: snake

For many of us in the South, there are three choices for casino poker: Tunica, Biloxi/Gulfport and New Orleans.

We're now down to just one. Tunica.

The Grand Casino Biloxi, which once rested on a barge over the Gulf and was set to be the next stop on the WSOP circuit, was swept from its moorings all the way across the highway, crashing into an apartment complex and businesses (see picture below). The Hard Rock Casino, which was gearing up for its grand opening on Sept. 8, is also a total loss, as is pretty much every casino in Biloxi and Gulfport. Harrah's in New Orleans may be salvageable, but when it will reopen no one knows.

It's eerie seeing it all. I spent my bachelor party weekend gambling along the Gulf Coast. We played poker all the way down from Atlanta and back in a rock 'n' roll tour bus, with a full weekend at the tables in Biloxi in between. I was last down there less than a year ago, shooting a commercial in Mobile and each night after the set broke down, a dedicated group of us headed to the Beau Rivage, the grandest of the casinos in Biloxi. Reports say the Beau was flooded up to its second floor. CNN is showing the roads we took, parts of I-10 and Hwy 90, completely destroyed. As for the Waffle House we hit at 4 am each night, well, I doubt it's there anymore. I also have fond memories of New Orleans. How could you not? Spending a weekend in the French Quarter, eating at the wonderfully diverse restaurants there and listening to some of the best sounds around, whether emanating from a makeshift band on the streets or a major-level act rocking it out in one of city's superb music rooms.

But these are just memories. They will live on, unlike so many lives, towns, homes, businesses and more in the areas devastated by Katrina. I simply can't imagine the realities on the ground right now from New Orleans to Mobile.

Well, I can, and it's awful.

And for those living it, it's hell.

So where do we go from here? Well, please consider giving to the Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund for one. Donate Cash. Be a budding Barry Greenstein, even if it's only one-one hundred thousandth of what he donates to charity. It all counts.

When the casinos rebuild, which they must, as the state of Mississippi desperately relies on the revenues generated from them, be sure to make a poker trip down to Mississippi. The folks along the Gulf Coast are some of the finest people anywhere, and I anticipate when they do resurrect the gaming community down there, the casinos will be bigger and better than ever.

Let's just hope when they rebuild the casinos, the politicians let them do so on land and not require them to float on water. We've seen what happens when you require massive structures to sit on floating barges in the Gulf, right along the path of a hurricane alley.

As for the WSOP circuit event scheduled in Biloxi for Sept. 29-Oct. 12, last time I checked the WSOP site there was no mention of alternate plans, although those are certain now.

The Grand Casino Biloxi website says it all:

"Our Grand Casino locations in Gulfport and Biloxi are closed indefinitely."

The Blogfiles: Tao of Poker

Blogging has fueled the fulmination of poker, and Paul McGuire is living many a poker blogger’s dream.  His site—Tao of Poker—was a primary source of WSOP coverage for the poker blogging community.  He’s taken on poker coverage as a full time gig, writing for Poker Player Newspaper and Fox Sports.  In the first of an ongoing series, we spotlight “Dr. Pauly” and his site, Tao of Poker.

WCP:  Give us a little history on Tao of Poker...

Pauly: I authored a regular blog called the Tao of Pauly and some of my friends were getting pissed that it contained too much poker content. One of them politely requested that I start a new blog and move the poker content off my main blog. Since my blog was the Tao of Pauly, it seemed natural that I call my new blog the Tao of Poker...
 

Katrina Delivers Major Blow to Casinos

(alternate header: "Casinos Fold to Hurricane Katrina," which begs the questions: what's worse, poker metaphors or hurricane metaphors?)

The devastation left in the wake of Hurricane Katrina is astonishing. I've heard estimates of up to 80 people in one Mississippi county alone killed, mostly from massive tsunami-like storm surges. In New Orleans, floodwaters poured into the city over night through levees compromised by torrential rains and winds, and bodies have been seen floating amongst the debris. Throughout the day and night helicopters and boats have been rescuing people from their rooftops as floodwaters continue to rise. 5 million people across Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama are now left without power and tens of thousands are homeless. All across Georgia, quick-forming tornadoes tore apart homes and businesses as the storm made its way northeast.

And here's one startling account that sheds light on the chaos of the storm:

"Thirty-five people swam out of their emergency operations center with life jackets on," Harrison County emergency medical services director Christopher Cirillo said.

"We haven't heard from them."

Depressing yes, and what does this have to do with poker you ask?

Total, Unabated Self-Promotion

No, your eyes didn't fool you.  Yes, that was Wicked Chops Poker quoted in recent Rolling Stone and Men's Journal magazines.

If you have a copy of the Rolling Stone with Coldplay on the cover, flip to page 96.  And while not featured nearly as prominently as Coldplay, we did manage a bit more real estate than Hillary Duff.  Hey, gotta start somewhere...

Gracz & Seidel's WSOP Wins Featured Tomorrow

Tomorrow night's ESPN WSOP coverage is a classic showcase of new school and old school.

First up is Event #7 ($1,000 buy-in with re-buy) won by this year's requisite poker phenom, 24 year-old Michael Gracz.  Gracz has been absolutely tearing up tournaments the past year.  Aside from the $594,460 he won from Event #7, he cleared $1 mill by winning the PartyPoker Million on the WPT, and nearly $300k in the Trump Classic last December.

Next up is Event #9 ($2,000 NLH) won by the pros-pro, Erik Seidel.  This was Seidel's 7th WSOP bracelet.  He outlasted Cyndy Violette and "Tiltboy" Perry Friedman for the title.

THE TOKE: Bots for Sale, Poker + Hollywood Stars Buy In, Poker or Gisele? + 6 Nude/Topless Models

• Bots For Sale. Wired Magazine's David Kushner takes a seat with Winholdem creator Ray E. Bornet II to discuss the first commercially available autoplaying poker software. Wired Magazine

• Poker + Hollywood Stars Buy In. Card Player reports that poker’s most successful players and top Hollywood talent have taken notice of their success by investing in "The Poker Authority." Phil Hellmuth, Daniel Negreanu, Todd Brunson, Jennifer Harman, and Thomas Keller, along with Hollywood stars Laura Prepon, Danny Masterson, and Chris Masterson have all purchased a stake in Card Player Media, LLC. Cardplayer.com

• Poker or Gisele? Celebrity News reports that Leonardo DiCaprio and his pal Spiderman have become so obsessed with poker that neither have time for their girlfriends. Is there anything wrong with that? Celebrity News

• 6 Nude/Topless Models & Servers for Poker Party. This is a recent header for a posting on Craigslist in Washington, DC. Chuck has a thing for Asian girls, the poster likes thin girls and the rest of the guys taste vary from latina, black to white. They promise no funny business and say its just their way of rewarding themselves for long hours of work everyday. Washingtondc.craigslist.org

Bob Costas and Poker: No Love Connection

:: snake

Hey Snorre, meet Bob Costas, the sportscaster's sportscaster, the play-by-play pontificator de puny, and now just one more who has bantered his way on to the bandwagon of bashing poker.

In case you missed it, Costas, while not quite matching your masterful rhetoric that likened poker to sucking the deformed robotic genitalia of some dorky Star Wars character, did unleash a mouthful of mayhem on poker that ranks up there among the best.

The bashing occured on his HBO show "Up to the Second on the Natalee Holloway Case." Oh wait, that's not his show...he wouldn't do that. That's right it's called "Costas Now" . Here's a portion of what Costas said:

Best Poker Stars Icon Ever?

Poker Stars icons suck.

Unless you like baby pictures...of babies you don't know.

Now no offense to the babies seen below.  They may be perfectly cute babies to the parent or the rest of the world, but no one wants to see drooling little tykes at a poker table.  This is poker, not daycare.

No crying in baseball?  No babies in poker.

Playing a recent cash game, we finally found one Poker Stars icon that sums it all up (um, the middle one).  It even got, we hate to admit, a legitimate LOL from Wicked Chops Poker: 

A 'Check' on Poker Clichés

:: snake

Two weeks ago it was Rounders co-writer Brian Koppelman calling for a moratorium on the use of poker clichés by sports writers. ESPN's the Sports Guy fired back, demanding the end to all poker columns period, while the Fool's Jeff Hwang revealed he was fed up with market writers' incessant use of clichés.

So I'm guessing all three would love Sol Sanders' recent cliché-ridden nugget at WorldTribune.com on the upcoming meeting between GW and Chinese dictator, I mean president, Hu Jintao. Read it for yourself, it's a dandy, but here's a bit of play-by-play on some of the greater offenses:

- The article sets up the poker metaphor from the beginning with its headline:
"Hu vs. Bush in a game of new world poker down at the ranch"

- The first paragraph and he's already cashing in:
"Another test comes when China President Hu Jintao cashes in his invitation, supposedly reserved only for allies, to The Ranch in September."

- Third paragraph, a classic, overplayed cliché:
"Bush’s hand has some well known aces."

- Later on, the writer sticks with the 'hand' cliché, but this time changes his mind on Bush's hole cards:
"Bush’s hand has too many deuces."

And from what I've seen the last few months, Sanders isn't the only poli-poker player in the mix. Just go to google.com/news and do a search for "Nuclear Poker" and you'll see that:

Heads-Up With Doyle Brunson

Doyle Brunson stopped by ESPN.com for a chat today. 

Brunson gave a “no comment” on his proposed buy-out of the World Poker Tour (side note: WPT Enterprises again has posted great earnings…nice work if you invested in WPTE back in April like we suggested), discussed the WPT “shooting star” that allegedly lost $4 million at the Big Game, gave his thoughts on the greatest tournament player of all time, and answered the requisite Chops question.  Below are some of the highlights.  Check out ESPN.com for the full transcript.

Brent (SF): Did Gus Hanson get busted in the Big Game earliery (sic) this year?

The Year's Best Poker Movie

You heard it here first—The 40 Year Old Virgin is this year's best poker movie.  In fact, it dominates any poker movie since Rounders.

Yeah, yeah, the movie is “supposed” to be focused on a 40 year-old’s quest to finally...hmm…flop the nuts.  But the crux of his quest formulated at the poker table. 

In fact, poker is the catalytic thrust for all events that transpire in this belly-buster laughfest.  If Wicked Chops Poker had pitched The 40 Year Old Virgin to major movie studios, we would've set it up by saying,  “The 40 Year Old Virgin is a pokeromedy about Andy Stitzer, a meek 40-year-old who has never had sex.  Andy is reluctantly invited to play in his co-workers’ poker game.  Over cards and beer, his co-workers discover that Andy is a virgin and decide to help him become not a virgin.  Hilarity ensues.”

While Wicked Chops Poker spent nearly two solid hours laughing at this epic poker flick, it also got us thinking about a few things…

Calvin Ayre Tip Sheet: Meet Joanna Krupa

Our buddy Calvin Ayre, the grand poobah of Bodog and who we coined the Hef of online gaming, has a knack for recruiting hot famous, poker-playing chicks for his events, with Shannon Elizabeth, Katherine Heigl and Estella Warren being the holy trinity and crème de la crème of Bodog beauties so far. And as more and more poker princesses come forward to profess their love for the game, more and more reasons exists for Bodog and its ilk to host hob-nob parties and red carpet events that merge the cult of celebrity with the cult of cards.

Therefore, as a public service and to offer Ayre a little guidance on who he should be inviting to his shindigs (like he needs it), we at Wicked Chops Poker will on occasion tip off Ayre on gorgeous girls who play the game, have the fame, and shall we say, embody the Bodog name.

So without further ado, here's our first suggestion: supermodel Joanna Krupa.

A natural born stunner from Poland, raised in Chicago and now a full-time California girl, Krupa has won us over on the cover of men's magazines, the catalogues you steal from your girlfriend, major ad campaigns, tv appearances on shows like "Las Vegas" and yes, her spread in the July issue of Playboy Magazine.

And how do we know she plays poker? Well, she makes a point of saying so in interviews as well as declaring her penchant for the game on her website.

A woman clearly after our hearts . . . and bankrolls.

But Calvin, we'll be impressed if you get Krupa to grace the Bodog carpet and felt at one of your events considering that her website also discloses that "in her spare time, Joanna enjoys BetCris.com."

Yep, she’s apparently doing her online wagering at your sportsbook/online gaming competitor BetCris.com. I mean, it's impressive to know that she's possibly an online gambler to boot, even though she's doing it somewhere besides Bodog. But it doesn't appear she's just saying that to pimp BetCris because of some Caprice-like arrangement. So the challenge is out there, and we'll be keeping an eye out to see if you win her over to the Bodog side.

Finally, for those (like BlackSpy) looking for more photos of Joanna Krupa, a great place to start is GorillaMask.net. Start with Ryan P.'s story about his misfortune in Vegas concerning Miss Krupa and then click on his "100 photographs" link.

Enjoy.

Cunning WSOP Coverage

ESPN begins airing non-circuit WSOP tournaments tomorrow night, starting with the record-setting (all of ‘em set records) Event #2 ($1,500 NLH with 2,300+ entrants). 

Spoiler alert: Eventual WSOP Player of the Year, Allen Cunningham, captured the event in a great three-way battle with two non-fish-Fishes, Devilfish Ulliot and Scott Fischman. 

For more detailed coverage of all WSOP tournaments, check the Wicked Chops Poker WSOP section. 

THE TOKE: iPoker, Rounders Radio, Poker Pop Quiz + Celebrity Poker Whiz

: : Thanks to Macpokerplayer.com, Mac users wanting in on online poker no longer need to locate an unused PC or ponder the purchase of Virtual PC software for Mac. Just surf on over to Macpokerplayer.com, which is actually Pokerrooom.com, sign up and start playing. No download required. [Macpokerplayer.com]

: : A Canadian sports radio station recently launched a poker program called Rounders – The Poker Show. It’s on Team 1040 and airs Sunday evenings and is streamed live online. Each show is archived so you can catch up on past shows. So, grab yourself a Molson, head into your favorite online poker room and listen to the show while check raising Nicebluffin02 in a $20 SNG. In between hands, be sure to check out the Team 1040 babes too. [Team 1040] [Bigpoker.ca]

: : Taking tests suck, but a little pop quiz never hurt anyone. Tom McEvoy deals us a poker pop quiz over at Cardplayer.com on when to hold or fold your pocket aces, kings, queens, or jacks. Good Luck. [Cardplayer.com]

: : USA Today previews the new season of Bravo’s Celebrity Poker Showdown. The article notes that Phil Gordon considers American Beauty Mena Suvari a whiz and that Theo Huxtable (aka Malcom-Jamal Warner) won his 6-handed game in an impressive 17 hands.[USA Today]

Not A. Dikshit

While Mike Sexton's influence on poker's fulmination is somewhat underrated...he's no Dikshit. 

Sexton, best known as a commentator on the World Poker Tour, but also an instrumental player in the rise of PartyPoker (which recently made one of the site's founders--Anurag Dikshit--a multi-multi millionaire) and an accomplished pro, stopped by the ESPN.com poker room for a chat today. 

You will need an Insider account to view the full transcript, but Chops was able to get in two questions:

Chops (ATL): Mike...thanks for being a big reason for the poker explosion over the past few years. What exactly was/is your role with PartyPoker.com?

Poker Writers: Fold, Call or Raise?

In early position, Rounders co-writer Brian Koppelman leads out with a pot size bet, requesting all sports writers to stop using poker metaphors. Bill "The Sports Guy" Simmons looks as if he's going to flat call, but sensing weakness, fires off a sizable raise.

"Make it no more poker columns and glorifying poker players to go," he declares.

Next to act is The Fool's Jeff Hwang, a player known for expertly taking stock of the situation. Without hesitation, Hwang calls, saying, in his best Teddy KGB accent, "May the poker writers' bubble burst." He then turns to the financial market writers riding the rail and hollers, "Lay off the clichés, you wisenheimers."

Now the action is on you, poker writer. What's your play?

The Sports Guy Puts a Bad Beat on Poker

Chops here.

Let me get this out of the way first: I look forward to ESPN.com's The Sports Guy's NBA draft diaries like Christmas, my birthday, or daylight savings when we gain an hour of sleep.  Bill Simmons is always funny and typically has the right take on every single issue. 

So you could imagine my surprise when the Sports Guy took out the hammer the other day in his latest mailbag and moved all in against poker metaphors, player glorification, and journalism.

You see, Simmons was asked by Brian Koppleman (writer of the fantastic Rounders and the fantastically bad Tilt), "Do you think it is time for a moratorium on all poker metaphors? Not just in your column, but in all columns in all the magazines and sites?"

"No problem," Simmons answered. And in the spirit of mutual consideration, Simmons then proposed that, in exchange for sports writers giving up poker metaphors, poker writers cease to exist . . . ok, well, he didn't exactly say that, but he came close. Essentially, Simmons sought an agreement to these two terms:

Just How Stupid Are You?

Ever wear an Elmo head to an event in which you were trying to win $7.5M?

Ever check down a straight flush at the WSOP because you had no frickin' clue you had a straight flush?

Ever tell Wal-Mart you refuse to have them sell your dumb t-shirts when Wal-Mart probably didn't even know your dumb t-shirts existed in the first place?

Ever been Val Kilmer?

Well then, yes, you are stupid.

But just be glad you're not as stupid as this kid (click on photo for animation and wait for it to 'load, stupid):

More on Mads “The Worm” Junker

:: snake

So apparently euro-footballer/wannabe grifter Mads Junker is quite the mechanic.

Our friend in Copenhagen, Jonas Hüttel, who covered the 2005 WSOP for Denmark's Ekstra Bladet, just gave us the full scoop on The Junker in response to our story about this star striker for Danish soccer team FC Nordsjaelland who’s been cheating his fellow teammates during games of texas hold’em.

From Jonas:

Hollywood Poker: Hot or Not?

:: snake

I think actor James Woods--as Chad Kroeger may say--is a rockin’ dude. I mean Woods spotted the 9/11 terrorists way before anyone else did, and to boot, he followed that up by portraying NYC mayoral badass Rudy Giuliani in a made-for-television movie.

And yes, Woods is as serious about poker as anyone reading this post.

But is anyone reading this post seriously playing poker on Woods’ site Hollywood Poker, which he co-founded with "World Poker Tour Is Enough" impresario Vince Van Patten? Maybe so, I mean Charles in Charge Scott Baio* apparently is a regular on Hollywood Poker and Mena Suvari has been spotted online but I’ve still yet to meet someone in person who’s played there.

Well, like a lot of poker sites, Hollywood is going with the “sex sells” approach to drum up some bizness; for them they’re looking to give us 12 good reasons to stop by their url with the 2006 Hollywood Poker Girls calendar search. According to Van Patten, "Models from all over the world entered the competition, but our selection of top finalists is the cream of the crop. We had such an enormous turnout for this competition that we, unfortunately, had to turn many gorgeous women away."

Maybe Vince can’t quite spot gorgeous women as well as his partner Woods can spot terrorists. While the caliber of girls they’ve narrowed it down to is far better than the lot Pauly of Tao of Poker shared the other day in his post about a strip club bust, and likely much better than those Redneck Riviera stripwhores he writes about, they ain't Bodog material.

Which reminds me, at this year’s WSOP, an interesting thing to, shall we say, analyze was the model talent hired by each online site. I think any Wicked Chops reader knows our affinity to the Bodog Girls, and really no other poker site came even close in talent. Paradise Poker did have a cute non “model” working for them, as did CardPlayer, and Poker Stars at least had Erin Ness, but when talking about paid talent, there wasn’t even a close second. And to go further, and this is sad to say, but the Doyle’s Room models would be serious contenders in a Ms. Fugly Pageant against the aforementioned busted strippers. I love ya Doyle but please next time let Wicked Chops do the hiring.

Anyway, this is America so do something patriotic and help Woods and Van Patten pick their 12 by voting for your favorites at www.hollywoodpoker.com. The chosen will be featured in the 2006 Hollywood Poker Girls Calendar and participate at the Calendar Launch Party this November in Hollywood, CA. Players who vote will automatically enter a drawing to win a trip to the launch party, which we don't expect to be up to Calvin Ayre standards, but if Suvari stops by, it may be worth it . . . at least you'll be able to finally say you've met someone in person who plays at HollywoodPoker.com.

(* Re: 6 Degress of Carmen Electra, Scott Baio's an easy one -- Scott did Pamela Anderson did/does Tommy Lee who did Carmen Electra)

Mads, Howabout a Kick in the Junker?

:: snake

Gus Hansen isn't the only Dane in a bit of a poker induced jam.

Mads Junker (seen here heading the ball, click on photo for much better soccer photo), the star striker for Danish soccer club Nordsjælland, has apparently been cheating his "kick in the grass" mates during friendly poker games on bus rides to away games. No word on how he was doing it but according to team manager Johnny Petersen, "Så må han på banen vise de kvaliteter, vi ved, han har."

I think that translates to, "What can you expect from a pseudo faux-hawk headed footballer with a name that rivals everyone's favorite weed tokin' poker player Gank Jungblut?"

Strangely enough, we even asked "smoke 'n the grass" Gank for a comment on the Junker. Here's what he said:

"What? (inhale...long pause...exhale...cough, cough...giggle). Oh, hey Snake, you know what's worse than a (inhale...long pause...exhale...cough, cough) . . . uh, do you have any Doritos?"

"No Gank, please go on with the joke."

"Oh ok, yeh, you know what's worse than a ball hog on the grass?"

"What Gank, what is worse than a ball hog on the grass?"

"You sure you don't have any Doritos man?"

"Gank . . . the joke, finish the joke."

"What joke . . . oh yeh, you know what's worse than a ball hog on the grass?"

"No I don't"

"A grass hog on the bong? (giggle..cough, cough)"

Performance Enhancing Poker

Chops here.

In light of Rafael Palmeiro’s recent juicing bust, I got to thinking: can steroids enhance your poker game?

The conclusion, for me at least, was a resounding “no.”   The reasons, let’s just say, are “many,” such as:
Rake rage.  If you thought the rake rage you see online is bad, imagine sucking out on a juiced player at a live game.  That guy across the table with the big head, small sack, and back acne would splash the pot with you. 
Cardiac problems/high blood pressure.  According to steroids.com, these are some of the most serious steroid complications (along with annihilating your liver and kidneys, of course).  Brothers with glandular problems would be dropping like flies.
Breast enlargement.  Except for maybe Crazy Canadian Brian Zemic (aka, Exhibit 498,765 why America Jr. sucks), I bet most people would actually think that breast swelling could be the most serious side effect.  Unless you’re a boob-guy.  Then I guess it would rule.

We can all agree then that steroids won’t help your poker game.  So what will?  Here’s some thoughts...

Which One is Not Like the Others?

:: snake

I just registered for the chance to ridicule Nickelback singer Chad Kroeger for his utterly awful lyrical sensibilities, or put another way, for a seat at the second annual Vegas Rock Star Poker Tournament, an event that will let one (sort of) lucky winner play side-by-side with major rock stars this August 25th to 27th at the Palms.

Leave it to the event’s promoter, Clear Channel Entertainment, to screw this up, which would have been great if it stuck with just its original headliners: the legendary Gene Simmons, the damn-he’s-a-lucky-short-dude-with-a-goofy-goatee Dave Navarro and the “Rooster” crooner Jerry Cantrell of Alice in Chains. But for some reason Clear Channel decided to put Chad Kroeger at the table with these three legit rock luminaries. You know Chad, right? From the Spiderman song and lead vox for Canada’s worst export since really pale liberal people with dumb accents, Nickelback. I mean winning a seat at this poker table would be like being invited to play strip poker against Victoria’s Secret models and then at the last second they tell you a model for Chico’s is joining in. Couldn’t Clear Channel pull some strings like a good overpowering monopoly is supposed to and get Bono to play for Africa or something? Perhaps Kroeger threatened the entertainment behemoth with a new radio single that he’d force them to play on all the radio stations Clear Channel owns, which in case you don’t know is all the radio stations that exist.

Anyway, always the optimist, maybe it isn’t so bad because I love good table banter and the chance to harass Chad about some of his lyrics would be almost as enjoyable as playing a game of Six Degrees of Carmen Electra (think penetration, not separation) with Dave Navarro.

“Hey Dave, name any actor.”

“What?”

“Just go ahead and name any actor or actress?”

“Uh, ok. Howabout Carrie Fisher for those non-poker playing Star Wars geeks?”

“Let’s see . . .

Showing Pink

:: snake

We promise we won't miss something like this again.

Apparently while we were in the trenches covering the WSOP in Vegas, Victoria's Secret models were playing strip poker online and showing "pink." Well, perhaps not the kind of pink you're thinking but pink panties nonetheless, which I guess really isn't strip poker but panty poker or "Pink Panty Poker" to be exact. The viral (in a marketing sense, thank goodness) advergame of that name was fully backed by the entity responsible for the thong revolution (no, not you Sisqo), and was created by ad/pr gurus Crispin, Porter + Bogusky. Unfortunately for those currently looking to toss clothes instead of chips, the link to the site is now dead. I guess the shortlived site didn't take off quite like Crispin, Porter + Bogusky's other creation, Burger King's Subservient Chicken.

Wait, now there's an idea: the Subservient Victoria's Secret Model. No need to hit queens full in order to see her slide out of those jeans ...just type "Get naked already, can't you tell I'm a hard up, married guy who's suffering like a kid who knows exactly what he's getting year after year for Christmas when he unwraps his gifts?" If you try telling the Chicken this he'll just rudely wave his finger at you like the cock he is while you sit there wondering why the hell you just asked a chicken to get naked.

Um, anyway, I guess there are sites out there for strip poker. When I was googling around about Pink Panty Poker, I came across a blog that suggests a strip poker site that is apparently free. I can't vouch for how it actually works 'cause I'm in a public space right now with a mom of three looking over my shoulder wondering what "Showing Pink" is all about.

Try Busting A Nguyen Without Busting Your Bankroll

If you're hanging out in a Jocks and Jills around Atlanta next Saturday, that "I bluff you with 8-3, baby!" or "Your Ace King is no good!"  you hear isn't coming from ESPN's ten thousandth replay of the WSOP.  Nope, you'll be hearing that and many other beer-induced-broken-English hilarities from two of poker's all-time greats: Men “The Master” Nguyen and Scotty Nguyen.

The two Vietnamese-born pros will be playing a free tournament at the Jocks & Jills in Alpharetta to raise money for their charity, the Vietnamese Children's Fund. Proceeds raised from the event will be used to build schools and playgrounds in Phanthiet, Vietnam--the Master's hometown. 

The event starts at 5pm on August 13th.  You must pre-register to play at GeorgiaBoyent.com.

To top it all off, you'll have a chance to meet Madeline Ungar and Stefanie Ungar, widow and daughter of arguably the greatest NLH player of all-time, Stu Ungar.  They're in town to promote the book, “One Of A Kind” (by Nolan Dalla with Peter Alson).   

A Big Pair Can Only Get Jessica Simpson So Far

Giving new meaning to the expression, "poker in the rear," you can now hone your hold'em skills against Daisy Duke v.2k5, Jessica Simpson.

Thanks to Warner Bros., horny teenage boys all over the land that were searching for pics of Jessica Simpson on the Dukes of Hazzard Web site (like the one we stumbled across here, which is strictly beside the point) have even more reason to get hooked on the great game of poker. 

Wicked Chops played a few virtual hands against the buxom booty, and we have to admit that we found Jessica Simpson to be surprisingly tight...but easy. 

Let's put it this way, she may start off with a big stack, but if you keep pounding away, she wears down quickly...just ask Johnny Knoxville or Bam Margera.  Seriously though, the game isn't tough to crack, and you can be done with her in about two minutes, but we're sure you'll boast to your friends that it lasted a little bit longer.

Visit the official Dukes of Hazzard site to play.  It's probably a better investment of your time than the actual movie anyway.   

Age Old Question Answered

Last week in the post entitled "God, Nipples and Poker", we opined on the query, Is Poker a Sport?, while also suggesting that this debate is soon to join the ranks of age old questions such as: What's the meaning of life?, Is there a God?, Are we alone in this universe? and Why do guys have nipples?

Well, apparently we have the answer to one of those great mysteries. In a new book entitled "Why Do Men Have Nipples," Billy Goldberg, an emergency medicine physician, and Mark Leyner, a bestselling author and well-known satirist, offer factual answers to some of the big questions about the oddities of our bodies-- you know, like how do people in wheelchairs have sex and why does asparagus make my pee smell?

But as far as we can tell, the two still don't provide any reasonable biological explanation for the oddity of that guy sitting next to you at the $4-$8 table at Hollywood Park who smells as bad as rotting meat tied to a skunk in an un-airconditioned elevator filled wall-to-wall with (fill in the blank with the name of an ethnic group known for smelly people...I'm way to politically correct to do so) plumbers who just had a port-a-potty explode on them, or you know, like Barry Paskin.

So why do men have nipples?

Males and females all start out in a similar way in the embryo, the book explains. The embryo follows a female template until about six weeks, when the male sex chromosome kicks in, and by then us men have already developed nipples.

Interesting.

Now back to is poker a sport.

"**** U!!!"

Chops here.

It’s seriously one of the best feelings in the world. 

You’re online.  You’ve followed pot odds and instincts to decimate the stack of some drunken/stupid/raging rounder.   Then, as you’re counting your virtual chips, the assault begins:
“**** you!”  “I hate this site!”  “River stars!”  “Nice catch ******”  “Go buy a lottery ticket!”  “******* *******!”

In poker, does it get any better than this?

Reading a recent CBS News article on the cleaning up of tournament poker, I was reminded of all the rake rage I’ve witnessed at online tables. 

For good players, online poker should be like shooting fish in a barrel.  Yes, playing online can sometimes drive me up the freaking wall, and yes sometimes I want to jump out my window and fall four stories to the cold, hard cement below.  Why?  Why?  Why do you limp in early position to eventually call my pre-flop raise with A-2 and hit an Ace on the flop when I have K-K?  Why?

But I keep reminding myself that over the long haul, if you play a solid game, you’ll make money. 

Still, regardless of how correct your decisions are, someone is bound to go off on you for taking a pot from them every now and then.  And it never stops being hilarious.

For example…

Know Noble Now

Oh yes, we know that their banners are ridiculously obnoxious. But we found one that hopefully won't induce an epileptic seizure, so keep reading...

For the many of you who signed up on Noble Poker through our site: 1) thanks, and 2) now it’s time to take advantage of that deposit. 

Yesterday, Noble launched their $1,000,000 Sit 'N' Go Challenge.  The first player to win 7 consecutive $10 Sit & Go (SNG) tournaments will earn, as they put it, a “cool million!”

Other prizes include:
- Win 6 tournaments in a row and you get $75K
- Win 5 consecutive tournaments earn $25K
- Finish in one of the top 2 positions for 5 consecutive times and you’ll grab $250

If you haven’t signed up with Noble yet, this is worth a shot.  If you have signed up, then have at it.