Hellmuth Hosts, Alexander Aces Celebrity Poker Showdown

In all likelihood, our readers do not watch Celebrity Poker Showdown. 

In fact, like many other once popular Bravo shows, less and less people have been watching CPS in general.  Bravo has a knack for sending once great shows to premature graves.

But with American Idol idle until January and only being able to find Lost re-runs on the tube, the timing was right to check out the new season of CPS.  Plus, it moved locales from the uber-mctwistian-trendy Palms in Vegas to one of WCP's favorite cities, New Orleans.  Plus plus Phil Hellmuth took over co-hosting reigns from that other tall Phil, Gordon. 

Some thoughts...

Top 10 People Who Hate WCP - Part II

Last week we discussed why Dayne Baverman, Al Qaeda, David Williams, Nickelback, Demi Moore & Gisele Bunchen, and students at Northern Marianas "College" hated us.  Now, the epic conclusion of the Top 10 People Who Hate Wicked Chops Poker...

5. Ja Rule - A last minute addition to our list, Ja Rule is. After our post over the weekend, we are sure he would diss us in a rap...if he knew how to diss...or how to rap.  Even worse, the most pub Ja has received recently is from our article poking fun at his new poker site, which then got fed to this Clay Aiken fan site. Since this Aiken fan site apparently is so well-read that it will be our new Top Referrer by the end of the week, it's highly probably that Claymates or Clayiacs or whatever the hell they're called have suddenly and unexpectedly provided Ja with even more non-fans than he has ever had before.

4. Anna Benson - We love Anna Benson of golddiggerpoker.com.  Seriously, we do.  So what if she's a (publicity) whore? We don't care. This ex-stripper is getting paid. Listen, it's not like she's sore on the eyes. And she likes poker. And would let a whole team of ballplayers poke her if her on-again-off-again hubby ever cheated on her. What's not to like?

Coming This Week On Wicked Chops Poker...

Ok, so we didn't get to everything we said we would last week.  These "Coming This Week" lists aren't etched in stone tablets.  Also, a quick hello to Steve Dannenmann, who we spoke with on the phone while he was at a bar after the Cubs game yesterday (after he bumped into FOWCP Maxwell J.).  The picture below if for you...

:: Completion of Top 10 People Who Hate Wicked Chops Poker List. Last week we named peoples 6-10. This week, we may get around to naming 1-5.

:: Finally, Our Final Vegas Trip Report. Part I was epic. Part II was uber-epic. Part III of the trilogy will be biblically-uber-mctwist-epic.

:: Thoughts on Bravo's Celebrity Poker. We first broke that Phil Hellmuth was replacing Phil Gordon as host of the show. Hopefully we'll have some words from Hellmuth himself about the new season up for you tomorrow.

:: Friday Night Parting Shot. Each week, we leave you with a lovely lady. This week's Parting Shot will come via request of last year's WSOP ME runner-up, Steve Dannenmann.

:: Update of the Top Referrers List. Currently ruled by Pauly, that will all change this week. Somehow, our Ja Rule post got us linked up on a Clay Aiken fan site. Now, they're one of our top referrers. God works in mysterious ways.

Snake and The Addict, of WickedChopsPoker.com, Issue Response to Chops, of WickedChopsPoker.com

Buy this T-Shirt at Amazon.com.

Chops, of Wicked Chops Poker, Has Entered the Poker Stars Blogger Tournament...Will Snake and Addict Follow?

Chops, co-founder of Wicked Chops Poker, has registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker. For real. This online tourney on Poker Stars is exclusive to bloggers, bitches.

Registration code: 5423851, in case you were wondering.  You KNOW that you were.

The only question remaining is: will Snake and Addict join him? The online world awaits the answer, similarly to how they wait for the final Vegas trip report, which will be posted this week, and will be worth the wait, for real... 

Jeffrey Atkins, aka Ja Rule, Starts Poker Site

Call it a sign of the Apocalypse. Or perhaps it just means the Second Coming of Tupac is near (Praise be to Tupac). Or maybe we should just call it what it is, a ridiculously absurd idea. Announced last week but taking us a few days to digest and discuss the sociological and geopolitical implications of, Ja Rule, the most insignificant rapper since some shorty sounding like the cookie monster rose to insignificance with "Holla Holla," has started his own poker site via the Action Poker Network called StarsonPoker.com

Above is a screen capture of what you'll see when you go to StarsonPoker.com, so whatever you do don't feel like you need to visit the site. 'Cause that's what you'll see there. Oh, and according to the press release, you'll also be able to "enjoy unique features like a link to recording star Ja Rule's website; a music player with Ja Rule's music, and an online store with cool merchandise from the top hip hop player in the music business."

How in Tupac's name is a link to Ja Rule's website a "unique feature?"

And Ja Rule the top hip hop player in the music business? WTF? Maybe he should change the name of StarsonPoker.com to RapperonCrack.com.

You don't have to be as deeply entrenched in the rapper community as Wicked Chops Poker to know that Ja Rule is completely irrelevant these days. Clay Aiken would command more respect walking around OzzFest than Ja Rule would walking down Jamaica Avenue. Well, perhaps that's going too far, but let's just say Ja Rule is a poor man's Ludacris, earning his keep mainly by rapping on other people's R&B songs and thinking he's got some acting chops. Luda of course can act, can rap and no doubt his sure-to-come poker site, ChickenNBeerPoker.com (or maybe it will be ChickenandWafflesPoker.com), will be more successful than Ja Rule's.

Or to put it in poker/SAT terms, Ja Rule is to Biggie Smalls as Robert Varkonyi is to Stuey Ungar, and to boot, Ja Rule and his boys apparently like to slap girls.

And if you think we're dissin' Ja Rule too hard, consider what 50 Cent had to say:

Lil' nigga named Ja think he live like me
Talkin' about he left the hospital took nine like me
You livin' fantasies nigga, I been checkin' deposit
When your lil' sweet ass gon' come out of the closet?
Now he wonderin' why DMX blowed him out
Next time grown folks talkin', bitch, close yo mouth
Peep me, I take this war shit deeply
Done seen too many real niggaz ball to let these bitch niggaz beat me

The only redeeming quality we can find about Ja Rule is that he helped introduce us to Christina Milian when the two paired on 2000's Between Me and You. And for that we turn this discussion to photos of Christina, after the jump.

Feldman Finishes First at Harrah's WSOPC Championship

In a colossal heads-up battle between two true heavyweights, Peter Feldman beat Gavin Smith to win the WSOP Circuit championship at Harrah's. 

Feldman, known by the handle "Nordberg" (and a poker blogger no less: Nord's Blog) banks $532,950 for the win.  This is Feldman's second major tournament cashing, as he just missed the WPT Borgata final table in February of this year.  In all a very deserving win, as Feldman was at or near the chip lead just about the entire tournament.

Final table payouts: 2) Gavin Smith - $293,930, 3) Matt Russell - $161,500, 4) George Abdallah -$129,200, 5_ Kenny Brown - $96,600, 6) Dana Diephouse - $80,750, 7) Allie Prescott - $64,600, 8) Ben Gordon - $48,450, 9) David Babin - $32,300, 10) Brian Townsend - $22,610.

* Photo from Poker Pages.

Gavin Smith Takes a Ridiculously Large Chip Lead, Belly, to WSOPC Harrah's Final Table

WPT Player of the Year Gavin Smith will take a Gavin Smith-sized chip lead to the WSOP Circuit championship at Harrah's final table.

Smith soared to the chip lead when he busted out Phil Ivey in 14th place. Smith, holding pocket Kings, flopped top set. Ivey held A-K.  Smith bet out, Ivey re-raised all-in, and Smith called holding the cold stone nuts, a funnel cake, and a Krispy Kreme donut.  Smith ended the day with 645,800 chips.

In second overall is Day 3 chip leader Peter Feldman, stacked at 223,400.

Remaining final table chip counts include: 3) Ben Gordon - 170,600, 4) Allie Prescott - 163,500, 5) George Abdallah - 148,900, 6) Dana Diephouse - 109,400, 7) Brian Townsend - 102,000, 8) David Babin - 86,900 9) Matt Russell - 34,200 10) Kenny Brown - 17,600.

*Photo from Card Player.

Friday Night Parting Shot: Jessica Simpson/David Lee Roth

Jessica Simpson, our hands-down favorite Simpson (other than OJ), always looks incredibly hot.

Well almost always.

Apparently there are rare moments when she looks identical to Mr. "Just a Gigolo" himself, Diamond David Lee Roth.

Photos of what Jessica Simspon looks like when not looking like David Lee Roth after the jump.

Feldman First at WSOPC Harrah's, Ivey, Smith, Corkins Among Leaders

With only 27 player remaining, Peter Feldman, who is not related to ESPN Poker Club's Andrew Feldman, awesome '80's actor Corey Feldman, or Tiltboy Perry Friedman, leads the WSOP Circuit championship in the Big Easy.

Feldman is stacked at 143,700.  Right behind Feldman is poker's future all-time great, Phil Ivey.  Ivey will start the day tomorrow with 138,600. Day 1 chip leader Gavin Smith is still near the top, sitting fourth overall with 116,900. And fifth overall with an even 100,000 is the man whose last name sounds like something we'd least want to ever have happen to us, Hoyt Corkins.

WCP: "Man, I got thrown in the clink last night, and this big burly biker Corkin'd me."

FOWCP: "Ah dude, you've been Corkin'd!"

WCP: "Yeah, I hope nobody ever Corkins me again."

FOWCP: "I hear ya.  Last year I was throw in a cell overnight and some victor Ramdin'd me.  Not fun."

WCP: "Trust me, I'd take a ramdin over a good ol' fashioned corkins any day."

Chip counts at Poker Wire.

Pass the Tissues - Richie Splits with DJ AM . . . Again

Why we do report on this particular on-and-off relationship time-and-time again?

Perhaps it's just because we like the photo we took of Nicole Richie and Bodog celebrity pokerer DJ AM at the 2005 World Series of Poker.

Why is news coming out now that Nicole Richie and Bodog celebrity pokerer DJ AM have once again called it quits?

Perhaps it's because the new Simple Life on E! sucks. Nothing helps a sucky TV show or movie better than celebrity gossip. Right Bradgelina?

Or perhaps it's because Richie was banging Jackass Steve-O when she wasn't working the AM shift, so to speak?

And speaking of Steve-O, is he really dying?

And is Britney Spears finally dumping K-Fed?

And are Tom and Kate (aka Katie) fighting?

And is Jessica Simpson and David Lee Roth the same person?

For the answer to the last question, you'll have to wait for today's Friday Night Parting Shot. As for the others, go somewhere else.

Smith, Ivey, Bloch Lead WSOPC in New Orleans

Poker is back in the Big Easy.  And some of the biggest guns have the biggest stacks at the WSOP Circuit championship at Harrah's. 

Over 160 players entered the event, and only 57 remain.  Leading them all is WPT Player of the Year (and this week's guest on ESPN's Poker Edge radio show) Gavin Smith.  Smith is stacked at 106,900. 

A few places back, a trio of poker's best tournament players lurk. Phil Ivey, who T.J. Cloutier conceded has a chance to be the best poker player of all-time, is fourth with 71,600 in chips. Fifth overall is Hoyt Corkins with 69,775. And the cerebral Andy Bloch sits sixth overall with 68,500.

For full chip counts and live blogging, check out Poker Wire.

Brian Balsbaugh: The King of Poker Royalty

Slick, fast-talking, and cut-throat.

Brian Balsbaugh doesn’t fit the profile of your typical agent.

Not that he isn’t slick, fast-talking, or cut-throat (and we mean this is the nicest sense, seriously).  To be a successful agent, these characteristics are almost prerequisites. 

What distinguishes Balsbaugh from your stereotypical agent is that, if he wasn’t an agent, he could be one of us, another one of those Wicked Chops Poker guys (again, we mean this is the nicest sense, seriously).  And it’s not just because he looks like he could still be carded when ordering drinks at bars although he’s well into his 30’s. 

While snapping some pics of him for this interview, “Bbals,” as he’s known in some circles, shined a classic shyster smile and pointed both fingers at the snapping camera lens, saying, “Hey, don’t you want the classic agent pose?”

That self-effacing self-awareness and regular-guy appeal has helped propel Balsbaugh to become the preeminent poker agent, while launching his company, Poker Royalty, to be the absolute dominant force in the player representation field.  No one else comes close to matching his stable of clients.   

Wicked Chops Poker sat down with Balsbaugh recently to find out how this Midwestern mid-tier golf agent became a totally unique Sin City success story.

Bob Goodlatte Would've Been a Great Representative...During the Wilson Administration

Rep. Bob Goodlatte (R-VA) would've been an awesome legislator...in 1920. 

And back then, we could give him a pass for not knowing any better.  But just as alcohol prohibition failed, creating enormous law enforcement headaches, Goodlatte's legislation, if it passes, will do the same. 

Today, the House Judiciary Committee will mark up bill H.R. 4777, the Internet Gambling Prohibition Act.

"I am a big advocate of opening up the Internet to all kinds of legitimate uses," says Goodlatte, who then continued with this gem: "But we don't want the Internet to become the Wild West of the 21st century."

Uh, we're about 14 years too late for that one.

Goodlatte continues by saying that Internet gambling leads to "a whole host of ills in society."  The same thing was said before the Government banned alcohol in the 1920s. 

On Goodlatte's website, he claims that Internet gambling currently, "threaten[s] the ability of states to enact and enforce their own laws." However, as Michael Bolcerek, head of the PPA told us, Goodlatte's bill has "no funds allocated for enforcement or a laughable amount."

And twice on Goodlatte's website he states pro-regulate it and tax it facts. First, he says that Internet gambling activities "...suck billions of dollars per year out of the U.S. economy..." And later he says, “Gambling on the Internet has become an extremely lucrative business...Numerous studies have charted the explosive growth of this industry, both by the increases in gambling websites available, and via industry revenues. Internet gambling is now estimated to be a $12 billion industry, with approximately $6 billion coming from bettors based in the U.S." Seems like keeping it within our borders and taxing it might be a smarter route, don't you think, Bob?

The illogic and early 20th century mentality of Goodlatte is remarkable (in a bad way). Visit the PPA today and sign up to help make sure Goodlatte doesn't get his way.

The T.J. Cloutier Wicked Chops Poker Interview

Stature.

T.J. Cloutier has stature.

TV does not accurately convey just how big of a man T.J. Cloutier is.  The former football star takes up a lot space at a poker table. 

Which is good for him, since he often needs that space to place everyone else's chips. 

No poker player alive has T.J. Cloutier’s wicked tournament chops.  Cloutier has won more major tournaments (59 and counting) than any other player.  He has six gold bracelets to his credit.  Barring a bad beat, he’d have that WSOP Main Event championship as well. 

Wicked Chops Poker sat down with Cloutier at the Java Coast in Caesar’s Palace hours before he busted out of the WSOP Circuit Main Event on the first hand (typically, it was on another bad beat, as Cloutier’s flopped nut flush got beat by a turned boat).  Of course, Cloutier had gotten his money in the middle with the best of it.  He almost always does. 

We’re honored to bring you the Wicked Chops Poker Heads-Up Interview with T.J. Cloutier. 

WCP: T.J., thanks for taking the time to talk to us.  Even with the influx of new, young, hyper-aggressive players, you’re still posting major tournament wins.  Have you adapted your game at all the past few years, or have you just kept doing what you’ve always done?

T.J.: All you can control is the table you’re on.  If there’s 2,000 players in a tournament, all you should be concerned about is the other 9 players at your table. 

The only big difference now [with the increased tournament fields] is you have to get through so many more people.  You have to worry about getting outdrawn more.  In the old days you didn’t have to see so many situations where you could get outdrawn. 

But I don’t think overall that the players now are any better than the players back then, that’s for damn sure.

The Blogfiles: BJ Nemeth

Intro: BJ Nemeth is working backwards.  Many serious bloggers launch their site, then get their dream gig writing for one of the pubs out there.  BJ already worked that "dream" gig, for Card Player magazine, no less, when he launched their live tournament blogging initiative. Now, free from the constraints of publication affiliation, BJ's got his own blog up, providing his unedited insight and opinions to the poker community for the first time.

WCP: When did you get your poker blog up and running?

BJ: Using Apple's iWeb software and my existing .Mac account, I put up the beginnings of my website in late April. I started by posting my online portfolio, compiling some of my work (articles and photos) from my time reporting for Card Player magazine. That let me get comfortable with the software for about a week, and start my site with more content than just a few blog posts. (I'm a big believer in the Ted Turner theory that "Content is king.")

The website was ready for primetime when I posted my first blog entry on Sunday, April 30, 2006. I wrote an introduction to my blog, which was basically my mission statement.

WCP: You were with Card Player for awhile right when the poker boom was taking off. How'd you get hooked up with them and what were your responsibilities?

BJ: When the 2004 World Series began, I was unemployed...

"I Want My Voice Heard." "Why?" "Cause I Feel Like I Got One." Taylor Hicks Will Win American Idol Tonight

While we here at Wicked Chops Poker may have a case of the McPheever that's so strong that the only prescription is more cowbell, but that doesn't mean we don't think Taylor Hicks will "be crowned" American Idol tonight.

And just because that little twerp Ryan Seacrest tempted us with the following line about Katharine: "week after week, she's proven that she's got the chops," well, that won't sway our pick. Although it was tempting.

The American Idol results show may or may not be a staple viewing requirement of the WCP Wednesday night home game.  While about 30 million households may or may not watch AI every week, the fact that we may or may not do watch it doesn't not make us uniquely qualified to pick the winner for this season.  The fact that we've accurately predicted every departure in the top 12 does. 

And with that, we'll go with our pick from the get go (which was against all conventional wisdom, mind you)...Taylor Hicks.  While many may have caught the McPheever, more people will have jumped on the Soul Patrol.

Finally, Big Money US Gaming Operators Putting Pressure On Congress To Regulate Online Poker

According to Bloomberg.com, MGM, Harrah’s and other US casino operators are stepping up their efforts to have Congress legalize online gambling.

Just as Wicked Chops Poker has stated over and over again, the gaming operators are finally pressing Congress to keep the $12 billion online wagering business on US soil by legalizing, regulating and taxing it.

Some legislators are starting to see the light. Senator John Ensign (R-NV) said, "The argument the industry is making is, if it is being done offshore, why not bring it in to the U.S. so it can be regulated?... It doesn't look like you can ban it.''

As Michael Bolcerek, head of the PPA, stated in our heads-up interview with him recently, much of the push to ban online gaming in the US has come from the Jack Abramoff backlash. Representative Bob Goodlatte (R-VA) has made significant progress in pushing through his legislation, which looks to amend the 1961 Wire Act so it includes online gambling. However, according to the Bloomberg.com article, Matthew Gerard, a gaming industry analyst at Investec Securities in London, says, ``Ultimately, we think it will be very, very difficult to get any prohibitive legislation through the Senate.''

The casinos, through their lobbying organization (the American Gaming Association), are in the process of conducting a study to determine if “legalization, regulation and taxation of online gambling would reduce the risk of fraud and abuse and increase government revenue.” Regardless of the findings, the association still projects that the online gambling revenues will double to “about $24 billion a year in global revenue by 2010.”

10 People Who Hate Wicked Chops Poker (Part I)

Hate. It’s such a strong word.

Whoever invented the word “hate” did a great job. He/she achieved his/her goal.

Think about it. If the word were called, say, “gish,” then being “gished” wouldn’t sound so bad. “I f’ing gish you!!!” would almost seem like a good thing. “Wow, this person kind of digs us,” is what we’d think if someone screamed “I f’ing gish you!!!” to us. For real.

Now to the point. Over the past year, Wicked Chops Poker has stepped on some toes. When you don’t particularly like about 90% of the people in the world, these kinds of things happen (but readers, we love you, all of you, for real [fist double-pumping chest-area]).

And we are positive that, in some cases, the feeling of disdain is mutual. While we don’t have any “concrete” evidence that the below list of people genuinely hate us, we are at least willing to make the assumption, for the purposes of this article, that they do. Unfortunately, the people we KNOW hate us we cannot mention, for fear of being threatened with yet another lawsuit (unfortunately, yet again, for real).

10. Dayne Baverman:  To recap, Baverman has racked up more than $50,000 in tournament winnings since 2003 including a cash in the 2004 WSOP main event.  However, none of this money is going to pay for the child support for six of his eight kids.  When we found Baverman, he hadn't paid a dime of child support for over a year and owed $31,221 for six of his eight children. He finally got the bad beat he deserved though when he was arrested in the middle of a hand at the Gold Strike Casino in Tunica, Miss. and now faces up to three years in jail for failing to pay child support.  While Baverman may have hated us for calling attention to his deliquency, his ex-wife didn't.  As she put it, "Thank you for being so blunt concerning this deadbeat dad."

Poker Stars Is More Prolific Than the Human Heart

Over the weekend, Poker Stars dealt its 5 billionth hand. 

To put this into perspective, the average human heart beats 2.5 billion times during its lifetime. 

So from when it first launched in 2000, Poker Stars has dealt twice as many hands of poker than the average Joe's heart will beat in 77+ years.

Coming This Week On Wicked Chops Poker...

We here at Wicked Chops Poker are mildly interested in giving you a sense of what content to look forward to each week.  That's why we only give you a "This Week On Wicked Chops Poker" on a sporadic basis.  On that note, here's some content to look forward to this week on Wicked Chops Poker.

:: Heads-Up with TJ Cloutier.  Is there any tournament player in history with more wicked poker chops than TJ Cloutier?  We are honored to have interviewed him, and we'll get that discussion up for you this week.

:: The Brian Balsbaugh Feature.  Balsbaugh, poker's preeminent uber-agent, is so good at what he does, that he's just about the only one who does what he does.  To boot, he's a helluva cool, regular guy too.  Drew Rosenhaus he ain't. 

:: The Conclusive Vegas Trip Report.  Two weeks ago, we left you with the ultimate Moonlighting-esque cliffhanger.  How did our Vegas trip end?  When did the bedlam ensue?  Those critical questions will be answered this week.

:: He Hate Us.  You think people hated He Hate Me?  This week we'll list the Top 10 People who hate Wicked Chops Poker.  You will be shocked and awed like Baghdad circa 1991 + 2003 when you discover who really, really hates us. 

:: The BJ Nemeth Blogfile.  BJ Nemeth brought live tournament poker blogging to the masses.  Now he's got his own blog, and will be featured in our latest Blogfile. 

:: The American Idol Prediction.  As far as you know, we've accurately predicted who will be bumped off American Idol every week during the final 12.  Find out who we think will win the American Idol crown this week between Taylor Hicks and Katharine McPhee.  This has absolutely nothing to do with poker.

:: The 2nd Annual Memorial Day Weekend Best Of...  Last May, we took Memorial Day weekend off and linked up a "Best Of..." from the past year.  But since we'd only been live for two months, the list wasn't so much "extensive" as it was "not extensive."  This year, however, the list is so long, it'll make The Hedgehog look like he just got out of a cold swimming pool. 

The TOKE: Joanna Krupa Loves Poker, It's 'Welcome Back Poker' in the Big Easy, + Phil Ivey Will Have to Wait A Year to Win $60M

:: According to Webster's Dictionary, the definition of the word "perfect" is "Joanna Krupa."  Just last week, we named Joanna Krupa as the Official Wicked Chops Poker Girl of 2006.  After seeing this, in an obvious effort to lure our readers to their site, Titan Poker immediately went out and signed Joanna Krupa to be their spokesmodel*.  Krupa has been tagged, "The World's Hottest Swimsuit Model," although we can't seem to find any evidence as to why she'd be given such a title.  According to Titan Poker, she's quite the card shark too.  Dreeaaam weaver... Titan Poker

:: Big Stacks Back to Big Easy.  The final WSOPC event will take place at Harrah's in New Orleans this coming week.  While we're sure there is some significance in this and real human interest stories in wake of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, we still can't get over the fact that 2006 Wicked Chops Poker Girl of the Year Joanna Krupa loves poker.  Card Player

:: No $60 Million Dollar Baby this year.  According to Poker News, MansionPoker.net's $10 million dollar, six-person, winner-take-all tournament that Phil Ivey was confirmed to enter and that was originally scheduled for July 12th of this year has been postponed until next year and in related news 2006 Wicked Chops Poker Girl of the Year Joanna Krupa loves poker. Poker News

*Unsubstantiated

Friday Night Parting Shot: Shana Hiatt

The band regarded as The Beatles of the 1980's, Cinderella, once said, "Don't know what you got, til it's gaaahhhnnnnn."  Many poker fans right now are experiencing that very emotion, so eloquently expressed by Cinderella frontman Tom Keifer, over former WPT hostess Shana Hiatt.

Not that Shana Hiatt was ever under-appreciated.  But after the failed "Courtney Friel Experiment" and the initial, what's a good word for it, "intrigue" over fresh-faced Miss Polonii Świata 2002, Sabina Gadecki, poker fans everywhere seem to be jonesing for the days when the former Hawaiian Tropics model effortlessly gave her quick mini-commercials for casino & resorts playing host to WPT events, and for her skill-full sound-bite interviews of knocked out players.  "Phil, cards just weren't going your way today, were they?"

So in appreciation of all you brought to the poker table, this Parting Shot is for you, Shana (more at the jump)...

Sabina Gadecki Is Not 12

Earlier in the week we did some background work on Miss Polonii Świata 2002 and World Poker Tour Season 5 host, Sabina Gadecki. Generally, our conclusion was that she looked cute...if you were still in middle school or are addicted to My Space. 

She looked young, folks. 

The first event of WPT Season 5 wrapped this week (the Mirage Poker Showdown won by Stan Weiss), and Gadecki made her debutcki.  Looks like the WPT gave her the old Hollywood makeover, or she aged well the past few years since starring in Stone Street. She still looks young, but heck, she is young, and at least now your employer won't arrest you or wonder about your taste in females if you make her your wallpaper.  Below are some pics from the WPT Web site and from Las Vegas Vegas, as the Prof snapped one as well.  Word on the street from those who have viewed some early Season 5 footage of Sabina is that she comes across as a "baby Shana," and should connect better with TV viewers than WPT Season 4 host, Courtney Friel, who apparently, like, didn't. 

UPDATE: Also check out BJ Nemeth's site for the first interview of Gadecki and more pics...

    

The "Weiss" is Right! (terrible, sorry)Stan Weiss Wins WPT Mirage Poker Showdown

Ok, so we got one wrong.  We are not perfect.  Nobody, even the world's best prognosticators, are right EVERY time.  But should the blame really be on us?

Yesterday, we predicted that the Circle of Outlaw's Robert Mizrachi would take the WPT Mirage Poker Showdown crown.  He ended up being the first one knocked out.  Clearly, Mizrachi folded under the pressure of such lofty expectations.  Clearly.  Had we kept our mouths shut, it would be Mizrachi, not the Nashvillian Weiss (at right), who would end up winning $1,294,755 and a $25,000 seat the WPT Championship.

But Mizrachi f'd it up. 

However, Wicked Chops Poker did accurately call that Elliott Yamin would be sent home on American Idol.  We had also predicted WEEKS ago that Chris Daughtry would go home during Week 4 (for real). 

See, it's a well-kept secret (until now) that during the Wicked Chops Wednesday night home game, from approximately 9-9:30 (PM, EST), the pace of our game grinds to a virtual halt as we watch the American Idol results show, argue who is going to get the boot, and discuss all of the things we'd do to Katharine McPhee (let's just say our homegamers have caught the McPheever, baby).

So whatever, we did get ONE right yesterday.  And overall, we're about 80% accurate in our predictions.  If this were baseball, getting a hit 80% of the time would make us freaking legends. 

For those of you that actually care more about the results than our predicting abilities and thoughts on American Idol, well, you've come to the wrong place.  But we'll give you the results anyway: 1) Stanley Weiss - $1,294,755, 2) Harry Demetriou - $673,272, 3) Devin Porter - $332,937, 4) David Williams - $221,958, 5) Steve Frederick - $166,469, 6) Robert Mizrachi - $129,476.

*Photo from Poker Pages

Avoid Check Raised's Rakeback Tracker -- Unless Of Course You Don't Mind Having Your Online Poker Accounts Wiped Out

We here at Wicked Chops Poker are committed to staying on top of important issues that could potentially harm our readers.  So we'd like to thank Wicked Chops reader jason for sending us this story and asking us to pass it along, although we didn't want to, but begging can get you somewhere with us.

According to multiple news sources, poker application developer Check Raised (supposedly unknowingly) created a Rakeback tracking product that:

"...creates a backdoor into users' computers to covertly store gamblers' information.

The program silently drops four executable files into the player's system and uses a rootkit driver to conceal the operation. The tool's author could then steal log-in information for various online poker websites including Partypoker.com, Empirepoker, Eurobetpoker and Pokernow.

Having gained access, the hacker could then empty the compromised account by playing poker against themselves and losing on purpose."

So if you downloaded this program, probably best you check out checkraised.com's Web site for instructions on how to get rid of it, and then bombard them with emails ([email protected]) asking how exactly they let that one slip through the cracks, or even worse and potentially fatal, send them MP3's of Nickelback songs. 

WPT Mirage Final Table: Will the "Weiss" Be Right? (terrible, sorry) Will The Grinder's Big Bro Break Through? Or Can Williams Come From Behind to Lick Them All?

The WPT Mirage TV final table is set, with Stan Weiss leading the way, stacked at 2,437,000.   Following a trend of recent newcomers making their first major tourney final table, Stan won an earlier event at the Mirage Poker Showdown (the $500 NLH, banking $75,549). 

Behind Stan is the oldest of the Mizrachi brothers, the man responsible for teaching the Grinder how to be a machine, and one of the Circle of Outlaws, Robert Mizrachi.  And what the hell, let's make Robert the Wicked Chops Poker prediction to take the WPT title.  And while we're at it, Elliott Yamin goes home tonight on American Idol. You heard it hear first.

Lastly, David Williams, (WHOM NOTHING INTERESTING HAS HAPPENED TO RECENTLY), continues his strong run, sitting with the fourth biggest (chip) stack at the final table.

Here's the full final table chip counts. 1) Stan Weiss - 2,437,000, 2) Robert Mizrachi - 2,019,000, 3) Devin Porter - 964,000, 4) David Williams - 921,000, 5) Harry Demetriou - 822,000, 6) Steve Frederick - 545,000.

More On the New WPT Hostess Sabina Gadecki

Yesterday when we introduced you to Sabina Gadecki, the new World Poker Tour hostess for season 5, we told you about how she was turned down for a part in Mean Girls because, as she explained, "I looked too innocent."

Well, if innocent means looking like you're 12, which we're pretty sure it does, she's right.

The screen capture you see to the right, as well as the ones after the jump, are from a short film called Pillow Fighters Go!, which Gadecki "starred" in back in 2003, a year after being crowned Miss Polonii Świata 2002 and Miss Polonia World 2002.

The film was a production for Stone Street, an acting workshop Gadecki apparently attended, and doing the math, we're guessing Gadecki, who appears to be a cross between Shana Hiatt and a small child in the film, was 19 at the time.

After the jump are a couple more screen captures, and you can view the entire short film here. Gadecki first appears about 5 minutes in, or in Quicktime parlance, slide the ball about "-------" far. When you see a girl who looks like a cross between Shana Hiatt and a small child, that's her.

Demetriou Leads Stacked WPT Mirage Final 27

Only 27 remain at the WPT Mirage, with Harry Demetriou holding a commanding chip lead.  Demetriou is stacked at 828,000. The man closest to him is Robert Mizrachi, stacked at 693,000. 

Day 1 chip leader David Williams (WHOM NOTHING INTERESTING HAS HAPPENED TO RECENTLY) is still doing well, with 267,000 in chips, good for 13th overall.

Other notables remaining include: 8) Farzad Bonyadi - 317,000, 10) Eli Elezra - 293,000, 11) Haralabos Voulgaris - 291,000, 14) David Singer - 257,000, 15) Alan Goehring - 254,000, 16) Hassan Habib - 220,000, 21) John Juanda - 162,000, 26) Anthony Reategui - 43,000, and 27) Eric Mizrachi - 41,000.

Miss Polonii Świata 2002 Named New WPT Hostess

For being the subject of an endless number of tasteless jokes, Polaks rule.

Take for example, Karol Józef Wojtyła, aka Pope John Paul II. Perhaps one of the most significant men of the 20th Century, the Wadowice-born Wojtyła won over millions of people's hearts as the Pilgrim Pope from Poland, spreading charity, love and peace wherever he globetrotted.

Then there's Maciek Gracz, aka Michael Gracz, who moved to the U.S. from Poland. Perhaps one of the best young poker players today, the Warsaw-born Gracz has won over millions of dollars from other players, eclipsing more than $3 million in tournament winnings in 2005 after capturing his first WSOP bracelet and winning the WPT PartyPoker.com Million IV.

And of course there's Joanna Krupa.

Ahhhhh Joanna Krupa.....

What? Unh? Where were we? (Certainly not in the bathroom of a Greyhound bus or the parking lot of a Bed, Bath, & Beyond, sickos)

Oh yeh, Joanna Krupa, she's frickin' hot. And Polish.

And now there is Miss Polonii Świata 2002 and Miss Polonia World 2002 Sabina Gadecki (seen above when she was about 18 years old, or as some prefer to say, "legal"). According to poker news dot com PokerNews.com, a site that covers "poker news" better than Chris Shilts' Cards, Chips and More sold cards, chips and more, Sabina Gadecki has just been named the new hostess for the World Poker Tour, replacing what's her name who replaced that other girl just a year ago, or so.

By the way, we have no idea what the titles Miss Polonii and Miss Polonia are all about. All we know is that Miss Polonii Ameryki 1998 Annetta Nowosielska (seen to the right) doesn't look very happy being crowned Miss Polonii Ameryki 1998 and that, considering the competition, Sabina Gabecki is the hottest Miss Polonii or Polonia in some time, which means Joanna Krupa never ran for the title.

Anyway, WPT CEO Steve Lipscomb told PokerNews.com, and us personally, through reading PokerNews.com, the following:

"Sabina Gadecki joins us as an exciting, fresh, new face for the all-new World Poker Tour to debut with a new set, look and feel in Season Five. We chose Sabina from hundreds of applicants. She emerged as the right fit because of the star qualities she naturally exhibits."

According to PokerNews.com, the Just Brakes of poker news, Gadecki was discovered five years ago during a trip to New York when she was plucked out of the audience of MTV's 'Total Request Live,' which unbeknownst to PokerNews.com has since been given the TRL-esque moniker "TRL."

According to an article on MSNBC's Current Magazine site, Gadecki is/was an international business major at Fordham University, loves to act and dance and came to New York to pursue acting. She's been in commercials for such products as Axe, Coca-Cola, and Chili's and has come close to landing some big movie roles.

“I was up for a part in Mean Girls, but was turned down because I looked too innocent," Gadecki told Current

Too innocent? We'll wait for the inevitable Maxim, Stuff and FHM spreads before judging that. Until then, Wicked Chops Poker still thinks FOWCP Jen Graham would have been the better choice. Of course, we're biased.

One more photo of Sabina Gadecki after the jump...

David Williams Creaming the Competition at WPT Mirage

David Williams, whom nothing interesting has happened to lately, is just creaming the competition at the WPT Mirage championship. 

After winning the H.O.R.S.E. event at Caesar's two weeks ago, Williams finds himself leading all 197 remaining players at the Mirage, big stacked with 209,550.  And we all know that Williams knows how to handle a big stack.

Others in early contention include: 2) Delfin Lazaro - 172,100, 3) John Juanda - 110,300, 4) Robert Mizrachi - 101,575, and 5) Farzad Bonyadi - 98,700.

Check out Poker Wire for chip counts and live blogging updates.

Friday Night Parting Shot: Joanna Krupa

Editors' note: We sincerely apologize for not posting a Friday Night Parting Shot last Friday while we were in Las Vegas. It was irresponsible, uncaring, insensitive and unwarranted. It will not happen again. Or at least not this Friday.

Coming across a series of photos of Joanna Krupa in the middle of the work day is an absolute productivity killer. Kind of like trying to go back to work after eating Chinese food for lunch, except totally different.

Recently officially declared our Official Wicked Chops Poker Girl of 2006, Joanna Krupa is officially the hottest girl in Christendom, and these photos just may officially be some of the best we've seen of her. Or at the least, they're officially the best we've seen of her with some semblance of clothing on.

Taken for GQ, as well as for you, me and every man on this planet, other than the Taliban, Wahhabis, Puritans and Southern Baptists, these photos were found over at Gorillamask.net, a site we strongly suggest you don't visit unless you're prepared to treat so-called "time" like its some useless commodity meant to be tossed aside like an 8th grade girlfriend.

If you want to learn more about Joanna Krupa, like how she plays poker, be sure to read the profile we did on her a year ago for the Wicked Chops Poker "Calvin Ayre Tip Sheet," which in some ways is the precursor to our Friday Night Parting Shot. In other ways, it was just the Wicked Chops Poker "Calvin Ayre Tip Sheet."

More photos of Joanna Krupa, our Official Wicked Chops Poker Girl of 2006, after the jump . . .

John Spadavecchia Wins WSOPC at Caesar's, Leaving Us No Material To Work With

John Spadavecchia conquered the WSOPC at Caesar's Palace, banking $648,320 (although speculation of a deal being made has been speculated), and leaving us with very little material to work with for this article. 

What can we say?  Spadavecchia, at right, has been around for awhile.  He's respected by his peers.  He's been on the tournament scene since 1988. He has a WSOP bracelet (deuce-to-seven draw, zzzzzz).  Finished third in the WSOP ME in 1994.  Seems like a pretty normal guy.  It's kind of like if a neighbor you vaguely knew, but like well enough because he waves when you drive by and takes care of his front yard, won. 

No funny headlines like David Williams Wins H.O.R.S.E., Is Hung Like One Too for this.  No Goehring, Goehring, Gone!  Nothing.  Nada.  Bupkis. 

We're sure Spadavecchia has had some hardships to overcome in winning this title, so let's focus on that.

Spadavecchia has had many hardships to overcome in winning this title.  But proving his mettle and his sheer strength of will, he managed to overcome those hardships and finally leave a lasting impression on the poker world.  A peer somewhere in the world of Spadavecchia might've said: "I'm so happy for John...wait, it's John, right?  Yeah.  I'm so happy for John.  He's overcome so much to win this title.  Like that one incident or life event, I think he learned so much from it and it's motivated and driven him to become a better poker player.  You know, he's just taken what life has thrown at him, both good and bad, and made the best of it.  He's made lemonade from his lemons.  I mean, I truly admire him for that."

Other people were placed and made money.  You can read all about that here.  What you won't find in this linked tournament summary from that "major" publication though is the true story of hardships overcome by John Spadavecchia.  Nope.  Only Wicked Chops Poker brings you that kind of stuff.

*Photo from Poker Pages. 

The Office: American TV's Best Poker Show

Like fast food, fast cars, and fasting during Ramadan, America can't get enough of poker. 

New poker-inspired TV shows are popping up more frequently than acne on Barry Bonds' back (allegedly).  From Calvin Ayre's Wild Card Poker to Fox's Speed Poker, TV programmers are continuing to invent new ways to brings America's favorite past-time from the card room to your living room.

Tonight, NBC took it one step further, as it successfully shifted its critically-acclaimed The Office (cast at right watching Rainn Wilson's "Dwight" play Pot Limit Omaha online) from being a sitcom to something totally new and genre-busting: a pokercom.

Which leads to the inevitable question: can pokercoms save the sitcom?

It would be only natural for Steve Carell, star of last year's best poker movie, The 40 Year-Old Virgin, to lead the way with The Office's "corporate re-structuring" as a pokercom.

For those who missed tonight's episode, Steve Carell's character, Michael, throws a casino night where much of the set-up for the show's big finale takes place around a game of no limit Texas hold'em (much like what occurred in The 40 Year-Old Virgin).  After the game, the simmering sexual tension between John Krasinski's "Jim Halpert" and Jenna Fischer's "Pam Beesley" finally comes to a head.   We also learn that monotoned Brian Baumgartner's "Kevin" is a WSOP bracelet winner in deuce-to-seven low-ball. 

Maybe earlier episodes would have been even more entertaining (and garnered better ratings) had they incorporated poker as a key show component from the get-go.  As seen in the scene at left, without poker, it's like the life was just completely sucked out of the show.  Somebody needs to deal these working stiffs some cards!

While the poker action was hard to follow at times, and in some cases, completely, utterly wrong (a hand was won without actually seeing a flop), Wicked Chops Poker must hand it to NBC for finding a new way to present poker to the public--something we didn't think could possibly ever be done again. 

While we won't know for sure until the Nielsen Ratings come out if the pokercom can truly save the sitcom, we definitely like where NBC is not only taking poker, but comedy, as we know it.

The TOKE: May ESPN Edition

:: Win a WSOP seat for nothing, get your chips for free.  Wicked Chops Poker isn't sure if we really like or despise that lead-in sentence.  Regardless, or as uneducated yahoos might say, "irreregardless," we do know that ESPN's Poker Club is running its WSOP promo now.  You can win a seat to the big dance for the cost of breathing air.  For uneducated yahoos, that means it's free.  Download the app and good luck.  ESPN Poker Club

:: And while we're talking about the WSOP...  The Club's columnists talk about the WSOP.  Phil Gordon, Scott Fischman, Steve Rosenbloom, and Bernard Lee posted a variety of WSOP-themed articles, with Gordon giving some sage advice on his game plan for maneuvering through THIS year's massive fields, and Lee thankfully focusing on how he impressively maneuvered through LAST year's massive field with little mention of that whole crying episode.  ESPN Poker Club

:: It's not the size of your stack it's how you swing it.  FOWCP Andrew Feldman continues his weekly tipping, focusing this week on how to effectively push your short-stack.  And yes, we're talking about poker.  ESPN Poker Club

McCabe Leads WSOPC Caesar's Final Table

The final table is set for the WSOPC Main Event at Caesar's Palace, and Sean McCabe holds the overall chip lead, stacked at 510,500.  McCabe has won over $250k in tournament earnings since 2005.

Ralph Perry ended a second day in a row as the second biggest stack.  He'll bring 336,000 over to the final table.  The rest of the final table stacks include: 3) Tom Schneider - 323,500, 4) John Spadavecchia - 197,500, 5) Bob Bright - 197,000, 6) Blair Rodman - 195,000, 7) Tony Cousineau - 119,000, 8) Danny Fuhs - 117,000, and 9) Bill Baxter - 93,500.

Jeff King couldn't hold onto his crown as chip leader, as he eventually bowed out in 11th place.

The Blogfiles + Heads-Up with Jeff Sealey

Jeff Sealey is just like a lot of people reading this site.  He's got a good day job, he's kind of a smart-ass, and he plays a lot of poker.  The big difference is that Jeff Sealey is a REALLY good poker player.

Before you start scratching your heads and thinking, “How does a blind dude play poker?”, don’t confuse Jeff Sealey (at right) with blind rock-balladeer Jeff “Angel Eyes” Healey. You know you did.

After qualifying for the 2006 Crown Australian Poker Championship (aka, the Aussie Millions) on Paradise Poker, Sealey finished fifth against a ridiculously strong field. Next week, Sealey is off to the Bahamas to play in the Conquest of Paradise at the Atlantis. Sealey, who is never afraid to speak his mind, keeps it humming. So we present to you our next Blogfile/Head-Up interview…Jeff Sealey.

WCP: What got you into playing poker?

JS: I grew up in a neighborhood of degenerate gamblers (who somehow managed to grow up into productive members of society). 

When I was a kid we played street baseball, whiffle ball,  RBI baseball...and a lot of poker.  Gambling debts were often collected in the form of a 1984 Topps Don Mattingly or a 1985 Mark McGwire USA Team baseball card.  Remember the 1986 Jose Canseco Donruss "Rated Rookie" card?  I used to think that was the coolest card ever. 

Oh how the mighty have fallen...

Will Caesar's Hail to King? Jeff King On Top - Rodman, Seidel Look to Dethrone

With only 27 remaining at the WSOPC ME at Caesar's Palace, we are fortunate that Jeff King has ascended to big stack, because it give us the opportunity for truly uncreative, uninspired headlines, like above.

First though, we'd like to note that when we walked through the tournament room at Caesar's during the first day of the WSOPC, we immediately noticed how nearly every table had two or three "name" pros that some new-comer would have to out-play (or suck-out on) to make it through.

While Jeff King (at right, wearing USA gear, like a good American) technically isn't a "name" pro, he will be, soon.  King has already won a WSOPC ME in March at Caesar's in Atlantic City, besting a final table that included Jesus Ferguson and Mickey Appleman, to bank over $345k.  He's won over $500k in tournament earnings since 2001. 

After Day 3, King is stacked at 168,200.  Day 2 chip leader Ralph Perry is right behind King with 158,300.  Other notables include: 3) Tony Cousineau - 153,000, 5) David Benyamine - 136,700, 6) Blair Rodman - 115,400, 8) Tim Phan - 112,500, 9) Erik Seidel - 108,200, 19) Minh Nguyen - 53,700, 21) Andrew Barta - 36,100, 22) Bill Baxter - 30,300.

Check out Poker Wire for full chip counts and live updates.

* Jeff King image from Poker Pages.

Best Vegas Trip Report Ever (Part II)

Twenty-four hours and 100 browser refreshes on your part ago, Wicked Chops Poker left you wondering when the bedlam would ensue.  The boys had just finished breakfast and were considering multiple bedlam avenues to pursue.   Below, the saga continues. 

On Sunday morning, the boys decided to head off to one of their favorite Vegas card rooms.  This room is located in Caesar’s Palace.  Caesar’s Palace was built nearly 2,030 years ago by Julius Caesar and remains one of the oldest man-made structures in America today.

On the way to Caesar’s Palace, a conversation was started regarding the Mexican flyer boys who smack those wallet-sized paper cards and try to hand them to you.  After dismissing the notion that these individuals took Monday, May 1 off (part of the Mexican work boycott day), the entities that comprise Wicked Chops Enterprises wondered, “Which Mexican invented this whole card smacking thing?” 

You know, one day many years ago one of the Mexican flyer boys (like at left, with the recently re-branded Treasure Island in the backdrop) with a bit of a nervous tick began smacking the cards and soon noticed that said smacking grabbed the attention of naïve passer-byers who would then grab a card only to discover that it was merely an ad for an escort girl.  But then other Mexican flyer boys noticed the increased volume of cards-handed-out by the Original Mexican Flyer Boy (OMFB), and in a true example of imitation being the sincerest form of flattery, they all began imitating the OMFB in a sincerely flattering way. 

Now, while they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, is it really?  Or did this copy-catting make the OMFB angry?  In our experience, imitation is usually the sincerest way to piss us off, so we’d like to wager that that the OMFB was angrier than Santa Anna when he was routed in the Battle of San Jacinto (this is the battle where, essentially, the Alamo was remembered).

When the boys eventually arrived at Caesar’s Palace, they first marveled yet again at how remarkably well the casino has withstood the tests of time.  Romans must have been archaeological wunderkinds or something.   They just don’t make things like they used to…

Good Updates on Bad Goodlatte Legislation

Catching up on some poker news from the past week, there are two great thought pieces on the (recently passed through sub-committee) Goodlatte legislation aimed to curb online poker in the U.S. 

:: Card Player's Allyn Jaffrey Shulman has dropped a comprehensive analysis on Goodlatte's Internet Prohibition Act, effectively summarizing and editorializing all of the key issues.

:: The astutely politically-minded Poker Prof at LVV offers his latest thoughts on the Goodlatte bill, with a focus on eBay and Paypal's sordid involvement in the whole thing.

And make sure to hit up the PPA and Card Player and sign up on their initiatives to keep poker legal. 

Best Vegas Trip Report Ever (Part I)

Two-thirds of the entities (Snake and Addict) that comprise Wicked Chops Enterprises, whose assets include WickedChopsPoker.com (http://www.wickedchopspoker.com/), arrived in Las Vegas on Friday, May 5th, which is also known as a holiday called, "The Fifth of May," which in Spanish translates to something like, "Cinco de Mayo."  When Chops arrived early Saturday morning, all of Las Vegas knew that bedlam would soon ensue, as nobody sets the town ablaze like the three entities that comprise Wicked Chops Enterprises.

Upon arriving at hotel du jour Treasure Island, which has just re-branded under its new TRL-esque moniker "TI,"  Chops met Addict at the Starbucks right past the TI poker room.  Snake was up in the room showering.  Chops and Addict drank coffee and talked about the weather.  When Snake made his way down to the (coffee) bar, all of Las Vegas knew that bedlam would soon ensue.

The Wicked Chops crew began tearing up the town at a restaurant called The Coffee Shop in TI.  They blew their waitress's mind when they ordered french toast, omelets, pancakes, and sides of bacon, hash browns, english muffins, and sausage.  And yes, in case you are wondering, the boys totally cleaned their fucking plates.  So much so that when the waitress came back and asked, "Was everything OK, boys?" comments were made like, "No, we hated it, can't you tell?" as they jokingly pointed at their empty, cleaned plates. 

But when they left the Coffee Shop, some of the craziest shit they've ever done was just right around the corner...

Vegas Trip Report, Part I

Wicked Chops Poker hates poker and we are going to change our name to Wicked Chops Horse Wagering because at least we are winning at that.

So while we kept our wicked prediction chops by picking Barbaro to win the Kentucky Derby, our ability to magically "see" the deck still needs some work.  Fucking magicians. 

We Should Invent a Mexican-Themed Holiday to Celebrate on the Fifth of May

Cinco de Mayo is a time to celebrate all things Mexicali...which apparently we Americans think is limited to getting shitfaced off tequila at unauthentic Mexican chain-restaurants.

So as we Americans celebrate this joyous holiday that we know absolutely nothing about, it is good to see a group of Mexicans joyously embracing an American past-time: poker.

Check out this youtube video and watch as bedlam ensues at a Mexican poker game.  And Happy 5th of May to you all!

*Editor's Note: The people in this video may not actually be Mexican.  They could be Italian or Arab.  It is so very difficult to tell these days.  Now you know what airport screeners have to deal with...

World Poker Tour is Finally Making Money

World Poker Tour Enterprises (WPTE) reported first quarter profits...that's right, profits...of  $3.6 million, or 17 cents a share. Analysts had predicted a loss of 2 cents per share. Perhaps if analysts had contacted Wicked Chops Poker about making some predictions for them they would've gotten that one right.

Last year, WPTE lost about $1.6 million, or 8 cents a share, in the first quarter.  This is what we call a "marked improvement."

WPTE claims that the growth of their television shows and the launch of their gaming site, WPTOnline.com, helped the company exceed expectations.

To Play On Celebrity Poker Showdown Don't You Need To Actually Be A Celebrity?

Celebrity Poker Showdown has just released its line-up of "celebrities" playing in the new Phil Hellmuth-hosted season.  Let's just say the line-up isn't so much a "Who's-Who" list of A-listers as it is a list of "Who-The-Hell-Is-That?"

So open up another browser, get google cue'd or IMDB-ing, and look up these modern day cultural icons participating in this season's Celebrity Poker Showdown:

Jorge Garcia, Andrea Martin, Greg Behrendt, Kim Coles,  Jamie Bamber, Susie Essman, Rocco Dispirito, Jordan Peele, Keegan-Michael Key, Christopher Meloni, and Joy Behar.

Apparently, Adrian Zmed was unavailable.

Clearly We Went to College In the Wrong Decade

If the founders of Wicked Chops Poker could better remember their college years, we would be pissed.

What we do know is this: the college landscape has shifted like oceanic tectonic plates in the southern Pacific Ocean over the past decade.  And because of this, we are fairly certain that we were robbed.

Back in the early '90's, when Chops and Snake attended UGA and Notre Dame, respectively, America was at the pinnacle (that means "height") of the grunge era.  Girls covered their bodies with baggy clothes, wore more plaid than a Scottish marching band and showered only when necessary.  President Clinton then ushered in an era of do-gooderness, Lilith Fair made women want to unite and feel all empowered and shit, and young women had no true role models from reality TV to set their moral compasses by. Seriously, where was Trishelle (seen here striking her trademark pose/position) when we really needed her most to show young women that it was OK to have casual, carefree, consensual sex...frequently.

It was even worse when Addict was in college. The second world war (eventually given the TRL-esque moniker, WWII) had just come to an end.  Women wore thick pantyhoses, beehive wigs, and one-piece bathing suits.  Indeed, it was a time when everyone may have liked Ike and loved Lucy, but nobody liked the idea of loveless pre-marital intercourse.* 

Even worse, the so-called "Internet" was just laying the concrete that formed its informational super-highways when Chops and Snake were in college.  Chops at least got to experience using personal computers.  Poor Snake was stuck in the purgatory between those loud, obnoxious machines they called "typewriters" and so-called personal computers that were the size of W.O.P.R. 

And Addict, well, just pen and paper by candlelight. 

Oh, how things have changed.  Now, ungrateful, snotty college kids get laptops included with their tuition.  Laptops that are being banned by professors because too many students are playing online poker in the classroom.

Yep, not only do college kids these days get to chase belly-baring co-eds in low-rise jeans who think the idea of getting naked on Girls Gone Wild is, "Like, basically awesome, so..." but they get to play poker online DURING CLASS.  Assholes.

So here's hoping that Pearl Jam's new album, just like their epic Ten did in 1991, ushers in a new era of baggy-clothed, prudish, do-gooder, stinky chicks at colleges across the country.  As we've stated before, we love spite.  And to the younger generation, we spite you.

* The Addict isn't actually THAT old. He started college in that ever so pleasant era of AIDS, mock turtlenecks, acid wash jeans and big, poofy, mall hair. And impressively (well, not academically so), he somehow managed to graduate after Snake and around the same time as Chops.

David Williams Wins H.O.R.S.E, Is Hung Like One Too

OK, scratch what we said earlier today about a dry well of good poker content this week...

Sometimes life just tosses you a softball and you've gotta smack it as hard as you can.  Or, err, well, you know what we mean. 

In what almost seems too scripted to be true, just days after the entire poker world discovered that David "Tony" Williams (at right, from the Bodog Rat Pack photo shoot, which is not to be confused with the Cracker Pack photo shoot done by the alleged step-brother of Calvin Ayre, Cooter) made a porno, the very same David Williams rises to the occassion by winning the H.O.R.S.E event at Caesar's WSOPC. 

Williams bested his mentor, Marcel Luske, for the title, and banked over $91k for the win.

After winning, Williams was so excited that he jizzed all over Luske's foot.

We kid. 

This is a great win for Williams, cementing his status as one of poker's great young up-and-comers. 

The TO: People Hail Caesar's + Lindsay Lohan is Starving for Nachos

The well of poker content (or poker content we'd like to cover, at least) is running dry this week.  Maybe not Ethiopia-1984-dry, but maybe more like July-in-Seattle-dry.  Anyway, we here at Wicked Chops Poker are starving for content.  So much so that we can barely bring you a full TOKE.  With that in mind, we bring you this TO (pronounced "toe").

:: Lots of people at WSOPC at Caesar's.  Over 650 quote-unquote rounders entered the first WSOPC event at Caesar's last week, breaking some sort of record.  More than 600 people sweated the more the 600 entrants.  So apparently, people are still jazzed about poker.  Did we mention we'll be at Caesar's in two days?  Just in case we didn't, we'll be at Caesar's in two days.  Card Player

:: What a surprise, we nail another prediction.  We have wicked prediction chops.  Just yesterday, we predicted that Paris Hilton's latest dumpee, Starvos Niarchos (aka Starving Nachos) would be hooking up with Lindsay Lohan soon.  Hours after that prediction was made, rumors began floating that Niarchos and Lohan have in fact been rabbit-dancing.  Scary.  WWTDD

The TOKE: Myspace Isn't Just For Middle-Aged Pervs Scoping For Teenage Girls, Bust Busty Baywatch Babe for Bounty, + She Didn't Lose the Bentley, But She Did Lose Starvos :(

:: Poker + Myspace...whatta pair.  Two-thirds of Wicked Chops Poker love MySpace.  However, Chops hates it, as you can tell by his oft-ignored and shitty MySpace homepage.  However, poker sites like Full Tilt, Empire, Titan, and Pacific Poker (as well as Wicked Chops Poker), are using MySpace as a valuable marketing and advertising vehicle, because Myspace is as viral as Avian influenza (or bird-flu, for the layman).  Poker News

:: Pamela Anderson has big breasts, likes poker.  Joining celebrities Nicky Hilton and Kevin Connolly at Doyle's Room is Stacked's stacked star Pamela Anderson.  After being bumped as the so-called "Internet's" top search engine term by poker, the former Baywatch babe and Wicked Chops fave must've decided, "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em."  Bust Anderson on the site, and collect a bounty.  And speaking of busting Anderson, if you haven't yet watched her Comedy Central Roast, we highly recommend you pick it up, if only to cruelly witness the negative effects that rampant drug use has had on Courtney Love.  That bitch is crazy. Gambling 911

:: Paris keeps Bentley, loses Starvos.  Recently, Wicked Chops Poker's faith in love was restored when (publicity) whore Anna Benson of golddiggerpoker.com re-united with husband Kris (Benson).  Today though, our faith in love has been torn down, shattered, obliterated, and destroyed yet again.  Poker princess and hotel heirress Paris Hilton may not have lost her Bently after-all, but she did lose her latest Greek love, Starvos Niarchos.  No word yet on which American beauty Starvos Niarchos (who if he were to star in Jack Black's new movie Nacho Libre as a Mexican wrestler would be called Starving Nacho) will start banging now that he's single.  But since Wicked Chops Poker are master prognosticators, we'll throw this name out there: Lindsey Lohan.  Take it to the bank.  The Superficial

Wicked Chops Poker Will Be In Vegas May 5 - 9

The entitities that comprise Wicked Chops Enterprises, LLC d/b/a Wicked Chops Poker, aka WCP, aka the Cracker Pack (pictured above, from left to right, Snake, Chops, and Addict...more pics at the jump), will be in that tropical paradise by the sea known as Las Vegas from May 5 - 9--and possibly longer if any one of said entitities qualify for the WSOP Circuit ME at Caesars. 

Joining the WCP crew will be FsOWCP (Friends of...) DMc and Gaybek, and word has it a few 4SPT peeps are trippin' in from LA.  Sammy "Killer" Reid would join as well but he just started a new job this week.  But don't cry for Sammy, that lucky fucker will probably win the lottery while we're gone.  Asshole.

Drop us a line if you'll be in Vegas as well ([email protected]).  While we'll be spending most (read: all) of our time in card rooms, we're always (read: occassionally) up for meeting like-minded souls (read: chicks) who dig cards (read: are hot, preferably Brazilian). 

If any of the WsOWCP (Wives of...) are reading this, we're just being funny sweet honey bunnies. We'll be missing you like that John Waite song, "Missing You". 

Oh yeah, there will be some WCP business conducted, as we'll be talking with the head of Poker Royalty, Brian Balsbaugh, Bodog pro Evy Ng and Absolute Poker pro and model Lacey Jones, among others.  Look for those stories next week. Or sometime.

So we'll see you there, unless, of course, we don't.