Friday Night Parting Shot: Olga Kurylenko

Olga. Let's face it, it ain't a pretty name. It just doesn't sound pretty, and it certainly doesn't bring to mind anyone pretty. Olga is old. She's burly. Somehow she was never young and certainly never cute. She waits in a bread line with big black shoes on and wears a long, dark, heavy, wool coat. And she could kick the shit out of an ox if she had to. But perhaps this preconceived notion is due to our limited exposure to the name Olga. Perhaps it's because we're children of the Cold War and students of the film Rocky IV. Perhaps if we lived west of Berlin, the name Olga would roll off our tongues like the names "Savannah" and "Jen." And perhaps if we had been acquainted with Olga Kurylenko long before a few weeks ago, then we'd already know better. Because it took just one look at the seductively charming face and magnetic green eyes of this 27-year-old actress/model from the Ukraine to wipe away all our preconceptions of girls named Olga and rewrite the book for all those to come, or at least the ones who are supermodels.

You likely don't know Olga by name but, like Wicked Chops Poker, she's kind of a big deal over in Europe where she's been on top of the fashion scene for some time now. She's been the main Bebe model and has graced the covers of all the top 'zines, and she's appeared in several films including starring in the widely acclaimed film "L' Annulaire." She's also done a fair bit of lingerie modeling, and we're not talking the kind of lingerie modeling you're used to down at that crappy ole strip mall, you perv. We're talking high end stuff here, like the stuff you'll see after the jump...

Cantu Can Do! And Can Furst Finish First? God, Sorry, Terrible, No Excuse for Those Headlines

The 2006 WSOP has its first event winner!

Editor's Note: Let's keep it real, the employee tournament, while special in its own way, doesn't really count. Also, our enthusiasm with the exclamation point (!) is mostly feigned. We're excited, sure, just not "exclamation point excited."

Brandon Cantu has won the 2006 WSOP's first [real] title by bagging Event #2 ($1,500 NLH). This is Cantu's first major tournament cashing, and let's just assume that he's swimming in all that money you see right about now in his newly upgraded hotel suite. And trust us, what Brandon is feeling at this moment is hard to top. Big king-sized bed, money sprawled out in a sea of green, three beautiful Asian women wearing nothing but baby oil squirming around in it. It's a feeling everyone must experience at least once. Brandon Cantu, enjoy it while you can.

However, there is a greater question than how Brandon Cantu is enjoying his newly acquired $757,839. And that question is this: Can anyone at Poker Pages take a damn photo that doesn't look like the photographer was smacked upside the head with a mallet when the lens snapped? (Evidence at left) Do they use a camera that has a "Blur Only" feature? We could hold a camera in our mouth while shivering from hypothermia and take clearer snaps then this.

Brandon Cantu bested Mark Ly heads-up for the title. Ly will take home $416,816. The big name pro at the final table, Carlos Mortensen, was the first to go. See how much richer Mortensen and the rest of the final table got over at Card Player.

Also, Event # 3 ($1,500 PLH) will wrap later today, and we'll throw all journalistic integrity out the window by saying we'd really like to see Tiltboy Rafe Furst pull this one out.

However, it won't be easy.

Rafe, who sits third overall with 222,000, will have to deal with the likes of John Juanda (147,000), Burt Boutin (140,000), Day 1 chip leader Can Kim Hua (122,000), and current chip leader Eric Lynch (455,000), among others. A Furst victory truly has some mega-tilt implications, as Rafe would win his first WSOP bracelet before everyone's favorite 6'9 presidential candidate, Phil Gordon. How can two Tiltboys own bracelets (Perry Friedman being the other) before Phil Gordon? We believe the word you're looking for is "preposterous."

But it could happen today. Final table play kicks off at 2pm PST. Check Card Player and Poker Wire for the updates.

* Photos from Card Player and Poker Pages, respectively.

Cards With Keibler

The Wicked Chops Posse tore it up Rocks and Rings style the other night over at our good friend Stacy Keibler's crib up in the Hills. We got a bite from Legs around midnight, saying she was hosting girls' poker night with the usual suspects--Rosa, Michele, Kelly, Victoria, Maeve, Tara and Shannon. Our friends at Bodog were on site to supply the ammo and OK! magazine was there to cover the party.

Totally on point, Legs knows we're the guys who really know how to party and are determined to teach the world this skill. No doubt her and the babies were just looking to get hotwired, so we obliged, donning our Armani Black Label threads and hopping over in our limo with some deep dish and Kelt Cognac XO to set the party right. Being the only men invited of course was flattering, and exhausting, as the women treated us like the sexual toys we are. Sure we could go on with details but we feel sorry that not everyone quite lives the Eudamonistic lifestyle we do. But just to give you a taste, after the jump are few photos we snapped on our blinged-out new Fusic phones from LG. They're not the best quality, but what can we say, we had our hands tied. Literally.

Today's Card Player "LIKE YOUR WERE THERE" Moment

If there's one thing Wicked Chops Poker doesn't have, it's patience. We have millions of dollars, corporate jets, yachts docked at our Martha's Vineyard estates, hearty-sized "endowments" that our beautiful wives enjoy when we're hoyt corkin' 'em. Really we have everything grown men could ever wish for...except patience.

Which may explain, at least according to Card Player, why we have never advanced to the final two tables of a WSOP event.

See, the thing is, patience is a lot like facts...it's just something that gets in the way. Or that's what we thought at least until the worldly and wise talisman Axl Rose came around to show us differently. If you recall, as Axl Rose once said in a song about patience titled "Patience": "Said, woman, take it slow/ It'll work itself out fine/ All we need is just a little patience/ Said, sugar, make it slow/ And we come together fine/ All we need is just a little patience/ [whisper] patience/ Mm, yeah...mmmmm yeah."

So maybe Wicked Chops Poker just needs a little patience to go along with the money, planes, yachts, dongs and wives.

So why should we listen to Card Player when Axl Rose seems to be such the authority? As far as we know, Card Player has never written a song about patience. Rose, on the other hand, not only talked the talked, but recently walked the walk by truly showing his patience when lil' fashion designer Tommy Hilfiger unleashed a flurry of furious little girly fists on Axl because the former great G n' R frontman moved the current terrible fashion designer's girlfriend's drink, or something.

Then again, maybe Rose isn't the authority, because he showed the exact opposite of patience when he bit a security guard's leg in Sweden. What is Axl, a fucking dog?

Anyway, all of this has left us utterly confused. Our minds are spinning. If you can't trust Axl Rose, then who can you trust? And with nowhere else to turn, we are forced to look to Card Player for advice on patience. Luckily, their advice is weaved into a gripping and unforgettable recount of events that took place in the Rio convention center yesterday. Luckily.

Wed Jun 28 21:47:00 PDT 2006
Play and Crowds Tighten Tables

As crowds begin to close-in tightly around the final two tables, play begins to tighten as well. At this point, every place matters, as players begin keeping watchful eyes admist their opponent's current stacks. Patience is invaluable at this stage in the tournament.

Can Cantu and Can Kim Can the Competition?

It was a day filled with fast action, bad beats, suck outs and lucky draws. It was a rainy night, with fog as thick as... Can you believe Britney Spears dyed her hair black omagod. Brandon Cantu of Vancouver, BC (that's in Canada) and Lee Padilla of Modesto, CA (home of Gary Condit and Scott Peterson, top notch city) will take equi-big stacks to the final table of Event #2, $1,500 NLH.  Both are stacked at 753,000.

After dominating most of the tournament, Carlos Mortensen (at right) took some hits but unlike the Spanish soccer team he rebounded nicely with a timely pair of pocket aces to double up and build back his stack. He'll start today with 337,000. The rest of the final table chip counts include: Drew Rubin - 573,000, Mark Ly - 516,000, Mark Swartz - 359,000, Don Zewin - 342,000, Ron Stanley - 283,000, and Brent Roberts - 260,000.

Going on simultaneously, which means "at the same time" in English, is Event #3 ($1,500 PLH), where a gentlemen who may or may not be of Asian descent (may) named Can Kim Hua leads the way with 57,500. Outlasting the 1,102 entrants include notables such as: John Juanda (52,000), Victor Ramdin (45,500), Dan Alspach (41,500), WCP fan fave Tiltboy Rafe Furst (33,500), Burt Boutin (33,500), Tim Phan (31,500), Randy Jensen (30,500), Dewey Tomko (25,000), Glenn Hughes (18,5000), Dan Schmiech (17,000), humanoid Michael "the Grinder" Mizrachi (13,500), not sore on the eyes Erica Schoenberg (9,000), and Amnon Filippi (9,000).

No one else remaining is notable.

* Image from Poker Royalty

Today's Card Player "LIKE YOUR WERE THERE" Moment

The Addict, who busted his Red Swingline Stapler on Bean's ass after losing a prop bet three hours ago, met up with Chops at the water cooler around Mandy's desk to tell Snake about today's Card Player "Like You Were There" Moment, which is actually from yesterday. The four friends shared a laugh. Why? Because laughter is always the best medicine. Except for when you have the clap. In which case, try penicillin. Also, laughter doesn't seem to work well when you have a cold, the flu, AIDS, or cancer. For what it's worth.

Without further adieu, today's Card Player "LIKE YOU WERE THERE" Moment, brought to you courtesy of our friends at Swingline, the Red Stapler People:

Wed Jun 28 01:31:00 PDT 2006
Jean Robert Bellande Back for Entertainment

Jean Robert Bellande, who busted from the tournament three hours ago, returned to join Steve Dannenmann along the rail around Carlos Mortensen's table to tell Tuan Le how Mortensen knocked him out of the tournament. All four players shared a laugh with around 10 minutes left on day one of the event.

After the jump, another photo of a Red Stapler, or maybe it's a semi-NSFW photo of Keeley Hazell. Totally forgot which one we went with. Penicillin is like a mind eraser sometimes.

Spain Better At Poker Than Soccer

While his native Spain was throttled by France in the World Cup--which remains the only event left where you'll still hear the phrase "throttled by France" used--Carlos Mortensen, um, throttled the competition on Day 1 of the 2006 WSOP's first major tournament, the $1,500 no limit hold'em Event #2.

Mortensen ended the day stacked around 127,000. The Spaniard's play was a thing of beauty on par with the beautiful Spanish model Elsa Pataky (at right). You might ask yourself, or us, how can two things of beauty be so beautiful yet...so different? To which we'd say, "Just appreciate the beauty that God hath created in all of its forms."

Mortensen's nearest competitor, stacked at 101,000, is Ali Zargari, who if he was American we'd assume he was a hot chick, much like Ali Larter, but since he's not we assume he's a terrorist*, much like Ali Saed Bin Ali El-Hoorie or Ali Atwa.

Of the record 2,776 who started play (outnumbering last year's WSOP record for a non-main event), only 122 remain. The $3,789,240 prize pool is an event #2 record, and first place will cash a record $757,839. Play resumes at 2pm (PST), not a record, but Phil Hellmuth tied Men the Master's record by guaranteeing himself a 49th all-time WSOP cash. Hellmuth is currently stacked at 30,000.

Other notabales still stacked include: David "Devil Fish" Ulliott - 90,000, Erik Seidel - 80,000, John Bonetti - 68,000, Greg Raymer - 38,000, Adam Friedman - 36,000, Phil Gordon - 33,000, David Pham - 30,000, Eric "Efro" Froelich - 29,000, Jennifer Harman - 28,000, Al Krux - 27,000, Tuan Le - 26,400, Bill Gazes - 26,000 and Paul Darden - 22,000. Nobody else remaining is of any note**.

Event #3 of the 2006 World Series of Poker, the $1500 Pot-Limit Hold'em tournament, starts at noon today, Vegas time. Last year, Thom Werthmann captured the $1500 pot-limit hold’em title, beating out 5-time WSOP bracelet winner Layne Flack in a see-saw heads up battle.

And justincase you're a mother/father/brother/sister/aunt/uncle/cousin or really really good friend of someone playing in the Casino Employee tournament, it was won by Chris Gros who banked $127,616.

A couple more pics of Elsa after the jump...

*Kidding...don't bomb us.

** Technically not true. Everybody is of some note in some way, although apparently you're nobody until somebody loves you.

Library Says Poker Is For Kids

So who would have thunk? Public libraries aren't just a haven for the homeless to sleep, terrorists to do research and grown men to publicly masturbate.

Apparently they're also a place for people to read and check out "books."

And at one particular library, for kids to play poker.

Yes, it's true. Unbelievable isn't it? People still read and check out  "books."

And while we could discuss this mind-blowing concept of "books," we're a poker site so we'll stick with the poker story.

As a way to get more kids in the library, you know, where the homeless, terrorists and public masturbaters hang out, The Bellingham Public Library (pictured above) has started a new program called "Bubblegum Poker." Open to kids in the 5th grade and up, the Bubblegum Poker program teaches the youngsters how to play Texas Hold'em using bubble gum as the currency.

In an article in the MetroWest Daily News today, the librarian who started the program and no doubt is quiet, stern, single, bespectacled and sexually repressed, said, "I see this as helping kids learn something they didn't know before in a controlled and safe environment."

Of course this makes a ton of sense. Because if you're going to start young ones gambling at any early age, at least do it in a library as opposed to a crack house or the house of a predator featured on Dateline NBC's next special.

Other activities the Bellingham Public Library has for the kiddos include "Teen Bingo," "Bellydancing with Thalia" and our favorite, "Teen Dance Party with Mr. DJ." Seriously, we're not joking. If we were, we'd make up classes like "Videotaping with R. Kelly" You Ain't A Real Man Til You Get A Good Case of the Clap," and "Teen Slumber Party with Jizzy the Clown."

Not that we're being critical of any of this, since these pint size rounders are all future readers of our site, and readers = advertising revenue. If we were, say, a tobacco site, and the library was teaching a class on "The History of Tobacco in Colonial America," we'd gladly be slipping these youngsters a pack of Winstons, or perhaps Pall Mall's. Unfortunately, that's how we roll. And we're not about to fight it, even if we wanted to. Which we don't.

Today's Card Player "LIKE YOU WERE THERE" Moment

As you may or may not know, Card Player magazine has the exclusive rights to real-time coverage for all events at the 2006 World Series of Poker. That means no one but Card Player can report live on the hand-by-hand action at this year's WSOP. Who else can? No one. And as we all know, no one reports live tournament action quite like Card Player. Again, who else? No one.

So as a service to you, but in no way servicing you, every day during the 2006 World Series of Poker, time permitting, and per our motivation (and barring any legal action), Wicked Chops Poker will pluck a line from one of Card Player's recaps or live reports and share it here with you so that you can experience the live action exactly as if you were right there inside the Rio's massive convention hall. Yes, thanks to Card Player's captivating and insightful reports, we'll be able to showcase in one brief snippet the essence of what it's like to be smack dab in the middle of all the action, where the cards are tossed, chips are stacked and lives are forever changed. We'll find that one nugget that encapsulates a day's action, a critical hand, or an emerging poker personality. Because as a poker fan, you deserve at least that much. If not more.
 
With that in mind, here is today's Card Player "LIKE YOU WERE THERE" moment: 
 

"It was a day filled with fast action, bad beats, suck outs and lucky draws."

  

2006 WSOP Updates: Negreanu Battles Sexton for TOC Title, Casino Employee Event Down to 18, $1,500 NLH Event #2 Caps Field at 2,200

Some quick hits from the 2006 World Series of Poker:

:: As we speak/type, Daniel Negreanu is battling WPT host Mike Sexton for the Tournament of Champions crown. Negreanu was dominating final table play, but Sexton hung in and has charged back to claim (as of posting) the chip lead. Follow the live action at Card Player. Final table finishers include: 3) Mike Matusow, 4) Chris Reslock, 5) Andrew Black, 6) Darrell Dicken, 7) Chris Ferguson, 8) Thang "Kido" Pham, 9) Daniel Bergsdorf, 10) Gus Hansen.

UPDATE: Mike Sexton has won the WSOP TOC. Seriously. For real.

:: The Casino Employee tournament wrapped Day 1, as only 18 remain from the starting field of 1,232 runners. In case you happen to be the mother/brother/father/sister/wife/reallyreallygoodfriend of someone playing and actually care about the results, some chip leaders include Jay Wright, Bryan Devonshire, and Marsha Waggoner. A guy named Dang Thung was eliminated in 21st. Dang.

:: For many, the WSOP officially kicks off today at 3pm (EST) with Event #2, the $1,500 buy-in no-limit holdem' event.  The field is at 2200 players and 500 alternates.  Allen Cunningham won last year's event against a killer final table that included Scott Fischman and Devilfish Ulliott. We also first brought you pics of the newly named Daisy Duke--April Scott--during our reporting of the event last year.

Check back periodically throughout the day for updates from your Totally Not Official Home of WSOP Coverage^TM, Wicked Chops Poker.

2006 WSOP Underway, Dealers Dealt First

The 2006 World Series of Poker is officially upon us.

Play began yesterday at the Rio as the first of the daily super and mega satellites got underway. This is where future Tiffany "Crazy Bitch" Williamsons earn their seat, then continually suck out better players over ten days during the Main Event and outlast 5600 people on their way to bank nearly half a mil, thereby making you think that you have a chance (in hell) to do the same thing. You can get your luck on daily at two $225 buy-in Super Satellites. One starts at 3 p.m. The other at 9 p.m. There's also a $1060 buy-in Mega Satellite held nightly at 7 p.m. Good luck, you crazy bitches.

The real play, sort of, begins today with event #1, the $500 NLHE tournament exclusively for casino employees. This is an annual tradition that may or may not have started in 2000 and was originally just open to dealers but recently has been open to all casino employees, which we understand means anyone actively employed at a casino, except for the hookers. Last year, Andy Nguyen was the "nguyen"-er, so to speak, and took home a nice paycheck of $83,390. Nguyen was a poker dealer at Binion’s Casino in Vegas and beat out a record field of 662 in 14 hours of total play. This year's event will be a two-day affair and no doubt will field a bigger field.

By the way, if you think dealers are just glamorous, celeb types who live the high life of exclusive clubs, supermodel girlfriends, and jet setting to the French Riviera when they're not tossing cards, you're wrong. They're not. At all. But many are pretty darn good poker players. Scott Fischman, Mike Matusow, Evelyn Ng, Theo Jorgensen, Joe Awata, John Phan and the poker playin' father of $3.7-million-dollar WPT Champ Joe Bartholdi are just some of the the pros who formerly dealt cards.

Tomorrow at noon is the start of event #2, the $1,500 NLHE tournament. In 2005, more than 2,300 players competed, with Allen Cunningham taking home the bracelet and unprecedented $725,405 first place cash. Cunningham went on to bank more than a million bucks at the 2005 WSOP before the main event even started and was named the 2005 ESPN/Toyota Player of the Year.

The TOKE: Absolute Grinder, Pam Does Doyle, + Poker Dame on Poker Dome

With the WSOP underway, let's catch-up on some loose ends, or tie up some loose ends, or report on some stories related to poker, before what will surely be a month's plus worth of tournament coverage. And pics of half-naked women. We'll find a way to work those in too. Don't worry.

:: Absolute Poker adds humanoid to its stable. Joining FsOWCP Mark Seif and Lacey Jones, Absolute Poker has signed arguably the best NLH tournament player in the world right now, Michael "The Grinder" Mizrachi, as an endorser of the site. As you know, The Grinder is a machine. He even said as much in his intro at the USPC. Seriously, he did. Quote: “I am Michael Mizrachi and I am a machine.” We'd continue making fun of him for this, except: 1) we begrudgingly admit he's a better poker player than us and he has somewhat earned the right to say ridiculous things that even a kindergartner would be made fun of for saying, and 2) he's a big guy, and if he punched us in the face, it would probably hurt. Tons. And we like our faces. They’re good-looking faces.   BLUFF

:: Pamela Anderson stars in video where she's not naked or getting drilled by a guy with a horse c**k. PETA proponent Pam Anderson, who was bumped by poker as one of the so-called "Internet's" top search terms, decided that if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. She’s now lending her assets to star in a TV commercial promoting DoylesRoom.com. We may or may not have more to add on this ad later in the week, but for now, we’ll just move on and avoid making the obvious STACKED or rack joke, which is tempting, because she has a big rack, which is word associated with poker, and we like making those kinds of jokes. Online Gambling Insider

:: Jen Leo to wear Wicked Chops Poker shirt on Poker Dome. FOWCP Jen Leo qualified for Mansion Poker's Poker Dome. Which is awesome. She'll be wearing a Wicked Chops Poker shirt. Which is more awesome. And totally fabricated. But that would be awesome. The show is taped on July 9th and airs on the 23rd. Read about it on her blog. Jen Leo Live!

Friday Night Parting Shot: Raica Oliveira

Not really into the 2006 World Cup as much as we are here at Wicked Chops Poker? Just don't get the rest of the world's obsession with soccer? Well, for this week's Friday Night Parting Shot, we thought we'd find some common ground for all those who get it and don't by showcasing the real draw of this World Cup, the WAGs. No, we're not talking about the Washington Area Girls Soccer league, sicko. We're talking about the Wives And Girlfriends of professional soccer players. They've been garnering more media attention in Germany for laying out by the hotel pool than their husbands and boyfriends have for their play on the field. And for good reason. Because when it comes to the wives and girlfriends of athletes, they simply don't get any better than the girls hitched to the guys who kick balls for a living.

And there's one who recently caught our attention. Well, actually there's been more than one, but for this very second we're talking about just one and that is Raica Oliveira. Oliveira is a 5'11", 22-year-old Brazilian supermodel with gorgeous brown eyes who somewhat resembles Halle Berry, but like we said she's Brazilian, so she's exponentially hotter than Berry and doesn't have 6 toes like Berry. Oliveira happens to be the latest girlfriend of Brazil's superstar striker Ronaldo, who notably tied Gerd Muller as the all-time World Cup goal scorer on Thursday but that's all we're going to say about that pudgy, lucky ass, blistered-foot soccer player who pulls more leg off the field than he does on the field, if that even makes sense. So just how hot is Oliveira? Well when she was 15, the Brazilian beauty beat out 30,000 other Brazilian girls to win the Brazil Elite Model Look contest in Brazil. Did we mention this was in Brazil?

More pics of Oliveria, and as a bonus, another member of the WAGS, Ilary Blasi, after the jump...

Harrah's Announces WSOP TV Schedule: Main Event to Air Before Prelim Events

Harrah's Entertainment has decided to mix things up a bit.

You, yes you, will now get to watch the World Series of Poker [presented by Milwaukee's Best Light] on ESPN beginning August 22nd. The Main Event wraps around August 10-12th. So you do the math.

Or we'll just do it for you: this is much earlier than in year's past.

And if you can't wait that long, as we were first to report, you can also watch the final table live via PPV. 

WSOP Circuit events begin airing July 18th. ESPN will then follow with the WSOP ME on August 22nd, airing two episodes a night until September 26th. Beginning October 3rd, ESPN will show the prelim WSOP events, starting with the $1,500 NLH (event #2). The 10 prelim event broadcasts are predominantly hold'em (eight total).  The other two events are the $10,000 Omaha and $50,000 H.O.R.S.E. 

View the full broadcasting schedule after the jump.

And for our readers prone to placing wagers (i.e. all of you), Bodog has released some WSOP wagering lines.  Of note, Doyle Brunson and Johnny Chan are listed at 12-1 to win their 11th bracelet. Surprisingly, especially with the increased number of hold'em events this year--the format which he has won all nine of his bracelets--Phil Hellmuth is only 20-1 to win number 10. 

Bodog gives it 3-1 that a woman--yes, a woman--will make the WSOP ME final table. And the site seems to think that the total number of entrants into the ME this year will be around 7501 – 7750, as those numbers are listed as the favorite at 2-1. 

Poker Player Justin Timberlake Mucks Poker Player Girlfriend Cameron Diaz

Poker player Justin Timberlake, a protege of poker player Ellen Degeneres and famous for his infamous all-night poker rager attended by fellow poker players Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire and Adam Levine, has reportedly ditched his poker playing girlfriend Cameron Diaz, another student of poker guru Degeneres.

Insiders say, "A few weeks back, Justin and his buddies took off for a few days in Las Vegas and Cameron went chasing after him. She was just too clingy."

Good for Timbo. Because fuck do we hate clingy, more than we hate whiny and sulky or bitchy and crabby and don't even get us started on needy and touchy. Don't even.

So word to the wise (and when we say "wise" we mean the two Wicked Chops wives who aren't currently knocked-up): Sure we invited you to come to Vegas for a few days during the WSOP, but let's be smart about it. Don't ruin it for yourselves. This isn't a honeymoon. This isn't some kind of vacation. Don't think this is like the time we stayed in that romantic villa overlooking Coral Bay and went horseback riding on the beach as the sun set and held hands as we promised to love each other until the end, or at least until one of us got fat and ugly. No that's not what this is about. This is about us, and when we say "us" we mean Wicked Chops Poker, not "us" us. Remember you're just our first wives. So if you don't wish to be "Timberlaked" like some wide-mouthed blonde celebri-babe with a superb backside then just don't be clingy, at least not while we're in Vegas.

That's all we're saying.

Clonie Gowen Wants to Go Heads-Up with Paris Hilton

According to a recently dropped press release, Maxim Magazine's July issue contains a World Series of Poker insert featuring Clonie Gowen. The issue hits stands today.

Aside from being a great poker player and not exactly sore on the eyes, Clonie is also one of those philanthropist-type persons, which we understand means she's into this word called "charity." Having never heard this word before, we picked up a nearby dictionary and learned that this "charity" word means something along the lines of "providing relief for the poor."

And Clonie's "charitable" efforts specifically involve "helping" needy children.

Which is something that Paris Hilton isn't exactly into doing, even though she says she is.

Which makes it somewhat ironic that Clonie has challenged Paris to a heads-up "charity" poker match for $100,000.

Says Clonie:

"Paris seems to be a great girl, however, she represents everything that I am not, but now that she has stepped into my world (the poker world) I challenge her to put her poker skills to work for charity. $100,000 will go a long way to helping those in need. Paris, are you in?"

Wethinks Paris, given her track record, may find a way out of this one.

This Week's Wicked Chops Life Lesson:Don't Mess with the U.S.

Two weeks ago we dished some worldly wisdom in our first installment of This Week’s Wicked Chops Life Lesson--a new feature we've already managed to skip a week on...but that's neither here nor there.

But our advice seemed to work (although our prediction was off), as everyone kept blogging away like there was no tomorrow. Clearly, a lot of you want to own your own NBA franchise.

For this week's lesson, we focus on a hugely important issue: what's going on with the founding country of Persian Poker, Iran. Because it's getting heavy over there.

As we’ve discussed, Persian Poker is consuming the Middle East with the ferocity of a grizzly bear consuming Timothy Treadwell. Swords are being rattled and feathers are getting ruffled as Iranian leadership in Tehran, which sounds too much like Tehan for our liking, are dragging their feet with America’s latest final table negotiations for peace.

To complicate matters, North Korea and its funny looking, little leader, Kim Jong-il, have plans to test a long range missiles that could have the capability to reach U.S. soil.

Fucking Pyongyang.

Clearly, this axis-of-evil combo isn’t good for America.

(Continue reading after the jump for our actual Life Lesson...)

Keeley Hazell Hasn't Nabbed Role In Poker Movie "The Grand" Yet

Wicked Chops Poker learned today that Keeley Hazell, the soon-to-be Official Wicked Chops Poker Girl of 2006, has not yet landed a part in Zak Penn's upcoming poker movie, The Grand.

"The fact that Keeley's name hasn't come up yet in any of the stories we've read about The Grand makes us fairly certain of this," explained The Addict, of WickedChopsPoker.com.

News of Keeley not yet being offered a part comes days after the announcement that Dennis Farina has left "Law & Order" to appear in The Grand, which would be the story here if Dennis Farina had the world's most spectacular God-given "boobs" (NSFW link) and spoke with a British accent.

But last we checked, he doesn't, so we're going with the Keeley angle.

While Keeley has yet to land a big role on the big screen, the bodacious Brit beauty who's built like a battleship (and makes alliteration fun) will make her film debut this year in Cashback, which is the the full-length adaption of Sean Ellis' award winning short of the same name. According to IMDB, the titillating temptress with the terrific tits (see, fun) plays the part of "Naked Girl," a role that is very similar to the character she "portrayed" in the uplifting documentary short, "Big Boobs," and in the smash-hit prequel to "Big Boobs," "Keeley Hazell in the Bathroom."

Spiderman Outs Himself to Press, Will Tobey Maguire Do the Same?

It looks like Peter Parker has done something that Toby Maguire refused to do.

As revealed last week, Spiderman has decided to show his face to the press.

Which is more than Maguire was willing to do at last year's WSOP ME.  As we reported:

Maguire isn't concentrating much on poker playing it appears, as he's spending most of his time shielding his face from the cameras. As Addict overheard him telling a fellow player at his table, Maguire doesn't mind being photographed, "...when it's down to two or three tables, but right now is stupid."

Seriously, it just looked silly.  We'd understand if Maguire was shielding himself from, say, hand grenade-like-pumpkin-shaped explosive weapons launched in his direction by the Green Goblin. That's one thing. Or if someone was throwing hamburgers in his general vicinity. We'd understand that too. People throw hamburgers at us all of the time. And by people we mean "girls." And by "hamburgers" we mean "panties." It's tough. It's really tough. Trust us.

But Maguire's rapid-hand-movement-hot-water-burn-baby-hissy-fit as camera lenses snapped undoubtedly affected his play. And made him look like a pampered movie star. Which is a shame. Since he's actually a great poker player (dare we say...he has wicked poker chops?) and from all accounts is not a pampered movie star. 

So hopefully at Christmas (the WSOP) this year, which is just a few short days away, Maguire will take the lead from the character that transformed him from "almost famous" to "Holy shit that's Tobey Maguire famous" and let the press see his face.

Daniel Negreanu's Protege Does Not Win WSOPC Lake Tahoe Championship

The Yankees did not win the 2001 World Series.

Tiger Woods did not triumphantly return to the PGA tour and win the U.S. Open on Father's Day--his first tournament in 9 weeks after the death of his father.

Brian Fidler, Daniel Negreanu's protege, did not win the WSOPC championship at Harrah's.

Sometimes the best storylines just don't come true. 

Instead, super satellite qualifier Clint Baskin (at right) takes the title by defeating Fidler heads-up. So while it would be nice to build upon this story by saying that Clint was running late for the final table because he just saved a puppy from a burning building or his wife gave birth to triplets at the exact same moment he won the final hand, as far as we know, none of that happened.

This is Baskin's first cashing at major tournament. He banks $372,240 for his efforts.

Final table results as follows: 2) Brian Fidler - $206,800, 3) Tony Le - $113,740, 4) RCW Cheung - $82,720, 5) Justin Scott - $72,380, 6) J.C. Tran - $62,040, 7) Joe DuBois - $51,700, 8) Matt Russell - $41,360, 9) Jamin Stokes - $31,020.

* Photo from Poker Pages.

Five Pros, Three Writers, One WSOP Fantasy League

Chops here.

Ludacris, or as his friends like to call him, Christopher Bridges, once said in his Homerian-epic-style poem, “What’s Your Fantasy,” that:

“We go-bots and robots or they got to wait till the show stop
or how 'bout on the beach with black sand
lick up your thigh then call me the pac man
table top or just give me a lap dance
the rock to the park to the point to the flat land”

While you may have no idea what the fuck that means, other than it alludes to some form of oral sex, a lap dance, and perhaps everyone's favorite Go-Bot, Cy-Kill, Luda's wicked flow chops can make any lyric work, even those as asinine as, say, Nickelback's.

This would be on par with how Keeley Hazle (at right, one of our most popular Parting Shots of all time) could make a sundress made out of eyeballs look sexy as hell. Some people just have talent.

What all of the above clearly illustrates though is that I have absolutely no idea how to intro a post about fantasy sports--even if it's a poker fantasy league--and make it sound cool.

Even if the guys playing in it collectively own 7 WSOP bracelets and 4 WPT titles...

Nine Guys Make WSOPC Lake Tahoe Final Table Because Someone Had To

Listen, we're not gonna say the WSOPC Lake Tahoe final table isn't compelling. To the families and friends of the nine people who made it, well, we're sure it's very compelling to them. It just doesn't seem like anyone *really* cares about this one. Afterall, Christmas, or as poker players call it, the World Series of Poker, is just a week away.

But we're sure the families and friends of the nine final table-ists would like to know that Brian Fidler of Derby, CT is absolutely crushing the field. Fidler is stacked at 639,000. This is not only Fidler's first final table, but it's his first major tournament cashing as well. And by all accounts the 27-year-old hedge fund accountant is playing like some sort of poker Protege, who's been schooled in the intricacies of no-limit hold'em by one of the today's greatest players or something. Like say Daniel Negreanu. Now that would be compelling.

Second in chips is tourney vet Tony Le with 341,500. What the hell, we need something compelling about this final table for this write up: Le is our Wicked Chops prediction to win it all. There, we said it. It's out there.

The rest of the final table looks something like this: 3) Clinton Baskin - 319,000, 4) Justin Scott - 204,500, 5) J.C. Tran - 197,000, 6) Joseph DuBois - 172,000, 7) RCW Cheung - 155,000, 8) Jamin Stokes - 87,500, and 9) Matthew Russell - 81,500.

Huge Field Shows Up For WSOPC Lake Tahoe Main Event, Except Replace "Huge" With "Modest"

With only 9 days remaining until Christmas, or as poker players like to call it, the "World Series of Poker," interest seems low for the WSOPC championship at Lake Tahoe, as only 110 runners decided to show.

Many big names took crippling bad beats early on, as Daniel Negreanu, Chad Brown, and WPT Player of the Year Gavin Smith went home early. Although according to Poker Wire, Gavin Smith decided to throw his remaining chips away and drink instead of building back his stack. Maybe when you've won about $2M over the past year, you can do these kinds of things. Or if you have an alcohol problem.

The chip leader at the end of Day 1 is Robert "RCW" Cheung with 151,000. Cheung won a $1,000 NLH WPT Five-Star tournament earlier in the year. Right behind Cheung is J.C. Tran with 150,100.

Other notables remaining (but farther back) include Barry Greenstein, Chau Giang, Steve Brecher, John Juanda, and Dan Harrington.

Friday Night Parting Shot: April Scott

Listen. It's hard to follow up last Friday Night's Parting Shot girl Keeley Hazell. Really it is. It's like being the President. It's hard work. In fact, we're tempted to feature Keeley again tonight, and probably would if we could find a few new photos of her with at least some semblance of clothing on. We're a respectable site here though. Or at least try to be.

And anyway, we're glad to be featuring model/actress April Scott, who holds the distinction of being the very first girl we posted about that had absolutely nothing to do with poker. Yep, it was almost exactly a year ago that we first featured the 5'7" dark-haired beauty from Southeast Missouri for no other reason than being unbelievably hot. Scott, who can attribute her exotic looks to French, Native American and Spanish ancestry, was just arriving on "the scene" then with brief stints on the Shield and CSI: Miami, and photo spreads in magazines like Maxim and Shape. Scott has since gone on to co-host "Ripley's Believe it or Not" and host the ESPN2 show, "The Hook." She also appeared in two episodes of "Entourage," and has lately been holding briefcase #14 on NBC's hit game show, “Deal or No Deal."

Most recently, Scott got word that she'll star as Daisy Duke in the upcoming, straight-to-DVD, prequel to the Dukes of Hazzard. It's still not the big screen but it does mean that we'll be seeing a lot more of Scott in the near future as the the girl who's stepping into Jessica Simpson's shorts, so to speak. If the near future seems like an eternity right now, you can see more of April Scott after the jump....

Washington State Gets Wacky in War Against Online Poker

Do you write about online poker?

Ever review a poker site?

Howabout link to one, or perhaps post the occasional affiliate ad?

If you answered yes and live in Washington State, you may be a low-down, dirty rotten criminal, or more specifically, a Class C felon.

A recent article in the Seattle Times by Danny Westneat tells the story of Todd Boutte, a former Wal-Mart worker from Bellingham who ran the website IntegrityCasinoGuide.com. The site reviewed online casinos, had links to them, ran ads and even kept a list of online casinos that allegedly "bilked" players. Since Boutte's site in no way offered gambling, he wasn't too worried about Washington State's new law reaffirming the prohibition against Internet gambling. That was until a state official singled out Boutte's site as illegal in an article that ran in his hometown paper.

Boutte has since shut his site down.

The director of the state's gambling commission, Rick Day, explained to Westneat, "It's what the feds would call 'aiding and abetting.' Telling people how to gamble online, where to do it, giving a link to it — that's all obviously enabling something that is illegal."

It's also obviously absurd.

According to Westneat, even the Seattle Times may be breaking the new law.

"Gambling officials told me The Seattle Times may be afoul of the law because we print a poker how-to column, 'Card Shark,' by gambler Daniel Negreanu. He sometimes tells readers to hone their skills at online casinos. And at the end of each column is a Web address, fullcontactpoker.com, where readers can comment."

Day told Westneat, "My suggestion to you is to remove from your paper any advice about online gambling and any links to illegal sites."

Our suggestion to you is to get involved with the Poker Player Alliance now and do what you can to keep the pressure on your state representatives and the folks on Capitol Hill.

Guy With Girl's Name Does Something No Man His Age Has Ever Done Before

21 year-old Shannon Shorr, a dude whose name has a kind of female-porn star-ish ring to it, has made POKER HISTORY(!!!) by becoming the youngest person to ever make back-to-back final tables at a WSOP Circuit event.

Or something.

According to the press release, Shannon, a college student from Alabama, is the "youngest poker player to reach a final table in a World Series of Poker, No Limit Circuit Event at Harrah's Casino, in Lake Tahoe, Nevada. To top it off, the following day, he succeeded in final tabling another No Limit event, making him the youngest player to ever make two consecutive final tables."

So he's the youngest person to make back-to-back final tables at WSOP Circuit tournaments at just Harrah's in Lake Tahoe? Or all WSOP Circuit events?

It seems perfectly reasonable that Shannon would be the youngest person to make back-to-back final tables at any WSOP Circuit event (or Series event, for that matter), so let's not short-change the kid.

Whatever Shannon's "official" feat is, it is impressive.

And it makes us even more bitter that we weren't born like 10 years later than we were. Freaking kids these days. Lucky bastards.

Shorr also placed fourth in the Aussie Millions, finishing one-spot ahead of FOWCP Jeff Sealey. He's also already qualified for the WSOP ME next month.

The Main Event at Lake Tahoe starts today.

*Image from Poker Pages

PPA Putting Pressure on Policymakers

With the recent outlawing of online poker in Washington state and the continued progression of anti-poker legislation on Capitol Hill, The Poker Players Alliance has ratcheted up its efforts this week with some high profile moves.

First, they announced that Howard Lederer has joined the PPA's Board of Directors.  Says Lederer: "The Poker Players Alliance's mission is critically important as the game has increasingly come under attack. The challenge of promoting and protecting poker is the reason I joined the PPA as a member and wanted to get personally involved by joining the PPA Board of Directors."

And Full Tilt Poker, Lederer's online site, sent out an e-newsletter to its players urging them to sign up with the PPA and keep pressure on Capitol Hill, because, "...Legislation moving through Congress right now will stop Americans from playing Internet poker by deputizing banks and Internet service providers to prevent you from accessing poker websites."

In addition, the PPA has teamed with Pocket Fives, a top forum for over 14,000 online poker players, to drive people to speak out today and write their Congressmen to keep online poker legal.

This all comes on the heels of a major media outlet finally taking a pro-online poker stance, as the LA Times addressed the topic over the weekend. After noting the hypocrisy in legislation that bans online wagering and poker but carves out exceptions for horse racing and lotteries, they note, "Legalizing online gambling and regulating the industry — as Britain has done — is the best way to toughen protections against gambling by minors, identify problem gamblers and ensure that online sites are more scrupulous than the back-alley bookie."

PPA prez Michael Bolcerek and his organization are getting great traction to keep anti-gaming legislation from happening. So get involved with the PPA, participate in the Write Your Congressmen Day today over at Pocket Fives, and do what you can to support the PPA's efforts to keep poker legal.

Mansion Poker Lied (allegedly), Or Said Something Untrue, Claims Full Tilt Poker

When Mansion Poker sent out a press release last week about its upcoming MANSION Speed Poker™ shootout, it boasted that Full Tilt Poker pros Phil Ivey and Jennifer Hartman were confirmed to play and that fellow Full Tilt-ers Mike Matusow and Howard Lederer would coach the internet qualifiers.

The press release also used the word "classiest" to describe poker players, which isn't the story here, unfortunately.

What is the story is that Mansion Poker lied. Allegedly. Or as Full Tilt's "Open Letter to the Poker Industry" claims, Mansion said something "untrue," which is the same as saying they "lied" but without all the lawyers and crap.

Here's the just-released letter from Full Tilt's management:

“On June 9, 2006, Mansion Poker issued an inaccurate press release regarding their upcoming Mansion Superstar Challenge. The release stated that Team Full Tilt member, Phil Ivey is confirmed to participate in a series of elimination tournaments. This is untrue.

The improper release also stated that Team Full Tilt members Howard Lederer and Mike Matusow had been “…hand selected to fill the all-important shoes of poker “wingman.” Again, this is untrue.

Not only did Phil Ivey, Howard Lederer and Mike Matusow never agree to participate in this event in any way, they were not even contacted by Mansion Poker about participating.

A fourth member of Team Full Tilt, Jennifer Harman was in discussions to participate in the event, however, due to Mansion Poker’s obvious disregard for the truth and egregious actions, she will no longer participate.”

Let the games begin.

Lazy Friday: Bank Robbin', The Chronic-What?-les of Narnia and Orchestra Practice

It was just a typical Lazy Friday on your typical American college campus.

In fact, it was just like a typical Wicked Chops Poker college Friday afternoon.  Below is a dramatization of that typical Friday afternoon:

Chops calls Snake.

Chops: "Snake, what's up dude?"
Snake: "Ah man just gettin' up, about to toke a big fatty."
Chops: "Coooooooool. I’m crackin’ a Bud myself. Hey, you wanna catch a flick?"
Snake: "You mean instead of getting bombed and trying to bang some chick at a bar? Sure! I love going to the movie theater to kick off my weekend!"
Chops: "Dude, I hear you. Can you say, “Tart n’ Tinys and Junior Mints!?”
Snake: “[pause, exhale, cough] Ta[cough]rt n’ Tinys [cough] and Junior [cough] Mints.”
Chops: “Sweet. Call the Addict. We’re hittin’ the movies! Now what should three young college guys go see on a Friday afternoon. Something that will set the tone for the rest of our hellraising weekend...something fantastical…" 
Snake: "Dude. I've got it! DUDE! The Chronicles of Narnia! DUDE!"
Chops: "Good call Dude! I'm soooo into adapted screenplays from fantasy books I sort of read as a child! Come pick me up in an hour!"
Snake: "[pause, exhale] Sweeet. Dude, the Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe meets Snake, Chops, and the Addict. Now that’s a fantasy come true if I’ve ever heard of one."
Chops: "Right on. Oh by the way, can we stop by a Wachovia on the way, so I can rob it?"

That dramatization is EXACTLY like our college days, except: 1) Chops, Snake, and the Addict did not attend the same college; 2) Chops, Snake and the Addict did not even go to college during the same years, for the most part; 3) If we had though, we would not ever once even consider going to see a fantasy flick about witches and sorcerers on a Friday...or any other day; because 4) We were too busy testing the physiological parameters of high-level alcohol toxicity (getting passed-out drunk) while unleashing our "manhoods" inside our co-ed collegial counterparts (getting laid, before we passed out). And besides, college kids are too old to be into witches and sorcerers, because as we've seen, that only leads to finding yourself (and your tongue) in really, really bad places.

Oh yeah, one more point, 5) On the way to the movie we’d never go see in the first place, we would not attempt a truly ill-conceived and half-assed bank robbery.

Then again, we are not Greg Hogan. Jr. 

Cause that’s what he did last December.

The New York Times Magazine just ran a feature on “the dangers” and “growing” addiction of online gambling on college campuses (you'll need to sign up to read the whole thing, it's free). While it is completely and utterly one-sided, it’s still worth a read, if for no other reason than because of the truly excruciating story of its main protagonist, Greg Hogan, Jr.

Yet Another Stupid Poker Criminal Hall of Fame Inductee? Jonathan Johnson May or May Not Be...

Jonathan Johnson, a regular dealer in high stakes poker games in and around Lubbock, TX, has potentially upped the ante for all Stupid Poker Criminals in the Stupid Poker Criminals Hall of Fame.

The 22-year old former Texas Tech student "allegedly" shot and killed a man outside a Dallas nightclub on Saturday night.

However, our source familiar with the case says that Johnson may claim self-defense.  So, for once, we may actually withhold judgment on someone before making lots of somewhat inappropriate jokes on the matter. What is that big hole opening up in the sky?  Is that Jesus riding down on a white horse with a big sword in his hand?  We repent! We repent!

Anyway, Johnson has been on the receiving end of a stupid poker criminal in the past.  Back in September, Johnson, who was dealing a high stakes game, was the victim of aggravated robbery in his home in Lubbock.  During one of his games, Johnson and six other victims were tied up by three masked men (and robbed, obviously). 

Whether or not this shooting was related, we don't know. What we do know is that our version of "self-defense" relies less on guns and more on kicking someone in the balls. No one kicks a set of balls like we do. No one.

The Blogfiles: Jen Leo Live!

Intro: Jen Leo is, without a doubt, our favorite female poker blogger.  Granted, it's not like there's a ton of competition in that market, but even if there was, she'd still be our favorite.  Cause she can fucking write. She's like the Mia Hamm of writing. In that Mia Hamm is like the best female soccer player of our generation, and Jen is a damn witty, funny, intelligent writer...and a girl. We like her so much we've even put her pink header graphic at the top of this post. Yes, a big bright pink header, on WCP. But this isn't about us. It's about Jen.  Maybe you've seen her stuff in BLUFF, Woman Poker Player (it's a magazine for women...who play poker), TIME, and Playboy. She's also got a book in the works. The girl has got talent. Which is great. Cause we respect women. We respect their minds. We respect what they have to say. Lots. For real.

WCP: So...what are you wearing?

JL: I am wearing a short, lavender bathrobe, nothing underneath.

WCP: Hot. Alright. You're a quote unquote writer. So what the hell got you into poker? Shouldn't you be at a coffee shop typing away on your Mac wearing Moby-esque eye-glasses?

JL: I've been in the travel book publishing biz for ten years. But the Chinese side of my family has insured that I've had gambling in my blood for longer than that. My grandfather taught me how to play craps, and then proceeded to take me to Vegas several times a year after I was 21. After a while, I wanted to write about my gambling experiences but didn't quite know how to go about it. So, on one trip to the desert I went to the Gamblers Bookstore and got the grand tour from Howard Schwartz. I asked him to set me up with books that I could learn from. One of the ones he suggested was Anthony Holden's Big Deal. After I read and raved about that one, a friend recommended Positively Fifth Streetby James McManus.

That's all it took. Two books. I was hooked and just had to see the World Series of Poker. So, knowing very little about the game, but knowing how to get a few writing gigs, I packed my things in San Francisco and moved to Vegas for the summer. That was just last year. Now, I'm hooked the whole way around. On tournaments, and playing in our home game, and online.

But yes, if I were a kept woman and could say no to the ever present marketing ideas that take over my brain and lead me to busyness, I'd love to sit and write romantic comedy scripts at a coffee shop. It's the adult version of a teenager's bad love poetry.

WCP: How much leverage do you get out of telling people, "Yeah, I've been in Playboy..."

JL: That's funny. But still a lame question.

Poker Player Kevin Connolly Stars in Entourage Tonight

Following in the footsteps of poker-player-turned-golfer Rocco Mediate, poker-player-turned-actress Jennifer Tilly, and poker-player-turned-hotel-heiress (and his girlfriend) Nicky Hilton, Kevin Connolly of DoylesRoom.com has decided to take a brief break away from the green felted tables to pursue his small screen acting career.

The third season of Connolly's star vehicle, Entourage, premieres tonight on HBO.

Connolly plays "Eric," the best friend and manager of Vincent Chase, whose film career is about to go through the stratosphere after starring in the (fictitious) James Cameron joint, Aquaman. The role gives Connolly more chances to display his wicked acting chops than any other character on the show, save Ari (played by bathroom brawler, Jeremy Piven). Whether or not he always delivers is up for debate, but some (us) say that Connolly's character is, if nothing else, the glue that keeps all of the crew hinged together. 

Connolly isn't the only poker-player-turned-type getting some love from the much buzzed show, as FOWCP Lacey Jones gets some face-time this season as well.

So tune in tonight and see poker player Kevin Connolly doing what he does second best (to poker): acting. 

Another New Stupid Poker Criminal Hall of Hame Inductee: Cook Ham (Yep, Real Name)

The Stupid Poker Criminals Hall of Fame is proud to welcome its newest member: Cook Sepeten Ham.

Cook was cooked after being caught and booked for stealing a poker player's wallet containing $235.

For his crime, Cook plea bargained his one-year sentence down to 68 days of time already served.  According to the Saipan Tribune, he also has to pay "a $250 fine, $125 in probation and assessment fees, and $235 in restitution for the victim."

While his crime against (in this case, video) poker is nowhere near the magnitude of some other hall members, Cook's place is well secure, if only because he's given even more fodder for the poker-haters at Northern Marianas College. 

The TOKE: Texas Hates Charity Poker, Electra Battles Brain Tumors, + Take the Chips, Leave the Cannoli

:: Texas hold'em for charity not welcome in Texas.  The plug has been pulled on yet another charity texas hold'em tournament in the Lone Star State.  The event, promoted by and featuring six-time bracelet winner T.J. Cloutier, was to benefit the Peace Officers Memorial Foundation.  However, the charity tourney was sent to the rail due to a Texas law prohibiting the hosting of a poker tournament at venues that hold an on-premises alcoholic beverage permit.  Since when did a little thing called "the law" get in the way of Texas getting things done?  Did "the law" stop the execs at Enron from stealing millions to pad their wallets and bankrupt the company?  Did "the law" stop W from "allegedly" stealing not one, but two elections?  Did "the law" stop...wait, these probably aren't the best examples here.  [publish]  Poker Mag

:: So if you want to hold a charity event, just do the damn thing in Vegas.  Pussycat Doll Carmen Electra hosted a charity poker tournament for the Head to Hollywood foundation.  Despite what you may be thinking, the organization does not describe how Electra got her start in showbiz.  Instead, the group helps survivors of cancerous and non-cancerous brain tumors.  Which Electra might've had...when she married Dennis Rodman.  Card Player

:: Today's oxymoron: Canadian mafia.  The Calgary Sun reports that three relatives of slain mobster Enio Mora were shot over a disputed poker bet.  The shootings raise a very disturbing question: since when has America Jr. had a mafia? And didn't Michael Moore show us that Canada is the most peaceful wonderful country in the world where people happily leave their doors unlocked and frolic in fields of daisies hand-in-hand with their neighbors?  Did Michael Moore exaggerate something?  There's no way.  None.  Not Michael Moore.  No way. Not buying it. Nah ah. The Calgary Sun

The State of Online Poker in Washington State

Last week, a watershed event with cataclysmic consequences potentially on par with, say, the eruption of Mt. Rainer, minus the deaths and utter annihilation of a major metropolitan city, happened.

The state of Washington, who hasn't given us much since Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Alice in Chains, and the early 90's version of Nickelback--Candlebox--is once again at the forefront of a movement.  On June 7th, it became a Class C felony to play online poker in Washington (click here to view full bill). 

But like most recent efforts to ban online poker, can the proposed laws really be enforced?  And will the law actually keep anyone from playing?

Wicked Chops Poker spoke with prominent Emerald City player, Seattle John, to get his take on the state of online poker in Washington.

WCP: So, you still gonna play online poker?

SJ: Yes, I am still going to play. I am going to not play for a few days and see if anyone makes any news and how they may catch anyone so I can seek to avoid how they may get caught. I have no idea how it is going to be practical to catch anyone playing. In order to make it stick I would imagine they are going to have to catch you actually playing. They have openly said they are not really going after the individual player but more the sites. But since all sites are offshore they really don't have a chance at stopping them either. I think they law is more for show than anything.

WCP: Then you don't think there's really any way to, say, have ISPs block gaming sites?

SJ: No I don't think there is a practical way to block the sites in our state.

WCP: Has the local media covered this story in detail?

SJ: Yes, it has made the papers, the TV news, and the rumor mill at the cardrooms. It has been all over the press for about two weeks. I watched a small story on the news last night. If you are a poker player and don't know about it you have been under a rock.

WCP: Finally, what's your take on this whole mess?

SJ: I think it is a waste of time and energy. There is no practical way of enforcing the law, and I don't really think it will deter many people from playing online. I think the state should be looking at things that are much more important than trying to stop people from playing poker online. We have legalized cardrooms in this state, a ton of them. So poker is really not the problem. I think they are trying to deter underage gambling with this law the most. If you scare the parents, you get the kids I think.

I think it would have made a lot more sense to figure out a way to legalize it and tax it in this state. That would have been a much more forward looking law. But alas that is not going to happen. I think it is a really bad piece of legislation, and I hope nothing really comes of it because I want to keep playing online.

WCP: Thanks Seattle John.  And readers, as always, lend your support to the PPA to help fight anti-poker legislation.

Friday Night Parting Shot: Keeley Hazell

England may or may not be our official prediction to win the 2006 World Cup, but Brit babe Keeley Hazell is our official prediction to set your image search button ablaze after you "read" this week's Friday Night Parting Shot. The hazel-eyed Hazell is a 19-year-old, "top heavy" temptress from London, who first shot to fame as a Page 3 girl and has since racked up "sexiest woman" titles in men's mags faster than Wayne Rooney's racked up man of the matches and gambling debts. Dare we say Keeley is such a natural stunner (a 32 E natural stunner to be exact) that she may even give Joanna Krupa a run for her money as the Official Wicked Chops Poker Girl of 2006. Yes, we're fickle like that.

If you're wondering where you've seen Keeley before well look no further than today's post titled "World Cup Musings and Hot Chicks With Balls." That's Keeley's midsection you see repeated at the top, and that's more of her (11 times to be exact) at the bottom of the post. If you're wondering where you can see more of Keeley, after the jump is a good place to start.

Breaking News: ESPN to Televise WSOP Through 2010 -- Deal Includes Live Pay-Per-Version Coverage of 2006 Final Table

ESPN and Harrah's have reached a multi-year deal to televise the WSOP (presented by Milwaukee's Best Light) through 2010. 

The deal also includes live pay-per-view and online coverage of this year's final table through ESPN.com.  This will be the first time the WSOP final table will be aired live. 

Terms of the deal have not yet been disclosed.  Although we gave it the old college try to find out. 

Read the full press release at the jump.

World Cup Musings and Hot Chicks With Balls

Every four years we're reminded that Americans are immune to World Cup fever. Sure a few people here and there catch the bug. And yes our so-called "immigrants" get excited, but they're also the same people who shout "Osama bin Laden, Osama bin Laden" whenever their home country plays the Red, White and Blue, which would piss us off more if their labor wasn't so darn cheap. But that's another story.

What is the story is that in America the slagging of soccer as a sport has turned into a sport itself; on par or greater than the persistent pondering of whether poker is a sport. For most Americans, watching scoreless games with a bunch of foreigners running around chasing a ball for 90 minutes just isn't as interesting as watching a bunch of large men in pads tackling each other and slapping each other's asses.

Everyone's Favorite, Alex Outhred, Doesn't Win WPT Mandalay Bay -- Instead, Joe Tehan, Whose Name Looks Too Much Like "Tehran" for Our Liking, Does

Alex Outhred, a WPT Boot Camp instructor who was also "the pocket cam guy" in charge of picking the hands to show during WPT broadcasts, did not win the inaugural WPT Mandalay Bay championship.

And for that, one can only blame Burt Boutin, the guy who knocked Outhred out in 4th place, and Joe Tehan, the guy who won the whole damn thing. 

Two short-stacks who you don't really care reading about got knocked out quickly and the final table was four-handed.  Outhred, the clear crowd favorite, had taken some hits, and made an all-in re-raise from the big blind with A-Qo against Boutin.  Boutin called with J-J and flopped a set.  Outhred was knocked out. 

That left the aforementioned Boutin (no word yet if Sexton and Van Patten really enjoyed saying "And Boutin has the Button," similar to how Jim Nance gets a hard-on when he gets to say, "Jose...Maria...Olazabel"), Tehan, and the not yet mentioned Yukon Booth to battle it out.

Now, according to Card Player, Booth became the crowd favorite once Outhred was eliminated (fickle crowd...where's the sense of mourning and loss???  When did we turn into ancient Romans?).  Booth joked with the audience, the tournament director, and during one of the breaks, he "borrowed a WPT microphone and proceeded to hold a mock interview with Boutin."

Sounds annoying.

Booth, however, went out with a whimper, as a bad run of cards whittled his stack away.  He eventually went out in third, being taken out by Boutin. 

After knocking out yet another crowd favorite, Boutin, clearly relishing his role as "the heel," donned a wrestling mask, stood up on the WPT final table, flexed his muscles, and screamed, "I will take on any of you weaklings!  I am Burt Boutin!  The king of the ring!  Stand down before me!  I'll take on Hogan!  Piper!  Snuka!  Then we're going to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico! We're going to California and Texas and New York! And we're going to South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan! And then we're going to Washington, D.C.  Yeeeeaaaaarrrhhhh!!!" while a chorus of "boos" rained down from the crowd*.

Luckily, much like the Iron Shiek could never get over the hump and take the title from the Hulkster in the 80's, Tehan (at left), whose name looks too much like "Tehran" for our liking, put an end to Boutin's evil ways.  On the final hand, Tehan turned a set, besting Boutin's top pair.

For the win, Tehan takes home $1,033,440 and a $25,000 seat at the World Poker Tour Championship.  But more importantly, Tehan fills his home country of Iran** with much pride, much more than a World Cup victory ever could (more on this later), which is a good thing, since some in the Arab world believe we're inching closer and closer to getting all Bombs over Baghdad on the country.  While obviously we hope that doesn't happen, as we've put enough American lives at risk, not to mention it would only make the Arab world hate us that much more, at least we got Abu Musab al-Zarqawi yesterday, a true sick and evil bastard if there ever was one.

*Imagined. **Not even remotely his home country. He's American. Although he looks like he might've been subject to a few random bag checks at the airport, if you catch our drift.  But Joe, you made your country proud.  ***Images from Poker Pages. Apologies if they're blurry. Whoever takes their pics has shakier hands than Tom Hanks in Saving Private Ryan.

This Week’s Wicked Chops Life Lesson

Editor’s Note: "This Week’s Wicked Chops Life Lesson" will be a new weekly feature, pending our enthusiasm to keep it going.  Each article will present a deep and profound poker-or-blogging-centric lesson designed to enrich your life. Take these life lessons to heart and we're confident that you will soon reach the pinnacle of self-actualization, or at the very least, not suck so bad.

Blogging. What a word. What an awful word.

Blogging itself has immediacy. It's cutting-edge, the next next next thing.

But the word itself just sounds uncool. Really uncool. "Yeah man I blog." Just sounds terrible.

Girl: "So what do you do?" Guy: "I blog." Girl: "Yeah ok cool yeah. Hey, what's that behind you?" [girl runs away]

That’s why Mark Cuban should give all of you hope.

Mark Cuban was one of the first well-known bloggers. To those in the sporting community, Cuban put blogging on the map.

Now before Cuban got involved in this whole “blogging” thing, he had already made a billion dollars, but get past that for a minute. Also get past the fact that before blogging, he bought the Dallas Mavericks and turned them around from one of the worst franchises in sports to one of the best. Really, it’s exactly what our hometown Hawks recently did with its ownership group, except exactly different.

Mark Cuban’s Dallas Mavericks are on the verge of winning the NBA title. That’s our Wicked Chops Poker prediction, at least.

And Mark Cuban is just like many of you. He’s just a happy dork who also happens to be a blogger.

Now don’t get us wrong, we love Cubes. (Cubes is what we’d call him if we like hung out and stuff. “Cubes, man, that was so wrong!” is what we’d say to him if he told an inappropriate joke, for example). We don't love Cubes as much as we love, say, you, our readers, but what's not to like about Cubes?

Cubes is to NBA ownership what Quentin Tarantino is to filmmaking. They’re both totally encompassed in their respective fields with enough passion about what they’re doing to fill an arena.

Which leads us to this week’s life lesson: even you one day can own a championship-calibre NBA team. Just keep blogging. Be passionate about blogging. Blog until your fingers bleed. And one day, you’ll get there. You’ll own a NBA team. Just like our buddy Cubes.

Outhred Out in Front at WPT Mandalay Bay Final Table

Alex Outhred (at right), a super satellite qualifier from Los Angeles, finds himself big stacked at the WPT Mandalay Bay final table.

Outhred is stacked at 1,743,000, giving him a thisclose lead over Burt Boutin (1,729,000).

Day 2 chip leader Yukon Booth, who got into a war of words with Tony Ma, then spewed his chips away, recovered nicely and sits with 1,659,000.  And Day 4 chip leader Joe Tehan held on nicely and brings a stack of 1,371,000 with him.

There are two other guys at the final table, both of whom will likely be elinimated early: 5) Al Stonum - 263,000, 6) Steve Vincent - 219,000.

*Picture from Poker Pages.

These People Are Awesome

Earlier in the week, we discussed how Clay Aiken's army of Clags, through BadGirl's website the Clay Report  (BadGirl are you hot?  You sound hot.  God we hope you're not 14...or a dude...), have become our new Top Recent Referrer. 

We never thought, so long as he linked to us once or twice a month, that anyone would top Pauly.  But the Clags have come out in full force and will be perched atop our recent referrers list until the end of the month.  It's a lock.  Book it. 

Does this mean that despite his new haircut and coming out of the closet that Clay Aiken is more popular than poker?  It's hard to say.  We don't know.  We don't even know if he'll out-sell Katharine McPhee's soon-to-be-released album through 19 Recordings. 

However, what we do know is that the below list of sites are awesome for at least attempting to take back our Top Recent Referrer spot.  Read these sites.  They're the stuff of legends.  Or legends in the making, at least. 

If we were single and these sites were girls, we wouldn't even treat them as cheap one night stands.  We'd date them.  Bring them flowers.  Take them home to meet the fam.  Text message them sweet nothings.  Yes, I think we're falling in love with the sites below, all of whom have just pimped us or regularly do so. 

High on Poker
Steel Nuts
Jen Leo
Kipper
Kid Dynamite
Hometown Poker
Kajagugu Poker
Tao of Poker
4th Street
CL Russo (new one, give him a read)

Shannon Elizabeth Is In It For The Money

Shannon Elizabeth, who is best known for her role in the groundbreaking Wicked Chops Poker stories "Shannon Elizabeth Goes Down in a Four-Way" and "Shannon Elizabeth is an Actress," recently confronted celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton on the mean streets of Beverly Hills about his numerous posts calling her an "F-lister" and a "celebrity poker circuit slut" who only plays cards for the press and free trips to Vegas.

According to Perez Hilton, who's so light in his loafers he makes Clay Aiken look like the Marlboro Man (not that there's anything wrong with that), Elizabeth explained that she's in poker "for the money" and that the free trips and press were just a "bonus." Elizabeth also explained that she won $50,000 in a poker tournament.

So why are we reporting on some guy calling Shannon Elizabeth an F-lister when his only claim to fame is floggin' F-list celebs online and shillin' Ben Sherman shirts? Have no frickin' clue.

We suppose if we follow the logic of regular WCP comment contributor "YCO/Jack/Whatever He Chooses to Flame By," one frumpy gay guy's Shannon Elizabeth is three straight guys' Clay Aiken or Chad Kroeger and "the bottom line is everything ends up being pretty gay when you 'blog' the hell out of it." Perhaps that's true.

We suppose if we follow the logic of poker blog High On Poker there's something to be said about the need to label other's A-list, B-list, C-list or whatever-list. But we'll let more sophisticated minds debate that.

Finally, we suppose if we follow the logic of our loins we should just shut the hell up and post photos of Shannon Elizabeth, after the jump.

A. Dikshit is A Veryrichman

The party has just begun for A. Dikshit (yep, still funny).

Anurag Dikshit, the reclusive mastermind behind PartyPoker's platform empire, not to mention the 10th richest man in India, just got a little bit richer. Except by "little bit" we mean "a shitload."

Along with site co-founder and former sex phone queen Ruth Parasol, as well as Russell DeLeon and Vikrant Bhargava, Dikshit dumped 350 million shares of PartyGaming stock, dropping the stock price 4.7% in the process.

In all, the 350 million shares represent 9% of company stock.

The move was expected from Dikshit and Bhargava, who both stepped down as Directors last month.

With his share of the cash, Dikshit plans to open up an IT outsourcing business in his native India where his employees will put all of us on hold for 30 minutes and then not understand a fucking word we are saying for the next 30 minutes until we hang up in utter frustration* having now wasted an hour of our lives.

*Unsubstantiated.

Tehan Takes Chip Lead at WPT Mandalay Bay

Joe Tehan, whose last name is too close to "Tehran" for our liking, kind of like the same way that Barack Obama, whose speech at the Democratic Convention in '04 we still don't "get" why everyone thought was so good, sounds too much like "Osama" and we could never vote for him if he ran for President of the United States of America, yes we are that whatever-the-appropriate-word-we're-looking-for-here-is, has taken the chip lead at the WPT Mandalay Bay. 

Here's where we get lazy on you: Although you may have never heard of him, this ain't no Average Joe.  Tehan has a LA Poker Classic event win under his belt, and a second at a Bellagio Five-Diamond Classic event.

Further laziness: Only 18 remain, including Yukon Booth, Carlos Mortensen, "Miami" John, Tim Phan, and Tony Ma.  Get full chip counts at Poker Wire.

Phil Ivey, Two Naked Guys and a Semi-Clothed "Mrs. Ivey"

We could be cheap and indecent here and make up some cheap and indecent story about a new video that's surfaced featuring Phil Ivey in a room with two naked guys and a girl doing the mattress rodeo, or something.

But we try to stay away from that kind of stuff. Decents folks, we are.

All we will say is we opted to show you screen captures of this Phil Ivey video rather than the one of John Juanda in an elevator with two dudes. There's also an Erik Seidel video, but we won't even go there.

Thanks to the incomparable Jen Leo for bringing these videos to our attention, via her blog.

Yukon Booth Leads WPT Mandalay Bay

Only 57 remain from the approximately 350 who entered the WPT Mandalay Bay event, and Brad "Yukon" Booth leads the way. 

Booth, a canuck, is stacked at 327,1000. He has two previous WPT cashes.

A bunch of big names litter the leaderboard. Third overall is Tuan Le with 287,500. Carlos Mortensen is fifth with 247,900. Someone who we will assume is of Asian descent named Gioi Luong is ninth with 193,700. Other notables include: 11) Hasan Habib - 186,000, 14) Patrik Antonius - 175,700, 15) Chad Brown - 174,000, 17) Max Pescatori - 164,900, John Juanda - 124,800, 25) Tim Phan - 120,600, 26) "Miami" John Cernuto - 118,800, 38) Tony Ma - 85,300, and Day 1 chip leader 40) Nenad Medic - 78,700.

Check Poker Wire for full counts and live updates.

One of These Things Isn't Like the Other

The poker blogging community is one big self-promoting-generating-felating-back-scratching group. 

It's sick.  Really really sick.  The name-dropping-pimping-link-love that goes on.  It's fricking disgusting.  You guys (and gals) know you do it.  You know who you are.  And you should be ashamed. 

And you should link to us, RIGHT NOW.  Copy and paste this: http://www.wickedchopspoker.com/ into your next post.  We'll link back to you even, and say how awesome you are.  A post titled, "These People Are Awesome" will be made, and you'll be included.

See, last week something we never thought would happen, happened.  Because of a few observations made in a few posts, a new site became our #1 Top Recent Referrer.  And it wasn't a poker site.  No.  Far from, in fact.

The new site...our new Top Recent Referrer...is...the Clay Report.

We know what you're thinking.  Clay is a great thing.  It is the building block of the family structure, used to make the brick and tile that form our homes. And the Clay Minerals Society (CMS) does amazing work promoting research in and disseminating information on clay science and technology.  Not to mention, clay is an essential fabric in the making of poker chips. 

But the Clay Report is not about any of that.  While the Clay Report is about clay, its focus revolves around all things Clay Aiken.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Just not the path, you know, we were going for when we started this whole thing. 

So, whether you're an A-Lister, B-Lister, C-Lister, or Jason Lester, pimp us right fucking now.  Don't let the Claymates, Clayiacs, Clags, or whatever the hell they're called, takeover the poker world just like they did in Midtown Atlanta, Chelsea Manhattan, West Hollywood Los Angeles, and San Francisco.

Don't.  Let's straighten this situation out, just like Joanna Krupa (top right) could straighten out even the most hardcore Clag (see, you were wondering how we'd "tie" that photo in, and dammit, we did it). 

The TOKE: Those F'in Carolinas Again, Harrington Spills More Secrets, + The Say on Mandaly Bay Day 1 Play

:: Son, you're a big hypocrite.  For some reason, at least when it's typed out, all Carolinians sound like Foghorn Leghorn.  "Boy, I said boy, don't play none of that video poker.  It's eeee-vil."  While technically the banning of video poker really isn't a bad thing, still, the Carolinas are at it again, with North Carolina about to do what South Carolina did a few years ago: kill video poker and kill the competition for its state-sponsored lottery.  The Daily News

:: Action Dan shows more tricks up his sleeve.  To the delight of donks everywhere, Action Dan Harrington has cranked out another sure-to-be best-seller: Harrington on Hold 'em Vol. III -- The Workbook: Expert Strategy for No-Limit Tournaments.  This one is like a big quiz, which is appropriate, since pros everywhere are questioning why Action Dan keeps spilling all of the tricks to the trade.  It would be like David Blaine doing a special showing people how they could hold their breath for like a really long time.  Poker Mag

:: Big names lead Mandalay Bay's first major tournament.  The WPT comes to the Mandalay Bay for the first time, and some big time names are leading the way after Day 1.  Leading them all is Nenad Medic with 141,700.  Some other chips leaders include: 3) Amnon Filippi - 112,150, 4) Josh Arieh - 100,225, 5) Amir Vahedi - 93,575, 6) Carlos Mortensen - 93,400, 7) Tim Phan - 93,000, 8) Hasan Habib - 92,675, 9) Mike Gracz - 87,400, 11) Gavin Smith - 84,400, 12) Patrik Antonius - 83,650, 13) David Oppenheim - 81,925, 15) Tuan Le - 78,300.   Poker Wire

Friday Night Parting Shot: Dannenmann Edition/Maryland Girls

Monday. May 29. Memorial Day.

At a cook-out hosted by a friend of Lady Chops, Chops receives a phone call.

Chops: Chops here.
[loud background noise, sounds like a bar]
Chops: [frustrated] Chops here.
Voice: CHOOOOOOPPPPSSS!
Chops: [frustrated] Chops here.
Voice: CHOPS! CHOPS IT'S (FOWCP, pictured above) MAX!
Chops: Hey what's up man!
[background noise fading, walking outside]
Max: Dude I'm here with Steve Dannenmann!
Chops: What?
Max: Yeah I went to the Cubs game and then hit this bar after the game and Steve Dannenmann was here. I told him I knew you guys and he wants to talk. Here...
Dannenmann: Hey man how's it going!

And conversation ensued. And in that ensuing conversation, Dannenmann mentioned how he kind of likes some of the pictures we post on a regular basis. So it only made sense to dedicate this Parting Shot to the 2005 WSOP ME runner-up and TOC final table finisher, Steve Dannenmann. While Dannenmann requested Jessica Alba, turns out we've already used just about every Jessica Alba pic already posted on the Internet. So instead, we found a bunch of girl-next-door Hometown Hotties for everyone's favorite poker-guy-next-door Dannenmann's home state, Maryland.

Enjoy, after the jump.