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Friday Night Parting Shot: Melissa Theuriau

Melissatheuriau5_1Meet Melissa Theuriau, the ridiculously beautiful French newscaster who's had smelly men all over Frogland watching the news with their pants down ever since she first appeared as the anchorwoman on the 6:40pm nightly news. Think Katie Couric, but instead of looking like an annoying soccer mom you want to nail in the head with a soccer ball so she'll shut the fuck up, Theuriau looks like Shana Hiatt's hot French twin sister you just want to nail.

Or maybe just cuddle with. We can cuddle.

We first came across Theuriau, whose last name alone would break the bank buying vowels on Wheel of Fortune, two years ago when we saw her videos on Ryoni.com. Damn we thought, guess we don't hate all things French. And what talent she has perched at her news desk. She makes all news, even bad news, seem hot.

So Melissa, you say there are riots in the suburbs of Paris. Mmmmm...that's so sexy baby. Tell us about it. What? French immigrants are torching buses after some youths were electrocuted. OK, now you're just talking dirty, but please, do go on. It's hot. Wait, the police are getting ambushed by bat-wielding youths? Hmm...so that's how you want it. You like it rough, don't you Melissa? Don't you?

But don't get us wrong, there's more to Theuriau than just being hot. She is also well educated, worldly, and very articulate, which are all characteristics that would mean something to us if we weren't so shallow.

What else can we say about Melissa? She's 28, has a tattoo on her left side under her navel, and is of Persian descent, or so Wikipedia says. Actually we can confirm the tattoo because Melissa gets all Keeley Hazell-like when she's away from the news desk (NSFW).

Yes, there is a God and he is great.

More proof of God's existence, after the jump, including a video of Theuriau doing her thing and enough pics to make you wish you were French. Well maybe not. But you'll at least wish you were visiting France and stuck in a hotel while Melissa's doing around the clock coverage of immigrants setting Paris ablaze.


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I hate the French, I hate France, I hate everything of French Descent, or so I thought until I saw this hot bitch. As long as she shuts the fuck up and uses her mouth for what God intended which is to suck my fat cock.


How can I get an autograghed photo ???

Chris D.

she's so beautiful she's worthing the cuddle. not that I wouldn't want to bang her too.

Kid Dynamite

Tasty... but I can't' believe you CUDDLE... you pussies.

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