Joe Pelton Falls Just Short

Joe Pelton, a man obsessed with using Wicked Chops Poker's semi-faux-slurs against him as motivation to destroy his opponents, fell just short of winning the WPT Festa al Lago, placing third.

This leads to the inevitable question: "If Joe Pelton didn't win, then WHO DID?"

In two simple words: Andreas Walnum.

He beat Steve Wong, a man who would be 10x cooler if he dropped the "t" in Steve and changed the "o" in Wong to "a." Yes, Seve Wang. Walnum banks $1,090,025 for the win. Seve Wang brings home $542,700. And with that, we've run out of funny things to say.

"Wait, you were actually being funny?"

Fuck you, reader.

The rest of the final table finishes included: Christopher Loveland ($187,745), David Baker ($125,240), and Can Kim Hua ($83,490). Now we're off with the rest of the WPT to discover the female orgasm.