Horrible Headline Alert: What a Wonderful World! John Hennigan Wins WPT Winter Poker Open

Leave it to Card Player to ruin the sort of triumphant return of Johnny "World" Hennigan to the poker scene.

Hennigan...one of the more recognizable faces during the first phase of the poker boom...hasn't so much "done much" on the tournament scene the past year and a half as he "hasn't done much."

However, Hennigan kicked off 2007 right with his first ever WPT title, winning the Winter Poker Open and banking $1,606,223.

And this would be the big news of the day. Except Card Player ruined it.

Don't get us wrong. The Entities that comprise Wicked Chops Poker LOVE spite. Fucking love it. For real. You have no idea. And clearly Card Player is sick of the bombs some publications keep throwing their way.

But Card Player's video of a BLUFF tournament reporter allegedly copying their tournament chip counts and reports has ended up being the big story of the day...instead of Hennigan's win.

For more on the "scandal," check out Pauly's excellent post on the subject.

Wicked Chops Poker's Invaluable Advice of the Day

We Entities of Wicked Chops Poker are not so much about dishing out poker advice on a regular basis as we are about never dishing out poker advice. That's best left for other people to serve up for you.

However, on occasion, we do feel the need to dish out "life" advice that should be considered so valuable that it's invaluable, like:

If you're ever going to let a hot chick slap you in the face, and it didn't hurt, don't tell her that it was like a 3-year-old hitting you. Lie and say, "Ouch, that was a really good slug. Like Maria Sharapova with a tennis racket but completely different because you're way hotter than Maria Sharapova baby. Way hotter."

For those who need video evidence of what not to do, see the video of a guy telling a hot chick she slaps like a 3-year-old after the jump, as well as photos of Maria Sharapova, of course.

Open Poker Winter WPT the Win Not Will Matthew Davidson

To borrow a phrase from every poker writer in the world, "the final table is set" for the WPT Winter Poker Open.

And WCP fave Davidson Matthew, who like Mr. McGregg may have a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg, will not be joining the party. If you like calling a gathering of six poker players at a final table a "party."

Joe Simmons brings the big stack to the final table, sitting with 5,500,000. Joe won a PartyPoker Sunday Millions tourney back in August. Joining him are John Gale, Johnny "World" Hennigan (nice to know he's still alive...haven't seen him on TV lately), Chuck Kelly (nice to know someone still goes by "Chuck"...underrated name, really), Michael Sukonik, and John James.

Check out BLUFF online for final table reporting starting at 5PM EST.

Amarillo Slim Robbed in His Home

Legendary poker player and all-around crazy ass gambler Amarillo Slim was tied up and robbed by two men in his Texas home Sunday night. According to Slim, he returned home to find the two in his house, with his shotguns.

Slim was reportedly unhurt, and the two eventually fled, with his shotguns.

We suspect Slim, who is a young 78, was unphased by the incident considering he's once been kidnapped by Pablo Escobar's men in Colombia and just a few years months ago was shot at three times in his car truck (because it's frickin' Texas) after he told a would-be robber to "fuck off," more or less, while slamming his truck into reverse.

RawVegas.tv's "Shadow Heights" at the AVN in Las Vegas

We're not going to tell you every time a new video posts over at RawVegas.tv but we will give you the heads up when it's a video of the divinely delectable Denise Pernula (aka "Shadow Heights") talking and acting out sexual positions with porn stars like Mya Luana, star of Cream My Crack, as well as 30 plus other "adult films".

And while we're talking RawVegas.tv, make sure to catch up on all the Las Vegas news you need to know each and every day with Denise and her Raw Daily reports.

John, Joe and David are the New Tom, Dick and Harry

At Wicked Chops Poker we work hard to give you all the latest tournament info exactly as it happens with all the crucial detail you need to know so you feel like you are there right in the middle of all the action.

With that said, here's the down and gritty of what's happening at the WPT Borgata Winter Poker Open:

They're down to 10 players, and four of them, including the chipleader, are named John, two are named Joe, and two are named David (or is one Davidson, make up your mind?), and of those left, four guys have first names as their last names, and the only guy not included above has a last name that sounds like it could be a gay version of the game "Whac-A-Mole."

If you're reading this, sorry. We're just filling up some text to line-up with the photo of Farabe Cottingham, who does the bikini like a champ (although her bikini "face" could use some fixin').

For more of Faraba, after the jump.

For more of the WPT Winter Poker Open, first see more of Faraba then go here.

Guy With Last Name for a First and First Name for a Last Leads WPT Winter Poker Open

Davidson Matthew, who in non-bizarro world would be known as Matthew Davidson, is the big stack with 27 remaining at the WPT Winter Poker Open.

Matthew will start the day with 1,455,000. Closely behind him is Joe Simmons with 1,380,000. Yesterday's chip leader, Erik Cajalais, is third overall with 1,046,000.

In sixth overall is pimple-faced Las Vegan Jon Turner. Normally this would warrant zero asides from us...except...turns out he's the same kid Snake wrote about who made a donk call during a $2-5 NLH game at the Bellagio last summer. Based on his decent play at the Winter Poker Open, as well as other tournaments, Turner was either in a donk mood that night or plays with a horseshoe up his butt.

Other big names remaining include Jay Heimowitz, John Phan, Johnny "World" Hennigan, Bill Edler, and Chip Jett.

A Video Metaphor of How Jamie Gold Fared at the WPT Winter Poker Open

Since we mentioned the other day that Jamie Gold was, at one point, the chipleader during day one of the 2007 WPT Borgata Winter Poker Open, we thought we'd update you on his progress by posting this video metaphor of how things went for him, followed by the text after the jump.

Link to YouTube video here

There Are So Many $10k Major Tourneys in January That the WPT Winter Poker Open Doesn't Even Get a Clever Headline

The Entities that comprise Wicked Chops Poker have been so busy launching RawVegas.tv, plotting a coup attempt on a certain Iranian leader, and trying to bring back the Forbidden Dance jet-setting around the globe reporting on all of the major January tournaments that we needed a few days to catch up with the latest: the WPT Winter Poker Open.

At the end of Day 2, Erik Cajelais led all players with 449,600. Last month Cajelais won the $5k buy-in event at the Doyle Brunson Something Something 5-Diamond Something Something Classic, besting a final table that included Tex Barch, Erik Seidel, Justin Bonomo, Shannon Shorr, and Joe Tehan, whose last name sounds too much like Tehran for our liking.

At "press time," Cajalais has continued to build his chip lead, now stacked at 650k. Of the 84 currently remaining, some big names remaining include Haralabos Voulgaris, Bill Edler, Johnny "World" Hennigan, Victor Ramdin, Steve Dannenmann, Chip Jett, Isaac Haxton, and Vanessa Rousso, a woman.

Check out Bluff Magazine for live blogging updates.

Friday Night Parting Shot: Kasia Kraszewskej

We stopped by GorillaMask.net earlier today and came across a link to some extraordinarily nice NSFW pics of Polish Playmate Kasia Kraszewskej and thought: "There we have it, our OWCPG of 2007. Ridiculously smoking hot body, stunningly gorgeous face, beautiful eyes. She just may be hotter than fellow Pol Joanna Krupa, which just sounds absurd to say that a girl could be hotter than Joanna Krupa, but again, she just may be, and she's certainly hotter than the WPT's Polonian princess Sabrina Gadecki, although Sabina is such a cutey, but this Kasia chick, we don't have a clue how to pronounce her last name or let alone type it without saying each letter out loud as we strike the letter on the keyboard, but who cares, let's google and see what else is out there on Kasia. Wow there isn't anything else and these pics are from the March 2005 Polish Playboy which means Kasia must have been killed by gypsies on the way to buy sausage at the market because how does a girl this hot just fall off the face of the Earth and never do another magazine spread again? How God, how?"

And so the late Kasia won't be our OWCPG of 2007 because these pics here and the much, much, much better ones you'll see when you follow the link off this GorillaMask.net page are all we got.

UPDATE: Seems Kasia has another last name she goes by that really is no different than her other last name, so if you're googling for her also try Kasia Kraszewska. Still not much more there, damnit.

Jamie Gold Stacked at the Top Early at WPT Winter Poker Open

Former Team Bodog-er and current one-man Team Buzznation pro team member, Jamie Gold, is sitting at or near the top of the field on day one at the 2007 WPT Winter Poker Open, which is not to be confused with the WPT World Poker Open. Gold was stacked at over 100k last we checked. The event is held at the wonderful Borgata in the not so wonderful Atlantic City.

Here's what the payout looks like for the event:

1st - $1,603,410
2nd - $847,596
3rd - $442,320
4th - $387,030
5th - $331,740

Head over to CardPlayer.com for updates. Or don't.

Negreanu Nearly Nabs WPT Win at World Poker Open

The 2007 World Poker Open in Tunica has come to an end, and walking away with the $913,986 first place cash is some guy you don't know (Bryan Sumner) from a city you don't know (Smyrna, Tenn.), but let us tell you it's a bit "country" and they make Nissans there, ironically, and that a few of us here at WCP have a very bad memory of the place but won't share any details (except that it involved a renegade DEA agent who went by the name Squirrelly Jones, his canine "companion" Lucky and a Dodge Caravan full of pot smoking midgets on their way down to Florida, or so they said).

But that's not the story here.

The real story is that recently bolo-headed Daniel "I'm on a Friggin' Roll Like You Wouldn't Believe" Negreanu finished 2nd at the World Poker Open for his 2nd WPT final table in just over a month and his record-setting 4th consecutive WPT cash and 14th WPT cash overall. Notably, Negreanu's $502,691 take-away at the WPO also pushes his total career tournament winnings up over the $9.5 million mark, which is about $775,000 less than Joe Hachem's career total and a little more than $2.5 million behind Team Buzznation's Jamie Gold. Or in prognosticator terms, Negreanu will be poker's all-time money winner sometime in the spring of 2008, if not sooner, which is very likely considering that the tear he's on now is reminiscent of his $4.4 million run in 2004.

Breaking News: Bodog Issues Statement On Split with Jamie Gold

It's now official.

Bodog.com and embattled 2006 WSOP champ Jamie Gold have split ways. The online gaming site said today that the "Hottest Mom in America" producer sued for half of his $12 million winnings will no longer be a part of Bodog's pro team that includes David Williams, Josh Arieh and Evelyn Ng.

In an official statement today on the split, Bodog.com said:

"In light of its decision to cease all offline marketing initiatives in the U.S., and instead refocus its efforts on growing its entertainment brand in Europe and Asia, Bodog has ended its business relationship with Jamie Gold. Bodog has enjoyed our association with Mr. Gold and wishes him the best of luck in his future endeavors."

Whether those future endeavors will include Gold starting a Team Buzznation poker team consisting of himself and anyone who can stand to be on the same team as him is yet to be seen. There's been no official word yet from the Gold camp, who we suspect are too busy still trying to fuck a football to get a statement out any time soon.

Relive all of the excitement, passion, glory and other emotions that don't come remotely close to summing up the way you've felt about Jamie Gold over the past 6 months here at Wicked Chops Poker.

Photo courtesy of the guys over at WickedChopsPoker.com. We love those guys.

Bungholes Rejoice as Ramdin, Corkins Eliminated from World Poker Open -- Negreanu Among Chip Leaders

Daniel Negreanu is poised to make his second WPT final table in just over a month, as he currently sits with the fifth biggest stack at the World Poker Open.

He trails overall chip leader James Bullard, who we originally mistakenly thought was popular Hollywood Square participant J.J. Bullock. That would've been weird. For real.

Bullard is on a roll, having already won an event at this year's World Poker Open. Bullock is not so much on a roll, as he recently voiced the title character in Queer Duck: The Movie.

Sort of speaking of things we wouldn't want to have happen to us if we were queer, two utterly horrifying names (Victor) Ramdin and (Hoyt) Corkins were both eliminated yesterday, banking $17k+ each. "Dude, I spent the night in jail and someone Corkin'd me." [shiver]

Other top names that cashed but didn't advance were Gavin Smith, Mark Seif, and Robert Mizrachi.

Big names remaining in the final 18 include J.C. Tran, Amir Vahedi, and Kido Pham.

The State of the Poker Nation

Michael Bolcerek, Grand Poobah of the Poker Players Alliance, issued the below "State of Poker" yesterday prior to Bush's State of the Union:

Tonight, in an annual tradition, the President of the United States will address the Congress, his cabinet and our country on the "state of the union" and the goals of the government for 2007. It is not likely the president will include the "state of poker" among his crucial national issues. Thus, I would like to take this moment to provide an update on where poker sits today and examine how you and the Poker Players Alliance (PPA) can continue to work together to preserve and protect the game we love.

As we know painfully well, poker has come under vicious attack over the past year. We continue to learn on a regular basis about home and tavern poker games being raided by law enforcement and how charitable Texas Hold 'Em tournaments are being shut down. Perhaps even worse, we have seen the federal government's full force efforts to curb this American tradition from the Internet. Legislation aimed at prohibiting you from funding your online poker accounts passed the U.S. House this summer, then was quietly slipped into a port security bill, literally in the dark of night, which was signed into law on October 13. During these troubling times, the PPA has given you a voice to express your opposition to the government's intrusive actions and to rally in a united fashion against these constitutional incursions.

A Thing or Two About Porn Stars and Bush

Is RawVegas.tv's Denise Pernula getting hotter with every new video she does or is it just us pimping RawVegas.tv again? Regardless, Chops and gang over there posted Denise's first "Weekend Celebrity Recap" video and smartly had her stand up the whole time (damn!) yet unsmartly forgot to zoom in (damn!). In the report, Denise talks porn with the queen bee of porn herself, Jenna Jameson, who discloses she's been "in the business" for 12 years now, or in porn terms, 2,897 dicks, give or take a dozen or so.

Speaking of Jenna, WWTDD.com is reporting that Ms. Jameson and her soul-sister-in-slutdom Paris Hilton are being considered for a new reality show called "Virgin Territory", which has the tag line "when you win it, you lose it". The producers are apparently looking for males between 18-34 (hey that's our demo) with "no experience necessary" (hey that's not our demo) and the implication is that the winner gets to bang one of the two hosts, which word around town is like throwing a bratwurst into a cave, filled with plague-infected, sausage-loving bats.

And staying on the porn bandwagon, because they're all doing it these days, like it's their business, because it is, poker ex-poker blogger Kid Dynamite talks porn today and brings up the interesting point that the new crop of porn stars were born in the late 1980s which naturally makes him think of Rocket Roger Clemens. Naturally.

The Toke: Poker Movies are Original, Long Live the Gutshot, Playboy Poker Not for You, WPT Dishes New Game + Staying Up for Shana

:: Poker movies are so original. Pierce Brosnan (loved ya in the Matador) will team with casino owner Phil Maloof to star in a film adaptation of the novel "The Big Biazarro," which is about a veteran poker player who mentors a stubborn yet talented protege, which sounds just like the upcoming poker movie Deal, which stars Burt Reynolds as a veteran poker player who mentors a stubborn yet talented protege who he ends up meeting at a WPT final table, which sounds a lot like Lucky You, a film about a veteran poker player and his stubborn yet talented son who he ends up meeting at the final table of the WSOP. And they all sound like The Color of Money. So if you're wondering why your screenplay about a poker player who ___ (fill in with totally unique poker oriented film plot) hasn't piqued the interest of Hollywood producers, it's because it wasnt original like those above. - Starpulse.com

:: Long live the Gutshot! Gutshot owner Derek Kelly, who was convicted recently for violating the UK's 1968 Gaming Act, has announced he will appeal the verdict against him and that the Gutshot will remain open. - PokerNews.com

:: Playboy launches online gambling site for everyone but kids and Americans. Playboy, whose Playmate of the Month is Jayde Nicole (seen in photo with clothes on, unlike here - NSFW), has just launched a new online poker and casino gaming site that offers players the chance to party with Hef as well as a few bunny pics here and there (pretty weak actually) but doesn't permit people under 18 to play, of course, or any American players, because we're children. Playboygaming.com/

:: WPT dishes new TV poker game that only works when it's sunny outside. The World Poker Tour Interactive TV Edition is now available to anyone with Dish Network's DishGAMES subscription service. The game allows players, when there's not a single cloud in the sky and nothing else is good on tv, the chance to challenge virtual poker pros like David Williams, Antonio Esfandiari, Michael Mizrachi, and Evelyn Ng. - CardPlayer.com

:: Insomniacs staying up for "Poker After Dark." "Poker After Dark," NBC’s late night poker show hosted by WCP fave Shana Hiatt, reportedly has out-rated Craig Ferguson in the 18 - 34 demo and was only a tenth of a point behind ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel show last week even though "Poker After Dark" airs two hours later than Kimmel and 90 minutes later than Ferguson. If anyone out there actually watches Craig Ferguson, please contact us for a study we're doing on people who watch shows we think nobody watches. The good news is that "Poker After Dark"'s rating success should mean that a Maxim or Stuff spread for Hiatt is in the near future, and if it's not, please hire us. - BodogBeat.com

This is complete $&%*@ @#@&%$, Says Bluff Publisher

Eric Morris, the dwarf-fearing, Atlanta-based publisher of Bluff Magazine, which if you didn't know features a monthly page or two of shitter-quality material written by us, on the shitter, is pretty fired up and chapped like a Detroit hooker on a bike in December, if that makes sense, about what's going on with the U.S. government's war on Internet gaming.

In a chat with Gambling911.com's Christopher Costigan, Eric became unhinged while talking about the latest news, delivering a delicious, profanity-imbued rant we only wished was videotaped for YouTube consumption or perhaps, to pimp RawVegas.tv, a "Raw Perspectives" piece (with "jazz hands" and all).

Some milder excerpts from the rant include:

"Pretty soon OUR elected officials, who are paid from OUR taxes, can now dictate what we can and can't do. Where will it end? Can the Government tell us what we can buy on EBAY, or which adult sites we can visit, or perhaps tell us the type of man or woman we can solicit if we engage in online dating?"

and

"OUR county is more communist then that of Russia. We live in a fascist regime where it is ok to play the lottery, bet on the ponies and dob a bingo card, because our Govt can once again control their cut of the pie."

For the complete rant, check out the full piece at Gambling911.com.

It's worth noting that Bluff has also announced that its February issue will list its 20 Most Powerful People and Organizations in Poker, and while Doyle Brunson topped the list last year, their press release suggests they may be going in the "Hitler as Man of the Year" direction for this year's numero uno. From the release:

"This Year's Number One is an organization that has left an indelible mark on the future of the game and on the way the game of will be played and has unearthed dark questions of human freedom and individual choice. There is little doubt that the new almighty has had a profound influence on the game of poker, and its up to you to decide how it effects you."

You can read the entire press release here.

War on Online Poker?

Looking over at CardPlayer.com right now, the headline to their story about the DoJ targeting banks in Britain (really it's banks everywhere maybe even some U.S. banks) says: "War on Online Poker: DoJ Targets Banks in Britain." Which leads us to ask: Should all this Neteller, DoJ and legislation business really be characterized as a "War on Online Poker," as CardPlayer.com puts it, or is online poker just collateral damage in a much bigger war on online gaming (in particular sportsbooks and casinos), which is really a continuation of an older war going back to an era of bookies, racketeering and money laundering, as well as perceived societal notions involving the evils of gambling, especially when mainly luck is involved and the odds are greatly stacked against the bettor?

Happy Blue Monday Everyone!!!

Psychologists call today, January 22, "Blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year, because the weather generally blows, the days are still short, you realize you spent too much money over the holidays and you already gave into your New Year's resolution to stop looking at Internet porn so much, or whatever it is you were resolved to do.

And for online gaming sites and for many who played a role in their rise from the backrooms of the Web to the top of the London stock exchange, you can add to the "things that make you depressed" list the recent Neteller shakedown and news yesterday that the US Dept. of Justice has ordered some of the world's biggest banks to hand over all e-mails and documents connected with gaming sites.

As a result, shares in European online gaming companies fell as much as 14 percent today on London's Alternative Investment Market while British politicans have be thrown in a tizzy, or whatever it is Brits do when they're chapped, over the long arm of the U.S. law crossing the Atlantic.

Katherine McPhee Plays Poker

Confession. We're really into ex-American Idol-er Katherine McPhee here at Wicked Chops Poker. Like on par with our Keeley Hazell obsession but completely different, because Katherine doesn't have a sex tape. So naturally when someone told us that McPhee was playing poker in her cameo appearance on a recent webisode of Lonelygirl15 (below, and if you don't know what that's all about, either do we, but why did Bree kiss Daniel, she like is so playing him and she knows it), we had to check it out.

Well, we did, and there's really not much to say about the video except that there are some hot photos of Katherine McPhee posted after the jump (and a video of Carmen Electra mocking Lonelygirl15) that make watching the video seem pointless, because it is.

US Takes War on Online Gambling to the Banks

Reuters, among other news sources, are reporting today that the U.S. Department of Justice has ordered some of the world's biggest banks to hand over all e-mails, telephone records and documents connected with gaming sites as part of its war against online gambling in America.

HSBC, Dresdner Kleinwort, Credit Suisse and Deutsche Bank are among the European-based banks that have been issued with subpoenas, and sites mentioned as part of the axis of evil online gambling include 888.com and A. Dikshit's Partygaming, the parent company of PartyPoker.com.

The subpoenas were apparently issued three weeks ago as part of the U.S. government's all-out assault on online gambling that has seen a number of gaming executives arrested and online gambling sites pulling out of the lucrative U.S. market.

Friday Night Parting Shot: Denise Pernula + Lauren Boiros

It only seems fitting that we have RawVegas.tv's Denise Pernula and Lauren Boiros as this week's Friday Night Parting Shot Girls. They're both incredibly hot, sexy, smart and super cool.

But more importantly, it's fitting because someone over at the Raw Vegas office just e-mailed us a half dozen or so photos of the two pruriently posing together, and they say "Friday Night Parting Shot" like nothing else we've seen. Literally. As in, in the "subject" of the e-mail it says: "Friday Night Parting Shot."

And while we could tell you all about how the blonde-hair Denise is a UNLV grad with acting credits that include CSI: Vegas and movies like Rock Balboa and that brunette Lauren had roles in movies like Ocean's Eleven and Rush Hour 2, why waste your time. You already know that. Because we just told you.

Plus you can read more about the two over at their page on the RawVegas.tv. That is, when you're done "looking at" their photos both there and, say it with us now, "after the jump."

Mycock is Out at the EPT Scandy Open

Keeping you up-to-the-minute (give or take an hour or two) on Mycock's status at the EPT Scandy Open, the PokerStars Blog guys are reporting that Mycock fell out in 16th place. Looks like Mycock got into a huge pot with Magnus Petersson that left Mycock "shrivelled," as the PokerStarsblog guy's put it (because we're not the only ones with a sixth grade sense of humor). For his work, Mycock cashes 96,768 Danish kroner, which we understand is more than Mycock has ever earned for a few days work.

WCP fave TJ Cloutier, by the way, was outlasted by Mycock, but not by much. He finished in 20th place.

For the final 12 remaining at the EPT Scandy Open in Copenhagen, Denmark, where the average chick is hotter than Jessica Simpson, check out the PokerStars Blog.

A Post About Mycock and Other Poker News

Here's a toke-like roundup of some tournament and poker news going on today:

:: Word is that a guy named Simon Mycock--yes, Mycock--is stacked big at the EPT event in Denmark. You can keep track of Mycock over at the Pokerstars blog where they're watching Mycock closely, like it's their job, because it is. Seriously, those guys will let you know whether Mycock is raising, limping or all-in or if Mycock gets sucked out on the river, or whatever Mycock is doing. Really, they're all over Mycock and we love it.

:: Mycock is a hard act to follow so let's keep it simple and just tell you that Gus Hansen came up big down under, winning the Aussie Millions for his first big tournament win since, it seems, Mycock was little.

:: Put Card Squad's Wil Wheaton in "the sky is falling" column.

:: Did we mention the Gavin Smith and Joe Sebok "Prop Bets" show at RawVegas.tv yet?

:: Someone actually watched the new Rob and Amber poker-themed reality show.

* Photo of Mycock courtesy of PokerStarsBlog.com

What is Sexy? Gavin Smith on a Mechanical Bull is Sexy

Move over Keeley Hazell sex tape.

RawVegas.tv, the new i-TV channel headed up by our very own Chops, has the Gavin Smith mechanical bull-riding video. And damn is it sexy. Like clown porno sexy, or sexy if you're into "not that good looking," "short" and "overweight" (to quote the man himself) poker players from America Jr. flailing around on an electric cow with horns.

RawVegas.tv, which went live today and is giving viewers a "first look" at its programming line-up, has a show called "Prop Bets," starring Gavin Smith and Joe Sebok that more or less picks up where we last saw the two, with their ridiculous WSOP prop bet, which, in case you don't remember, had Joe dressed as a diaper-wearing bear, the Boy Wonder, Spidey and Wonder Woman.

On this first webisode, the two wager $10,000 cash on who can ride a mechanical bull the longest. And not to spoil the video but let's just say that the guy with the last name Sebok wins. Other upcoming prop bets may or may not include Chinese water torture and face punching.

And yes, we did say clown porno.

Ok, Is the Sky Falling or Not?

Bill Rini at BillRini.com says it is.

Amy Calistri over at PokerNews.com says it's not, or it isn't, depending on the contraction.

Both know their shit. Both make a point. So give them a read.

Also if you've missed out on this whole Full Tilt Poker vs. Poker.com feud down at the Aussie Millions, it's a dandy. Gambling911.com, of course, is all over it here and here. Kind of reminds us of the whole Full Tilt vs. Mansion Poker feud.

A Woman Will Not Win the Aussie Millions

Kristy Gazes, a woman, was eliminated in 7th place by Gus Hansen, reports Pauly over at PokerNews.com. Pauly's been all over the action at the Aussie Millions like Keeley on Lloyd, but only more like a pro and not as sloppy, although sloppy can be fine which brings to mind how there's no such thing as a bad, you know, lewinsky, just good ones and great ones, but there is such a thing as bad live blogging.

Ok, carry on.

RawVegas.tv Premieres Tomorrow (so that's what Chops has been up to)

You see those two girls to the right? That's Lauren and Denise, and they're part of the reason why WCP's very own Chops moved to Las Vegas a few months ago.

And starting tomorrow, January 19, you'll get to see a lot more of Lauren and Denise, as well as everything Chops and his crew have been working on over at RawVegas.tv, when the first-of-its-kind Internet TV channel goes live.

We'll have a lot more to say about RawVegas.tv then and later (and of course more pics of Denise and Lauren), but for now, check out the promo video over at www.RawVegas.tv for a glimpse of what to expect. And if you're a MySpacer, stop spamming hot chicks with webcams for a sec and visit the RawVegas.tv MySpace page at www.myspace.com/rawvegas.

UPDATE: If the temporary RawVegas.tv landing page isn't showing the promo video right now, you can check out a YouTube version of it over at www.myspace.com/rawvegas.

The Sky is Falling, Everywhere

As James pointed out in his comment to our last post, and as confirmed by the Man in Melbourne Pauly himself (nice pic dump by the way), Kristy Gazes, a woman, has made the final table of the Aussie Millions, which of course is a major poker tournament, which, as we've said before, would lead to some serious social, moral, ethical, religious, geopolitical, environmental, scientific, meteorological, pharmaceutical, astronomical, and diabolical implications if indeed she pulled through and won the damn thing.

And sure, if this happens (yeh right), entities such as Full Tilt Poker will likely come out and say "A woman winning a major poker tournament has no impact on the state of the world."

But we entities no better. And so we'll be keeping tabs of the final table over at Tao Of Poker and waiting with bated breath, whatever that means, from the comfort of our underground bunker.

No Really, the Sky is Falling on U.S. Poker Market

We're not ones to panic here at Wicked Chops Poker but while we were in our underground bunkers this morning we read Bill Rini's post about Neteller exiting the U.S. market, and let's just say we're days away from going back to being Wicked Chops State Lotteries (ah, remember those days). Or maybe we'll just go with the Wicked Chops Pageant Chicks idea.

It's also worth noting that we're not buying Full Tilt Poker's position that "NETeller's decision has no impact on our business here at Full Tilt Poker."

Yeh, and we're pirates.

Anyway, our food-tasters are done testing our Lucky Charms and everything looks good so we're gonna go eat. For now though, check out the articles below, which are mostly from Gambling911.com because they're on this Neteller news like we're on the Keeley Hazell sex tape scandal. Except they keep their pants on.

NETeller arrests deal blow to Net gambling

Full Tilt Poker Heavy Reliance on NETeller Could Prove Costly.

NETeller Arrests Deal Blow to Net Gambling.

NETeller, Citadel Out!
Both NETeller and Citadel announced late Wednesday, that they will no longer offer financial processing to US Customers.

Before Keeley There Was April

It's a little known fact that April Scott (that's her above, go ahead, don't read anymore, just click the banner to see more of April) is the first girl we posted a photo of here at Wicked Chops Poker that had absolutely nothing to do with poker. Or put another way, without April Scott, there may have never been a Keeley Hazell, or at the least, thousands of people hitting our site yesterday and today looking for a link to Keeley's sex tape would be left wandering around the so-called Internet with absolutely nowhere to go, except for the thousands of other sites also linking to Keeley's sex tape.

Not to get all spiritual here but thank God there is an April Scott. She does exist. And if faith isn't enough for you, GorillaMask.net posted 12 photos of April Scott in lingerie today as proof.

And to that we say "Hallelujah!"

Have You Met the Big Poppa, Jamie Gold?

The first hand of the first episode of High Stakes Poker on GSN was a gem, with Jamie Gold making a move on "Big Poppa" Doyle Brunson on the turn when he had bottom pair and a straight draw while Brunson held the nuts, and it's now up at YouTube.com, which you can view below. Up For Poker has a transcript of the hand, in part, but watch the video (beginning about 3 minutes in) for Gabe Kaplan's priceless commentary and for Sheiky and the gang's digs at the high stakes newbie.

Keeley Hazell Does as Predicted

Last year, back in November of 2006, which was just a few months ago, Wicked Chops Poker mentioned that Keeley Hazell was in talks to star in a "Baywatch movie."

In the same post, we also threw it out there that the Brit beauty may just follow in the footsteps of Pamela Anderson in other ways, including, among other things, "getting banged on tape."

And unless you live under a rock and that rock doesn't have a good Internet connection, then you know the latter happened.

Now it seems the former (in case you forgot already, that's Keeley starring in a Baywatch movie) is going to happen, which to cynical types and people with any common sense whatsoever, makes the release of her sex tape seem like a publicity ploy. Of course, we just think it's an awful coincidence.

Reported today in the Sun, Keeley is all but certain to don the famous red swimsuit in the upcoming Baywatch movie after wowing film producers with her looks and, uh, acting skills.

Hazell, who is in L.A. right now, reportedly had this to say:

“Before I won the Sun’s Page 3 Idol competition in 2004 I was just a girl from Kent working in a hairdressing salon. Now I am here in Hollywood. It would be a great opportunity to try some acting and I’ll see where it takes me."

To the top Keeley. All the way to the top.

God Clearly Hates Poker

There's no doubt that God loves us. Keeley Hazell is proof of that. As are pageant girls who shag judges and kiss other girls while simulating sex acts.

But our guts tell us he doesn't love poker.

In what seems to be one blow to the game of poker after another, Derek Kelly, the owner of the Gutshot poker club, handsdown the best place to play poker in London, has been convicted of "contravening the Gaming Act" for "illegally charging a levy on the winnings and illegally charging a fee to take part in" poker games, or to put it another way, for owning the best place to play poker in London. The result will likely be the closing of the the unlicensed club, which has been holding games since 2004, and notwithstanding being the home turf of Tiffany "Crazy Bitch" Williamson, has produced a steady flow of top notch card tossers.

No More InstaCash for U.S. Players

Gambling911.com, CasinoGamblingWeb.com and other sites that don't sleep at night are reporting that Neteller has dropped its InstaCash option for U.S. players, no doubt in response to the charges levied against its founders and all-around groovy dudes John Lefebvre and Stephen Lawrence.

According to Gambling911.com, the below is the message players received when trying to use the option at PokerStars.com:

“Neteller’s Insta Cash option for U.S. players has been discontinued. You may still make a regular Neteller deposit at this time. If you don’t already have funds available at Neteller, please use our Instant eCheck deposit option to make an immediate deposit directly from your bank account.”

For more on the Neteller shakedown and its effect on the U.S. market, check out BillRini.com as well as the article "Neteller Arrests Bode Ill for Online Gambling" over at BusinessWeek.com.

The Sky Is Falling (Maybe): Arrests of Lefebvre and Lawrence Had Everything to do with Neteller

The complaints against NETeller founders John Lefebvre and Stephen Lawrence were unsealed this afternoon, and we now know that they are being charged with conspiring to transfer funds (money laundering) with the intent to promote illegal gambling (by starting and operating NETeller), and face a maximum of 20 years in the clink.

According to U.S. Attorney Michael Garcia, (photo at right, or is that Dermot Mulroney?), when Lawrence and Lefebvre helped take NETeller public in 2004, they "conceded that they were risking prosecution by the government of the United States under existing or future federal laws."

Garcia continued in a statement, "Blatant violations of U.S. law are not a mere `risk' to be disclosed to prospective investors. Criminal prosecutions related to online gambling will be pursued even in cases where assets and defendants are positioned outside of the United States."

Fuck. Shit. Damn.

Read more about the U.S. governments charges against Lefebvre and Lawrence and some initial analysis in the articles listed after the jump:

Keeley Hazell Feels Betrayed, In Tears, Now More Famous Than Ever

We feel obliged to stay on top of this Keeley Hazell sex tape scandal for some reason that has to do with wasting the day looking at photos of Keeley Hazell, and the latest news is that Ms. Hazell is understandably chapped about her home video getting leaked. Here's what she told the Sun today on how she found out:

“I was in bed on Sunday morning when Page 3 girl Nicola T rang. She informed me stills from a personal video I had made with an ex-boyfriend were in a downmarket newspaper. I got straight up and went out and bought it. I just burst into tears when I saw the images staring back at me.”

Pointing the finger at ex-boyfriend Lloyd Miller, Keeley went on to say:

“Never in my wildest dreams did I think he would betray me in this way. Now I don’t know who I can trust. I never had any intention of it being seen. I haven’t even seen it myself and have no intention of doing so. We had taken a video camera on holiday with us to Tenerife last summer. We were both feeling relaxed after a couple of drinks and it just happened. I have turned down offers to do Playboy covers because there were certain things I simply didn’t want others to see. Now I feel I have no dignity left. In future I know I will have to be more careful who I fall in love with.”

So out of respect for Keeley we ask that you please don't view her sex tape, anymore, today, or at the least, right now, this minute.

Also, if you're wondering who Nicola T is, photos after the jump....

Yes, That Is a Photo of NETeller Founder John Lefebvre

If there's two incontrovertible facts we know for certain from watching the television show, "24," it's that you can't trust anyone with the name "Ahmed," even if they seem like a friendly neighbor and starred in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, and that Los Angeles is the city terrorists want to blow into oblivion more than any other place in the world, for some reason.

What this has to do with the arrests of NETeller founders John Lefebvre and Stephen Lawrence, we have no idea. Or actually we did but we don't remember the segue anymore because we completely lost our train of thought after seeing the photo to the right of Lefebvre standing in the water jamming on a mandolin coupled with the amount of concentration needed to make sure we type the unnecessary "b" in his last name.

What we do remember though is that no one knows yet why John Lefebvre and Stephen Lawrence were arrested simultaneously on separate coasts in America on MLK day.

Tax evasion? NETeller related? Being Canadians? We just don't know.

What we do know though is after the jump . . .

NETeller Founders Arrested in the U.S., May Be Terrorists

Gambling911.com, a site that is known for breaking online gambling news like it's their frickin' business, because it is, is reporting that the two founders of NETeller--John LeFebvre and Steve Lawrence (both originally from America Jr.)--were arrested in Los Angeles and New York, respectively, today. What they're charge with is unknown right now but our wild imaginations assume that it has something to do with the nuclear bomb Fayed and his men detonated tonight on the second two hours of the season premiere of "24." Just our hunch.

According to Gambling911.com, "Neither men have been involved with NETeller for a few years now, though it is not known if they are still receiving an "income" from the company."

Gambling911.com is on the story like Keeley Hazell on Lloyd Miller's pathetically flacid...well, you get the idea. They're all over it so stay tuned there, or here, where we'll just point you back to there.

NBC Heads-Up Line-Up Listed, Partially

We're so busy lately we're lazy, if that even makes sense, which it does but we're too busy/lazy to explain why it does.

And because we are so busy/lazy, we're just going to publish word-for-word what NBC said about the partial list of players invited to play the National Heads-Up Poker Championship (the stuff in italics after the jump) and to pretty it up we'll accompany it with a photo of our all-time favorite (and this time we mean it) Bodog Girl Katie Nault and her sister Kim (the two girls you see in the photo):

We're Too Busy Killing Time

We're too busy killing time to do some of the posts we'd do if we weren't too busy killing time right now so while we kill time, why don't you head over to GorillaMask.net to kill some time at one of our favorite places to kill time. Last we looked they have a link to an obscenely hot Keeley Hazell "Page 3" spread, plus a link to photos of people duct taped to walls and ceilings. So you have that going for you, if you're looking to kill some time.

Of course you could also kill some time this evening by viewing for the 100th time all the so-called "After the jump"'s from our past Friday Night Parting Shot Girls, if you're into that sort of thing, which we are and which we are doing right now to kill some time.

Ryan Daut (Who?) Ryan Daut (Who?) Ryan Daut (...Who?) Wins WPT Caribbean Fantastical and We Don't Care

Let's make this quick: Isaac Haxton, Howard Stern's love-child, had a Mongoloidian-sized chip lead throughout the WPT Caribbean Fantastical and out-stacked some guy named Ryan Daut 14M to 5M going into heads up play, but Haxton did not end up winning. Haxton sort of donked off his chips by moving all in on Daut with a gutshot straight draw, which Daut sort of made a donk call with just ace high, and Daut's ace high held and he took over the chip lead and won the tourney.

For more in-depth "coverage" and poker writing that takes on more of a literary flavor, read all about it on Card Player. Their write-up is, well, it's interesting. Not really sure how else to put it.

Poker's the Star of New Rob and Amber Reality Show

With a headline like that you'd think this post wouldn't just publish nearly-naked photos of Amber Brkich but would actually tell you all about the new reality TV show debuting tomorrow on Fox Reality that follows Boston Rob Mariano and Amber (seen in photo from BodogBeat.com) as they move from their home in Pensacola (they won $1.25 million on Survivor and chose to live in Pensacola?) to Las Vegas where Rob attempts to make it as a professional poker player with the help of Daniel Negreanu.

But we don't believe there's actually a "Fox Reality channel," or if there is, we don't believe that anyone would actually greenlight such a show, and if they did, we don't believe anyone will watch it, and if they do, we don't believe they are the type who read this site, and if they are, then we think you'd like the video on this site better.

And so we won't tell you about this show, which is titled, "Rob and Amber: Against the Odds", will debut this Thursday, January 11th, 08:00 PM ET on this so-called Fox Reality channel and is the seventh or so reality show the pair has done now (“Survivor: All Stars”, “The Amazing Race”, “Rob and Amber Get Married”, "Rob and Amber Eat a Ham Sandwich," to name a few).

What we will tell you though is that Amber Brkich is a borderline natural-born-stunner and ridiculously do-able but also seems as dull as ditchwater, for the lack of a better idiom, as well as so pathetically subservient to her husband that it makes us (yes us, men who are anxiously awaiting for the whole "women's right to fair wages/make up their own minds/be let out of the kitchen wearing something other than lingerie" fad to pass) uncomfortable.

After the jump, a few nearly-naked photos of Amber from her Stuff Magazine spread plus shots we took at the 2005 WSOP of Amber doing her best puppy dog while Rob "plays" poker.

Issac Haxton (Who?) Issac Haxton (Oh)...Howard Stern's Illegitimate Love Child?

We here at Wicked Chops Poker have figured it out. Our mystery solving abilities are on par with some real life figure who is well known and solves mysteries, but whose name escapes us right now. Not that we won't solve that mystery soon either!

Isaac Haxton came out of seriously nowhere at the WPT Caribbean Fantastical and like when the USA nuked Hiroshima and Nagasaki, he's just obliterated the field.

Which lead us to wonder...why haven't we heard of this Isaac Haxton before? But now, we know why: he's clearly Howard Stern's illegitimate love child (evidence at right). He's been tucked away for years as not to bring unnecessary attention to his pop, Howard Stern. It all makes sense now, really.

Mystery solved. We slept really, really well last night, btw. This whole Haxton thing was bugging us. Final table chip counts below. We're not saying the final table is "lackluster" but we just spoke to Luster, and he told us that something was lacking. Holy shit that wasn't funny.

Issac Haxton	- 9,275,000
Robert Ford	- 2,500,000
Ryan Daut	- 2,415,000
Jonathan Little	- 2,250,000
Robert Mizrachi	- 1,325,000
Frank Rusnak	- 1,175,000

* Photo swiped from Card Player.

Harrah's Announces 2007 WSOP [Presented by Milwaukee's Best Light] Schedule

Harrah's Entertainment, owner of the World Series of Poker brand, announced the 2007 WSOP schedule. Below are some key highlights in bullet point format:

• More events this year, 55 in total
• More mixed events than last year, with a S.H.O.E event back in the mix and a total of three H.O.R.S.E. events
• A mixed hold-em championship
• A $5k heads-up hold'em championship

Harrah's has also added more tables for live tourneys and cash games, totaling over 300.

It's an ambitious schedule given the state of online poker in the States, but hat's off to Harrah's for listening to poker pros who wanted more mixed games and less hold'em.

Read the full WSOP schedule after the jump or visit the World Series of Poker official website.

Isaac Haxton (Who?) Isaac Haxter (Oh) Leads WPT Caribbean Fantastical Adventure

Let's see, with 16 remaining, Isaac Haxton leads the WPT Caribbean Fantastical, stacked at 3,754,000. Hmmm. What else we got. He's trailed by Jonathan Little (who?) Jonathan Little (oh) with 2,084,000.

In third overall is the man who taught the 2006 Card Player POY the Grinder everything he knows, Robert Mizrachi. Also still in the mix is Scott Clements, who looks like he'd freaking kill you, and the aforementioned in our previous post, Justin Bonomo.

Steve Paul-Ambrose was eliminated in 20th.

Phil Gordon Wants No Part of Justin Bonomo

With the holidays, ski trips in Austria, and four days of complete black-out from ridiculously excessive drug use, we missed a few stories over the last month.

As we've somewhat chronicled, since turning 21, Justin Bonomo (at right) has flat-out tore up the poker landscape. He's in position to make yet another final table at another WPT main event, this time at the Caribbean Fantastical Adventure.

However, there's a lot of people that still don't like the kid. One of them being Phil Gordon.

In a recent, if by "recent" we mean "three weeks ago" Poker Edge on ESPN, Gordon referred to Bonomo as "the cheater" and said,

"I don't ever want to have him on the show...I don't want his name brought up on the show."

He then suggested that anyone identified as a cheater should receive an automatic five-year ban from playing live poker.

All Right, We Get It, Justin Bonomo is a Freaking Poker Prodigy

Recently turned 21 year old famed online cheater poker player Justin 'ZeeJustin' Bonomo is proving to be an unbelievably skilled live player as well. After making four final tables at the WPT Five-Diamond Something Something Doyle Brunson Something Something Classic last month, Bonomo is riding his hot hand (sounds more masturbatory than intended) in the Bahamas at the WPT Caribbean Fantastical Adventure.

Justin Bonomo is stack at 475,000. In second is the unbelievably talented for one week each year Steve Paul-Ambrose at 408,400.

In an ridiculously fast scan of the 122 remaining, some big names include: Barry Shulman (187,700), Robert Mizrachi (146,800), Scott Clements (134,500), Aaron Kanter (113,800), David Williams (90,000), Nenad Medic (75,000), Michael Binger (45,000), and John Phan (26,800).

Steve Paul-Ambrose is an Awesome Poker Player One Week Every Year

The year's first major $10k gathering is apparently the only poker tournament in the world that is full of such intrigue and physical peril that it's not just a "championship" or "classic" or "final," but it's a splendid fantastical "adventure."

Held at the Atlantis in the Bahamas, the WPT Pokerstars.com Caribbean Adventure brought a field of nearly 1,000 players to enjoy the sand, surf, cards...and possibly crime-solving, swash-buckling, and a key to the ancient jewel of Abakar that the diabolical Dr. Simon Licthenstein will stop at nothing...NOTHING...to keep you from obtaining.

Day 2 play is just underway, and last year's winner, Steve Paul-Ambrose (at right, after winning), currently leads the field. Ambrose clearly brings his best when the added element of adventure is involved.

Other big names currently big stacked include David Williams, Barry Shulman, Nenad Medic, Daniel Negreanu, Shannon Shorr, and the Grinder.

* Image from the PokerStars Blog.