Our Hopes for an All Asian Final Table Crushed, Although Tran Back as Leader at WPT LAPC

From what we can tell, of the 18 players remaining at the WPT LAPC, only four of them are Asian, ruining what we'd hope would be an all Asian final table.

But before we continue, let's quickly get this out of the way: we're a little prejudiced. When we see an Asian at a poker table, we automatically assume he/she is a force to be reckoned with. We stay out of pots with him/her unless we absolutely must. Why? 1) Look at the damn leaderboards at tournaments. It's typically got more Nguyen's and Chan's than a Chinese (or Vietnamese) phone book. And 2) There's a 99% chance that he/she was trained by Men the Master. Which is fine by us, since Men is a renown anti-communist, making him more red-blooded American than half the pussies in this country. End tangent.

All of this exposition of course leads us to our tournament leader, J.C. Tran, who continues to just kill the online and live tournament circuit. Tran, who built his chip lead by sucking out on Joe Sebok, is lapping the field, stacked at 3,461,000. In second overall is an "American" from South Florida who doesn't speak a lick of English named Jacobo Fernandez with 1,334,000.

Yesterday's chip leader, Bill Edler, is fourth overall with 1,160,000. Other notables remaining include Chau Giang, Paul Wasicka, and Kristy Gazes, who is a woman.

Suk Sung was eliminated in 21st place.

Get full reports at Poker News.

Bill Edler Leads WPT LAPC; Suk Sung Doesn't Suck

Three days into the WPT LAPC and here's five things we've learned:

1) Nothing causes a stir quite like a last longer ass tattoo prop bet (get Gavin and Joe's thoughts on it in yesterday's Raw Vegas Daily News)
2) Suk Sung has our new favorite name. Mildly obsessed with it.
3) This Isaac Haxton kid is freaking good, man. Although it totally suk sungs that he's stuck 800k in Neteller.
4)  As much as we hate to admit it, that dork Ted Lawson has some wicked poker chops. Ire ire.
5) That LA Poker Classic logo would've been awesome in 1991.

Chip leaders after Day 3 are: Bill Edler (696,000), Jason Strasser (677,000), Suk Sung (668,000), and J.C. Tran (636,000). Other notables still alive include Paul Wasicka, whose name looks too much like swastika for our liking, Nick Schulman, Jeff Cabanillas, Isaac Haxton, Kristy Gazes (a woman), Joe Awada, Chau Giang, Nam Le, and Ted Lawson.

Personally, we here at Wicked Chops Poker are rooting for an all Asian final table consisting of: Suk Sung, Chau Giang, Sung Yi, Shan Jing, Nhut Tran, and Can Kim Hua. Try that on for size, Mike Sexton!

Get full reports at Poker News.

Joanna Krupa's "Go Naked" Posters Make for a Good Post

When we got in from our Donkey Basketball pick-up game the other night we got an email from a reader ("hendu213") who shared two things with us: (1) Stupendously hot pics of Joanna Krupa posing in the buff for her "I'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur" PETA campaign, and (2) That he went to Paramus High School, in Paramus, NJ with Jamie G. and that the WSOP champ-colluder played varsity tennis in high school and we quote, "was as much of a prick then as he is now."

By the way, if you missed the most recent Jamie Gold podcast interview, it's "[A] must-hear thriller" . . . "Rivetingly painful, yet delightfully absurd, the Jamie Gold podcast is a one-man show of self-love that would make Narcissus blush," says Wicked Chops Poker. Listen to it here. Jamie gets going about a finger width in. And doesn't stop.

Or skip listening to Jamie G. talking endlessly about how great he is and get to the visual confirmation of the stupendousness that is Joanna Krupa, after the jump. "They're stupendous," says Wicked Chops Poker.

Isaac Haxton Stuck $800k in Neteller Shakedown

Isaac Haxton finishes second in the PokerStars.net Caribeen Poker Adventure on January 10, 2007 and banks $861,789. PokerStars then dumps his winnings into his online poker account, and five days later news of Keeley Hazell's homemade sex tape hits the Internet, which has nothing to do with this story. The very next day though Neteller's founders are arrested and soon after Neteller freezes U.S. accounts, which they eventually admit were seized as evidence by the U.S. Government to the tune of $55 million, $800k of which is Haxton's. We'd say he's fired up about being stuck huge by the U.S. government in this video interview with PokerNews.com, but he's not, strangely enough.

Link to Isaac Haxton video here.

Bodog Ari is a Good Kid

Link to Bodog Ari video here.

QUIZ: 23-year-old online poker wunderkind Bodog Ari, an all around good kid with a promising future in poker, is to Jamie Gold as Little Miss Sunshine's Abigail Breslin is to (A) Britney Spears, (B) Paris Hilton, (C) Lindsay Lohan, (D) Dakota Fanning, in a few years, or (E) All of the Above.

After you answer that, stop by Tao of Poker for a video of Erica Schoenberg rockin' it out in a Cinderalla (the rock band) tee for PokerNews.com's grand poobah John Caldwell. We're not saying but just saying that Erica would totally dig us if we looked 10 years older than we really are.

UPDATE: Jamie Gold isn't done laying at the river bank wasting away while staring down into the water at his own reflection. Check out THIS PODCAST with Jamie Gold that accompanied the interview he just did with The New York Times. "Rivetingly painful, yet delightfully absurd, the Jamie Gold podcast is a one-man show of self-love that would make Narcissus blush," says Wicked Chops Poker.

Gavin Smith to Get Joe Sebok's Initials Tatt'd on His Keister

Our RawVegas.tv "Prop Bet" heroes are both out at the LAPC with Gavin Smith busting first right before the dinner break and Joe Sebok, who started the day as chipleader, hitting the rail four hours later after turning a Queen high flush and getting it all-in on fifth only to be up against JC Tran's rivered full house.

While Sebok had high hopes at the LAPC and is no doubt disappointed to walk away empty-handed, it sure beats walking away with an unwelcomed tatt on his ass. That dis-honor goes to the last longer loser, Gavin Smith, who will now be getting Sebok's initials permanently inked on his keister, an act that the RawVegas.tv cameras may or may not want to capture for posterior-ity purposes.

With Sebok and Smith both out, the story at the LAPC is no longer about whose ass is going to get inked but who will walk away with the $2,429,970 first place cash. JC Tran, one of the best tournament players around, both live and online, is sitting nicely at the top of the count with $543,700 (pic of Tran teeing it up, for no good reason other than it's not a poker pic). Online phenom and occasional blogger, Alan "Bodog Ari" Engel, is stacked near the top with $280,000. The youngin' wins online tournaments at Bodog.com and elsewhere like it's his job, because it is. He has yet to make a final table though in a major live tournament, and we'd be lying if we said we weren't pulling for him here.

Read on after the jump. It's a blast!

Not Inked Yet: Sebok Strong, Smith Survives WPT LAPC Day One

Typically, when there's nothing interesting to report at tournaments, we here at Wicked Chops Poker like to make things up.

Fortunately for us, Joe Sebok and Gavin Smith are making this LAPC Main Event very interesting.

As we detailed, before the tournament began, the two agreed on a last longer wager for their Prop Bets show on RawVegas.tv. The first to be eliminated has to get the other guy's initials tattoo'd on their butt.

Apparently, Sebok REALLY doesn't want to get inked with Gavin's name. Battling a bum ankle and over a 700 person field, Sebok was the first player to break 100k AND 200k in chips, as he ended Day 1 of the WPT LAPC as one of the leaders, stacked around 205k.

To Gavin's credit, he battled off being short-stacked most of the day to finish with 31k, including an unreal call on someone's bluff. We're not saying there's no quit in Gavin Smith, but there's no quit in Gavin Smith. Ok, I guess we're saying it.

For up-to-the-minute coverage of the LAPC, including video interviews and chip counts, head over to PokerNews.com.

UPDATE: Day Two is about to get underway and PokerNews.com has updated chip counts just before the start. Joe Sebok will begin the day at the top of the count with $204,175 and Gavin Smith starts the afternoon with $48,275, better than previously thought and just above the average stack of 44,000 with 368 players remaining. Keep track of the action over at PokerNews.com and here at Wicked Chops Poker, as Chops may or may not be reporting directly from the Commerce, where he's at now, and Snake and the Addict are soon on their way to La La for the LAPC after they hug it out first with Jamie G. and their good buddy Crispin, among other things.

Joe Sebok Chipleader at LAPC, Gavin Smith One Step Closer to Getting "J.S." Tatt'd on His Backside

Three levels into Day One at the LA Poker Classic and Joe Sebok (at right) is the chipleader with 84k while Gavin Smith is at 20k, according to the fine folks at PokerNews.com, who are all over the the LAPC like Keeley Hazell schlobbing on her ex-boyfriend's butuh (for our Singaporean readers), but not as messy and much more professional.

If you missed our last post, Sebok and Smith have a last longer prop bet that is being filmed for their RawVegas.tv series "Prop Bets" (aka "The Stupid Show"). The loser has to get the other's initials tattooed on their culo (for our Spanish readers), which of course will be filmed and aired on RawVegas.tv.

Those who are already out early on Day 1 at the LAPC but who thankfully don't have to get "J.S." or "G.S." inked on their derriere (for our French readers) are Jamie Gold, Justin Bonomo, Mark Seif, Joe Hachem, Vanessa Rousso, Daniel Negreanu, Evelyn Ng, Gus Hansen, Amir Vahedia, Amnon Filippi, Huck Seed and Clonie Gowen.

For up-to-the-minute coverage of the LAPC, including video interviews and chip counts for Sebok, Smith and others, head over to PokerNews.com's live coverage of the LAPC.

To see Tiffany "Hot Chips" Michelle's interview with Crispin "Don't Call Me Bruce" Leyser, in which he chats about Jamie "The Colluder" Gold go here.

Get the dish on the team covering the LAPC for PokerNews.com over at Tao of Poker.

For a photo of Chad Brown/Lorenzo Lamas at the LAPC go here.

WPT LAPC: The Gavin Smith - Joe Sebok Last Longer Prop Bet

About halfway through Day 1 at the WPT LAPC, and Joe Sebok is well positioned to outlast Gavin Smith in their latest Prop Bet.

The first of the two to get eliminated will receive a tattoo of the other guy's initials on their ass.

For real.

Sebok, who started the day seated at a table with 2006 WSOP ME champ Jamie Gold (Gold lasted under two hours), is stacked around 32k. Gavin Smith is getting dangerously low. It's getting so dire, David Williams, who is seated at Gavin's table, is giving him advice on how to stay alive longer.

Says Sebok: "Broken ankles mean nothing to me. I will crush souls and I will stomp dreams."

Stay tuned...

UPDATE: Joe Sebok is the chip leader. Gavin Smith down to 11k.

Forgive Me for Cheating, Says Jamie Gold

After getting bounced from Bodog's pro team, settling up his legal shenanigans with Crispin Leyser before he lost even more of his $12 million and repeatedly goose-egging it at major tournaments and on TV since the WSOP, we didn't think we'd hear much from Jamie Gold for awhile, which was pretty foolish for us to think since Gold is basically like a case of herpes, which the game of poker first contracted last August. Disappearing at times only to pop up every so often to remind us how bad it's gotten since those final days last summer.

And so like herpes, or that girl from the Lotto & Groceries store who keeps calling us saying one of us is her baby's daddy, there was Jamie Gold popping up again today, this time chatting it up in a New York Times article about his regrets from the World Series of Poker and how easy it was to settle the lawsuit with Leyser.

Card Player Out, Bluff Magazine In As Official Media Provider for 2007 WSOP?

As ThePokerBiz.com points out this morning, rumors are circulating that Card Player will not be the official magazine and content provider for the 2007 World Series of Poker, and based on what we've know from our sources, that rumor, like (almost) all rumors, is absolutely true.

In fact, if it isn't true, WCP co-founder Chops will shave his head live on RawVegas.tv.

Chops, you cool with that?

Of course, we're not surprised that the WSOP has sent Card Player to the rail, for the lack of a better poker metaphor. Players, fans, bloggers and even WSOP reps themselves repeatedly voiced their discontent to us about Card Player's lackluster coverage at the 2006 WSOP way before the final table even wrapped. We, on the other hand, thought otherwise of Card Player's performance, and repeatedly trumpeted their pulitzer-ish reporting of poker's biggest tournament with our series of Card Player's "Like You Were There" moments.

So what outlet will now be the official media provider for the 2007 WSOP? We're not saying, other than what's stated ever so cryptically in the headline of this post. For now, all we can say is that Chad Brown (photo at right) sure as hell looks a lot like Lorenzo Lamas (also photo at right) in the new issue of Bluff and that an official announcement is coming in early March.

For a look back at a few Card Player "Like You Were There" Moments, click the links below (one is a link to pics of Keeley Hazell..pick it and you win...pics of Keeley Hazell):

Link, Link, Link, Link, Link, Link

Peter "Nordberg" Feldman Wins Second WSOP-C Championship, Davidson Matthew Hates Us

Davidson Matthew continues to disappoint us.

The man (pictured right) with a last name for a first and a first for a last has been posting impressive results for a year now, with many near major tournament title misses.

Since falling just short of capturing last year's WPT Championship, won by Joe Bartholdi, we've been anxiously waiting Davidson Matthew to break through for his first win...so we could write an entire post backwards in his honor.

And Davidson Matthew has cock-teased us yet again, falling just short at the WSOP-C Rincon main event, this time losing out to two-time Circuit event winner, Peter "Nordberg" Feldman.

Feldman banks $280,859 for the win. Davidson takes home $147,369. Gavin Griffen placed third banking $86,865. Shane "Shaniac" Schleger took sixth for $43,343. And Gavin Smith finished seventh for $34,674.

Get full results and recap at Poker Pages.

*Pages Poker from Matthew Davidson of Image.

Jen Graham in a Wicked Chops Poker Tank Makes for a Good Post

Past Friday Night Parting Shot Girl and FOWCP Jen Graham (seen here prancing around in her Wicked Chops Poker tank and permanently seen on the right of this page in a bikini) is having the official Los Angeles screening for her film Dark World tonight. Graham, who is still currently a law student in Alabama and appeared in a short film with Mo Rocca this past summer, plays a teen-gone-missing named Grace in the film noir flick that may or may not be an Oscar contender come next year.

We unfortunately don't touch down in Los Angeles until early next week so we won't be able to meet up with Jen at her premiere, but if you're in town, stop on by and tell her we sent you. Details for the premiere tonight after the jump.

Harrah's Officially Dumps the Bodog Girls

Amy Calistri over at PokerNews.com and our new favorite read, ThePokerBiz.com, are both reporting this morning that Harrah's has confirmed its advertising policy for the 2007 World Series of Poker, and the un-surprising news is that they will not allow advertising by gaming dot coms who allow U.S. players or their dot net entities.

As ThePokerBiz.com points out, "Gone will be the Full Tilt Poker, Bodog Poker, and UltimateBet player lounges as well as the endless number of banners and posters that adorned the hallway at the Rio Hotel the last two years."

Surprisingly though, Gary Thompson, of the WSOP, did tell PokerNews.com that new procedures--to be announced next week--will "contain a new logo policy allowing players to wear apparel with dot.net logos as well as multiple and larger logos."

Translation: Bodog babes will no longer be allowed to pillow the hell out of poker players while parading around in their pajamas (at least they can't at the Rio), but they will be able to don Bodog-logoed girlie tanks while playing in WSOP events, which, if the attention Joanna Krupa got at the WSOP last year is any indication, may give gaming sites more bang for the buck. Or at the least, give us a reason to still bring our cameras along.

More photos than you'll ever need of Joanna Krupa playing poker here and here.

Photos of the Bodog Girls at the 2007 WSOP here. Girls from other sites here.

Completely unrelated photos of Eva Longoria looking stupidly hot in MAN magazine here.

There's a WSOP-C Event Going on in Rincon

Well, well, well. There's a WSOP-C Main Event going on at Harrah's Rincon, which sounds like an Asian man trying to say "Hooray Lincoln!"

The $5k buy-in fielded 181 players. They're down to nine.

Among the final table-ists are Peter "Nordberg" Feldman and Gavin Smith, who had a memorable meeting last year at the WSOP-C in New Orleans.

Feldman is the overall chip leader, with 444,000. He's followed by Gavin Griffin with 390,500. Erik Cajelais is third with 270,500. Shane Schlegler is sixth with 205,500. WCP fave Davidson Matthew, who has a last name for a first and a first for a last, is sixth with 119,500. Gavin Smith is seventh with 71,000. Bringing up the rear is Jerry Renfroe with 19,000. He might as well not even be there.

Also of note, Joe Sebok cashed, finishing 17th. Sebok also won a LAPC prelim event last week. Clearly, there's some good Prop Bets karma going around right now with Sebok and Smith's recent performances. Watch for a Heads Up interview with Sebok in the coming week.

Get full reports at Poker Pages. Forgot about those guys.

Full Tilt Poker Acquires Doyle's Room, Actively Processing Fund Transfers

In yet another step towards TOTAL GLOBAL DOMINATION, it's been reported that Full Tilt Poker has acquired Doyle's Room and is "...currently working with Doyle's Room on processing funds transfers."

Earlier this week, Doyle's Room announced it would no longer be accepting U.S. funds as Tribeca Tables would no longer allow new U.S. customers to play at its tables.

For the complete list of all (six) poker rooms still accepting U.S. customers, read Haley Hintze's article on Poker News. Or just read the following list: Poker Stars, Full Tilt, Bodog, Absolute, UB, and Poker.com.

Buck Swope, Gabe Kotter, Nadia and Bride of Chucky to Compete in National Heads-Up Poker Championship

After the jump, a full list of the poker players, actor/poker players and poker player/actors confirmed for the 3rd National Heads-Up Poker Championship at Caesars in Las Vegas, March 1-4 (sorry Chad Brown, couldn't find an acting pic of you, funny enough).

Danielle Lloyd Does Maxim UK, Still Doing Poker-er Teddy Sheringham

In a story that rivals the importance of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's defiance in the face of the UN's deadline for stopping uranium enrichment and the news about a 15-year-old girl who's been hiccuping for four weeks now, one of our favorite pageant girls gone wild, Danielle Lloyd, is on the cover of the new Maxim UK, the hotter, sluttier sister of the popular U.S. men's magazine.

You can view the absurdly hot pics of Miss Lloyd in Maxim UK over at GorillaMask.net, while supplies last (marginally NSFW, depending on your boss).

Lloyd, by the way, is back with her old fogie boyfriend Teddy Sheringham, a famous footballer and wannabe poker player, like herself, who you can play against over at online poker site VC Poker, unless of course you live in the U.S.

As a refresher, Danielle, who we featured lots of pics of last year when she was a Friday Night Parting Shot Girl, was dethroned as Miss Great Britain 2006 because she was (caught) shagging Teddy while he was "judging" the competition, and since then, she has appeared on Britain's "Celebrity Big Brother" program where she exposed herself as an ignorant bigot in comments she made about fellow housemate Shilpa Shetty, an Asian.

The fallout reportedly led to Teddy dumping Danielle, until we reminded him of the important life lesson he learned from the Miss Great Britain pageant: "It's better to bang a hot chick than to judge her."

Def Poker Tournament Promises to Be Off the Hook

Def people from all around Illinois and the surrounding areas are expected to "flop" it like it's hot this weekend in the area's first ever poker tournament just for def people. Held on February 25th at the Hanging Gardens Banquet center in River Grove, the Def Texas Hold'em poker tournament promises to be off the chain. First and second place finishers will receive travel packages and entry into this year's World Series of Poker.

We here at Wicked Chops Poker are very excited that organizations are finally holding tournaments exclusively for the dope, the phat, and the ballers of the world. Don't get us wrong, the average Joe middle-aged schlub is partly what makes poker so endearing to us, but we're all about exclusivity here, so a tournament just for the shot-callers of the world is loooooooong overdue.

Says the event's chairperson, "Our organization encourages deaf and hard of hearing individuals to communicate and interact in activities the same as hearing people."

Hold up, wait a minute. This tournament is for deaf people? What the? How in the...? Seriously? But...seriously?

OK then...well, nevermind. If you're interested in attending, drive around Illinois with your windows down and listen for what sounds like a convention of seals. Shouldn't be hard.

DoylesRoom.com Donezo in U.S.

"[DoylesRoom.com] will no longer be accepting US customers from hereon in," a rep from the poker site told Gambling911.com just now, after a bit of confusion today that had folks over at 2+2 chatting it up like high school cheerleaders at a slumber party, if middle aged online poker players obsessively posting on a message board was anything like that.

The news comes on the heels of Tribeca Tables poker network, which hosted DoylesRoom.com, announcing last week that it would no longer be allowing new U.S. customers to play at its poker sites and that all U.S. IPs would be banned effective February 28.

DoylesRoom.com is still trying to get its own network developed to replace Tribeca Tables, but even when it's up it won't take U.S. players.

"[T]he egaming bill is just too 'hot'," a 2+2 poster apparently was told by customer service at DoylesRoom.com.

UPDATE: DoylesRoom.com finally makes it official with an announcement regarding the above to its players. Check out PokerNews.com for the story.

UPDATE: DoylesRoom.com official press release after the jump...

BREAKING NEWS [Had We Reported It Three Days Ago]: Former NY Senator Alfonse D'Amato to Chair Poker Players Alliance

According to Poker Player Online, former New York Senator Alfonse D'Amato has been selected as new Chairman of the Poker Players Alliance.

However, as of three days ago when this story first sort of broke, no contract with D'Amato had been signed...yet.

Yet.

Says PPA prez Michael Bolcerek:  “There is no signed deal.”

Yet.

D'Amato, noted for his brash...dare we say..."typical New Yorker" style...was a three-term Senator from New York and was particularly known for his filibustering stamina. He holds claim to the second and seventh longest filibusters in U.S. Senate history. He also holds claim to being the only person in the world that Wicked Chops Poker would make the following joke: "You say Damaatoe, I say Damahtoe." It's true.

Friday Night Parting Shot: Keeley Hazell

An outlandishly hot, relatively unknown Romanian model who we've been digging for almost four years was going to be this week's Friday Night Parting Shot Girl, that was, until we came across a set of stupendously spectacular photos of Keeley Hazell we hadn't seen before. And when this happens you're reminded of what your priorities are and your plans change, like the time I was planning to head off to Saint-Tropez with my 19-year-old Swedish mistress named Katarina and then my current/first wife reminded me that I was married and didn't have a 19-year-old Swedish mistress. And then I reminded her she was just my current/first wife.

So the Romanian we'll just have to wait another day.

For now, pics of Keeley Hazell after the jump.

Will Tribeca's Pull Out Leave Doyle Brunson Hanging?

Gambling911.com reported yesterday that the recently acquired Tribeca Tables poker network, which hosts DoylesRoom.com, would no longer be allowing new U.S. customers to play at its poker sites, effective immediately, and that all U.S. IPs would be banned effective February 28, which our calendar reports is the last day of this month.

"While Tribeca announced a few months ago that they would no longer be allowing US customers at its poker rooms, those being served on the Tribeca network believed they had more time to find a new network," says the article.

Apparently the people behind the site run by innocent man Doyle Brunson have been working around the clock like Nike sweatshop workers to develop its own network, and it isn't certain whether after February 28 U.S. players, including Brunson, will be temporarily shut out of DoylesRoom.com or if the site will have its own software by then.

Ghostface Killah Launches Online Poker Site...Finally

It was March 2005. Chops, Snake, and the man who calls himself "the Addict," as well as the long-since-forgotten-about Tim Bangs were sitting around, talking about all things poker just days before the official launch of Wicked Chops Poker. It was a pleasant time. Poker wasn't even at the height of its boom. Children could safely play in the streets in any town in America without fear of abduction. No one locked their doors at night. No one had ever even heard of al-Qaeda yet.

As we sat there, we debated amongst ourselves, "Which member of the Wu-Tang Clan will open an online poker site first?"

It was heated.

The Addict threw his hat in the ring for ODB, not knowing that Dirt McGirt was already pushing daisies.

Chops thought it'd be RZA, since he was kind of the ringleader anyway. Snake disagreed, mostly cause he's an ex-lawyer and likes to disagree. And Tim Bangs...he didn't really have an opinion.

Then...like a ton of bricks...it hit us all. The answer was sooooooo obvious. So clear.

Ghostface Killah! Seriously, how could it NOT be?

So Darn Cute

If you missed Stuff spread starlet Shana Hiatt on the "Today Show" this morning, which we did because we're not stay-at-home moms, old fogies or unemployed do-nothings, you can view the entire interview on the NBC site here. The "Poker After Dark" host is such a cutie in the interview, like watching a video of a precious little kitty cat all nestled up next to a sweet puppy dog, if that was also somehow sexy, which it is, but just not as sexy as watching Shana.

Yesica Toscanini in the SI Swimsuit Issue Makes for a Good Post

Yesica Toscanini, the 20-year-old Argentinian model we first featured on Wicked Chops Poker last November as a Friday Night Parting Shot Girl, is in the 2007 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, which ironically has Beyonce on the cover, if "ironically" was an adverb that meant "what the fuck?"

To see Yesica's SI Swimsuit photos, go here.

For our feature on Yesica, with photos, go here.

And for a completely unrelated story about whiny little bitches on an airplane, go here.

Shana Hiatt In Stuff Magazine Spread

As we predicted, Shana Hiatt, the impossibly cute, ridiculously sexy host of NBC's "Poker After Dark" and the 2007 National Heads-Up Poker Championship, has stripped down to her next-to-nothings for the March 2007 issue of Stuff Magazine. The proud owner of a WCP girlie tank looks insanely hot in the photos, which has her donning black sheer and silk "underthings," for the lack of a less sexier word for panties.

You can view all of Shana's new Stuff photos here. This one is our fave. Neh, this one is. Wait, we like that one above.

Not enough Shana Hiatt for you?

You can catch her tomorrow on the "Today Show," which if you're reading this now it's likely tomorrow already so it's today. For those into dates and times, she'll be on the show Thursday, February 15, some time between 9:30 - 10:00 a.m. ET.

Update: Hiatt is not set to appear in Maxim, as was speculated. It would have been her first spread in the popular men's magazine, although she was named one of Maxim's Hot 100 in 2005. She also appeared in Stuff in 2003 (check out that spread here), was a Playboy cover girl in 1995 and did a 5-page spread in FHM Magazine in 2004.

A Word to Our Lady Readers About Valentine's Day

Ladies,

The Entities that comprise Wicked Chops Enterprises LLC are experts when it comes to that crazy little thing called "love", which we understand is a French word that translates roughly to "when a man bangs a woman senselessly until her eyes roll back in her head in exchange for having her do his laundry, clean his house and cook his dinner."

And based on our countless experiences with "love" over the years, we've learned that there are six and only six reasons the man in your life will do something special for you on the so-called official day of love, Valentine's Day.

(1) He's cheating on you;
(2) He's thinking about cheating on you and feels guilty about it;
(3) He doesn't really love you so much and thus needs a good reason to go out of his way to do something special for you one day a year;
(4) He hasn't gotten laid by you (or his mistress) in awhile and he's hoping tonight's the night;
(5) He wrongly thinks the Latin phrase "quid pro quo" translates to "a dozen roses for a blow job"; and/or
(6) He's a sappy little fuck.

See Bill Rini's Headline Re: Cashing Out at Tony G. Poker

Over the weekend, we got wind that Tony G., the former Lithuanian Rubik's cube champion and the mad man behind PokerNews.com, had cut off U.S. players from playing at TonyGPoker.com, the site the poker pro first launched in 2005 as his personal home on the Web and eventually became an online poker room last summer.

And while the news of a site shutting off U.S. players isn't news these days what is news is that U.S. players, without any advance heads-ups of the move, were left with no other option than to trust Tony G. by transfering all the money in their accounts directly over to Tony G.'s personal account on the site, then send an email to support at Tony G. Poker to tell them their player IDs over at either UltimateBet, FullTilt, or PokerStars so that Tony G. can transfer their money there.

Seriously.

Go read Tony G.'s blog on the shutdown and cashout process or read BillRini.com's post on the matter entitled Cashout From TonyG Poker = Send Your Money to TonyG, which is almost word for word the headline we were going to use, hence the headline we used.

It's worth noting that the comments to Tony G.'s blog entry suggest that the process has been rather slow for many players, as expected, but people do seem to be getting their money transferred, much like the opposite of Neteller.

Lacey Jones Kicked Our Asses

If you happened to read Lacey Jones' blog today, then you know that she met up with Snake, the Addict and Chops, along with a few of the RawVegast.tv crew (Newby and Michael Friedman), at the Venetian for the 8pm tournament last Friday, and in an achievement that rivals that of Amelia Earhart's flight across the Atlantic, Madame Curie's discovery of polonium and Keeley Hazell's becoming a national institution solely because of her gargantuan boobs, the Absolute Poker hottie, a woman, outlasted all five of us (as well as some guy who earned the name "Lady Hater") to finish 7th in the tournament. Sure our minds were on the forthcoming multi-session orgy with the pageant girls, et al, but still impressive work Ms. Jones. Impressive stuff.

Read/see more about Lacey in our Heads-Up interview with her.

Keeley Hazell to Get a Wax Job

Keeley Hazell, the 20-year-old, "Page 3" model most famous for her mammoth mammalian protruberances (marginally NSFW link) and most recently for her homemade video of her mouthing the manhood of Mr. Miller, may be immortalized at London's Madame Tussauds. The cheesy-as-can-be museum announced over the weekend that they're considering a topless waxwork of the Official Wicked Chops Poker Girl of 2006 because "Page 3 is a national institution and she is the most famous Page 3 girl at the moment," which is Brit talk for "this is the closest you're ever going to see Keeley Hazell topless in person, even though it's wax and will look kind of creepy."

If you're curious what making a wax sculpture out of Keeley Hazell may look like, these photos of Keeley Hazell being bronzed give you an idea, among other things.

If you're curious of what the Official Wicked Chops Poker Girl of 2007 looks like, this post will give you an idea, in case you missed it the first time.

Thanks to Grumbledook for the tip.

Some Seriously Serious Stuff on the Spurious Story of Doyle's Supposed Arrest

Some new guy named "Staff" over at the poker blog Up For Poker just posted a seriously serious commentary on the rise and fall of the Doyle Brunson arrest rumor, entitled Deconstructing Doyle. It's a fair and very smart read, even if it does indirectly point a finger at us because we're SEO whores here at Wicked Chops Poker. Seriously. We're total sluts.

Our only response to the post by this so-called "Staff" guy is that if he's going to alliterate in a headline we think he should go for the gusto with something alliteratively absurd like "Deconstructing the Dish on Doyle's Dubitable Detention" rather than just a two-word pairing that, while alliterative, falls short of encompassing the full breadth and depth of the topic at hand.

Just saying.

Now go read Up for Poker.

Doyle Brunson Not Arrested, Says Gambling911.com

Gambling911.com is confirming that Doyle Brunson was NOT arrested. The no-holds-barred online gambling news site that occasionally makes Wicked Chops Poker look like a site run by Puritans, if Puritans were into half-dress pics of Keeley Hazell, said that Doyle's nurse checked on the poker legend in his Texas home this afternoon and found him there, completely unaware of the rumors of his arrest.

In related news, an amazingly hot girl who happens to share the same name as the mediocre-ly hot Christina Aguilera, but no way can be the same girl because this girl is amazingly hot, did a spread in MAXIM that you should check out here, as a way of celebrating Doyle's non-arrest.

Poker Politics: Obama's a Card Tosser and D'Amato's a Poker Lobbyist

Waking up from our orgy of orgies in Las Vegas on Saturday morning, we came across an interesting article in the London Telegraph that detailed, for the lack of a better word, Barack Obama's background as a poker player, with anecdotes from past acquaintenances about his playing style. Apparently the 45-year-old presidential candidate was a regular in a weekly poker game when he was a young state politician in Illinois.

"He had the stone face," Senator Terry Links told the Telegraph. "He didn't stay in hands if he didn't think he had a chance of winning."

"Barack wasn't one of those foolish gamblers who just thought all of a sudden that card in the middle was going to show up mysteriously. He's as competitive in politics as he is in poker. It's not like he's going to go into something without a course of action mapped out."

Ah, the forced poker metaphor, gotta love it.

Gambling911.com Calls BS on Rumors of Brunson Bust

If there's another thing we know, all rumors are true unless the rumor is not reported by Gambling911.com, which in that case it may or not be true but more likely it is not than it is, and so when we did not see Gambling911.com reporting on the rumor of Doyle Bruson's arrest, we were left trying to figure out the logic of what we just said.

Well now, the online gambling news site famous for breaking stories and throwing Super Bowl parties in which its reporters get naked and make out with other chicks is calling rumors of Doyle's arrest "a lot of hooey."

According to a spokesperson for DoylesRoom.com who talked to Gambling911.com, "As far as we know, Doyle is at home sleeping in his bed. Don't quote me on any of that but we have someone going over to his house to check on him."

Read the rest of the story over at Gambling911.com.

Photo above of Doyle Brunson, Jenny Woo and some hot chicks courtesy of Gambling911.com.

Rumor: Doyle Brunson Arrested

Doyle Brunson, the 73-year-old poker legend and the man behind online poker site DoylesRoom.com, has been arrested, according to rumors, which if there's one thing we know for certain is that all rumors are true. Whether Brunson was possiby nabbed as part of the Feds ongoing online gaming witch hunt or it's connected to the SEC investigation regarding his unsolicited offer to buy the WPTE back in 2005 or he was busted for jaywalking, or we suppose in his case, jay-scootering, we haven't a clue.

We first came across the rumor over at NeverwinPoker, which someone posted a link in their forum to this forum. We then checked PokerNews.com, which doesn't even mention Doyle's name, and while we were reading that, the addict called over and said Tao of Poker had a bunch of links. Crap, even .Wikipedia has the rumor, so it's got to be true.

Go get you're read on at the links above and stay tuned for the latest here at Wicked Chops Poker.

Photo above is a Wicked Chops Poker shot of Doyle Brunson after he busted out of the 2006 WSOP Main Event.

Dutch Dykes, Dope, Doutzen and Dpoker

A week-end editorial from Beans

All "fingers in dykes" jokes aside, why do the Dutch have the coolest government ever? Adding to the already impressive list of things that Holland has that the US does not, like the red light district, "coffee shops", the Heineken brewery, and past FNPSG Doutzen Kroes (photo at right and after the jump), the Dutch will now be able to gamble online with the blessing, and regulation, of their government. The new state-sponsored site will be run by Holland Casino with software provided by CryptoLogic and is expected to open in June 2007.

The Dutch government has always subscribed to the "people are going to do it anyway, why not regulate it, make some money, and keep it safe all at the same time" logic, and they are now applying the same to online gaming. Lewis Rose, President and CEO of CryptoLogic, points out that they now "have an excellent template for other governments interested in realizing the benefits of safe, secure and regulated Internet gaming."

Anna Nicole Smith Checks Out of Seminole Hard Rock Casino Life

Just days ago a child named Qualeem was born on the floor of an Atlantic City casino while his mom, 8 months pregnant at the time, was playing the penny slots. Now, days later, Anna Nicole Smith collapses at the Seminole Hard Rock Cafe Casino near Miami, is rushed to a hospital and never regains consciousness, which is a long about way of saying she died.

The cycle of life is amazing sometimes, and this is a perfect example of, not that, but of two moms we're glad didn't give birth to us.

For the AP story about Anna Nicole Smith's passing, go here.

For the WWTDD.com version, go here.

First Look at the OWCPG of 2007

The Entities are all in Las Vegas at the moment for the official selection of the Official Wicked Chops Poker Girl of 2007, as well as our scheduled Friday night multi-session orgy with a bevy of gak-lovin' pageant girls, poodle-juggling midgets and our Mexican street flyer boy posse in the Erotic Suite at the Palms, among other things. You'll soon hear all about it when we publish our epic four-part, nine-post, 97-paragraph thriller on the bedlam that is sure to ensue.

Until then, though, we wanted to give readers a glimpse of our selection for the Official Wicked Chops Poker Girl of 2007. This is all you're going to get for now. We will tell you that, like Keeley Hazell, she ain't no American, which really means she is, but she isn't. She's also heavenly blessed like Keeley, although a letter perhaps closer to the top of the alphabet than the 32EE Brit. Her name also alliterates like Keeley's does not and she's the same age now as Keeley was last year which if you do the math means she's a lot younger than you.

We'd give a WCP t-shirt to the first person to post her name but shit, you sucked so bad the last time we played this game you don't deserve it, and we say that with love in our hearts for you.

Breaking News: Jamie Gold and Crispin Leyser Settle Lawsuit

Every time we say it's a slow news day something big happens.

The Associated Press is reporting that Jamie Gold and "Bruce" Crispin Leyser have settled their lawsuit.

In a joint, signed statement, the parties said:

"Jamie always intended on sharing his winnings with Crispin . . . Jamie and Crispin are happy to report they have fully settled this matter. They are pleased to be closing this chapter and look forward to continued success."

Gold allegedly promised Leyser half of his winnings for helping him land a few celebs to rep Bodog during the 2006 WSOP Main Event. Then unfortunately for Gold, he had to live up to his end of the bargain after winning the $12M first place prize.

While Gold was arranging payment of the funds, Leyser pushed the panic button and sued Gold for half the winnings.

The rest will go down as a really ugly chapter in poker's history.

We'll keep you posted on developments as they come. However, we'll set the line on what Leyser will receive at +/- $4.2M.

Because It's a Slow News Day: A Link to Girls Posing Pruriently

We're not going to say it's a slow poker news day, because we just did, and plus poker news is sometimes best left to others to dish up for you, just like pics of girls in lingerie doing Kama Sutra poses is best left to FHM.com to dish up, wich they did and you can see all the wholesomeness, when you get home from your day job, HERE.

Thanks to GorillaMask.net for the link.

Calvin Ayre is a Blogger

Calvin Ayre, the billionaire gaming and entertainment mogul and step-brother of Cooter Ayre, has just entered the fray of CEOs with blogs, launching Ayre Waves on January 31, 2007.

On the scope of his blog, Ayre says, "In this space, you will find my thoughts on a wide range of topics related to the endeavors of Bodog.com Entertainment, as well as the ongoing initiatives of the Calvin Ayre Foundation."

While we're not ones to tell people what we "think" as much as we are ones to tell people what we "really think," we won't say much about Calvin's blog right now as its just one-post new but we will suggest that he use his blog in the same way blogging maverick/CEO Mark Cuban uses his blog, by speaking freely, with total candor as he gives us greater insight into the man in charge as well as sharing his perspectives on important issues that affect his industry and beyond; and less about pitching Bodog ventures.

Or maybe just post lots of pictures of Bodog Girls parading around his Antigua compound in next-to-nothing swimwear.

Also Calvin, be sure to check out marketing guru Seth Godin's post on Blogging while CEO-ing as well as click through to some of the other articles on the matter below his post.

For the Top 10 CEO blogs according to Mario Sundar of Marketing Nirvana, look here.

Finally, for some stupidly rich, insanely handsome, pathetically well-endowed and all-around sleezy dudes who get thousands of hits to their site every day from people looking for naked pics of Keeley Hazell, check out this blog. It's our fave.

The TOKE: A Bunch of Stuff We Really Don't Care About

:: The Asian Poker Classic confuses us Entities. Maybe it's just us, but it seems like there should be some general parameters for an event to be considered a "classic." 1) It's been held more than once, and 2) it's been held more than once. The Asian Poker Classic...which by the way is in India...and while we're no anthropologists, Indians and Asians don't exactly look or smell a lot alike...just announced they will be the richest poker tournament in Asia. Given how new the whole tournament poker scene is there, this is kind of like announcing you're the prettiest girl in Maza, ND. PR Newswire

:: WSOP offering live satellites in really shitty cities. Since God hates poker and we're no longer allowed to qualify for the WSOP Main Event online, WSOP officials have stepped up to the plate and are now offering live satellite in rinky-dink casinos in Michigan and Minnesota. You can also qualify in satellites at the WSOP-C event in Council Bluffs, IA next week. Although that means you'll have to spend a day in Council Bluffs, IA. Translated: not worth it. Poker Player

:: More poker criminals in Saipan. Three men...one armed with a hand-gun...one with a machete...and one unarmed...walk into a poker arcade in Saipan and steal $12,000 in cash. A patron asks to the unarmed one, "Why are you unarmed?" To which he replies, "I lost them in the Battle of Saipan in 1944." Ok, only the first part of this paragraph was true. The rest is just really bad Saipanese humor. Not our fault. They just don't raise 'em very funny over there. Saipan Tribune

Curious Question of the Day

What's worse?

Being born on the floor of the Resorts Casino in still-a-shit-hole Atlantic City, or knowing your mom was playing penny slots while 8 months pregnant and thought you were just gas.

Also, today's Jamie Gold's "Monkey Fucking a Football" PR Award goes to Steve Callender, VP of operations at Resorts Casino, who told the media, "We've had people die here, but we've never had people born here."

Story here and here.

Guess What We Were Thinking, Win a Wicked Chops Poker T-Shirt

The entities of Wicked Chops Poker who aren't in Vegas right now, but will be next week, just watched today's RawVegas Daily starring the official voice/face/body of Vegas, Denise Pernula, and a single word immediately came to mind.

One word. Immediately.

First person to post a comment with the correct word AND (because that's too easy) list the first names of all three girls after the jump wearing a WCP girlie tank, wins a WCP t-shirt.

(click on image above to go to the RawVegas Daily video)

(pics of girls in WCP tanks after the jump)

UPDATE: The link to the video is correct now.

"Brandi Hawbaker" Getting Her Freak On Over at NeverwinPoker Forum

Flame tosser, ex-beauty pageant-er, amateur poker player Brandi Hawbaker, who it's worth noting is about a 6.9 in the looks department (for the lack of a better number), an absolute perfect 10 in the nipples that you could cut glass with/hang your coat on department and off the freakin' charts in the freaky ass chicks department (which is what makes her most bangable, to us), may or may not be posting lasciviously graphic comments over at the NeverwinPoker forum about wanting to porno-ficate like an ecstasy-soused banshee with none other than Brian "King of All Degenerates" Micon.

Yes, that Brian Micon.

Whether or not it is actually Brandi (Witteles says so and Neverwin vouches), we don't know/care, and if it is, whether or not it's just her/them getting her/their rocks off, we don't know/care. Regardless, it's some entertaining reading, at times, and as a bonus, offers some new NSFW pics of Brandi, if you're digging her.

To get started, begin with the first "Brandi" post down at the bottom of this page, and proceed from there.

Thanks to Kid "Pornster" Dynamite for the tip.

Bill Gates, a Poker Player, Launches OS with Texas Hold'em Game

Bill "Chalengr" Gates, a longtime poker-er and contract bridge player who ironically isn't 85 years old considering he's a contract bridge player, has given users of Microsoft's top dollar version of Windows Vista (that comes inside that hot black box you see in the pic) a non-multiplayer-capable Texas Hold'em Poker game not ironically called Windows Texas Hold'em Poker.

For the skin-diddy (yeh we just said skin-diddy) on Windows Texas Hold'em Poker, read what Paul Thurrott has to say about it, because he knows his shit like Nikki Ziering knows her sole purpose in life is to do photo spreads wearing a bikini.

For a screen shot of what the interface looks like, courtesy of our awesome buddies at GeekZone.com (great LAN party last weekend fellas, next time we'll rock out to Warcraft III and Weird Al til the early morning, unless we have to work the a.m. at Best Buy), after the jump.

Oh, and if you're curious to know what the difference between a "geek" (i.e. Bill Gates) and "a nerd" (i.e. Bill Gates) is and/or just like watching Denise Pernula on video like we do, check out her segment on the subject over at RawVegas.tv.

Tara Conner Lets Go of the Yeyo

If you didn't know, we have a "thing" for pageant chicks . . . well, at least the ones who think the word "morals" is fancy talk for "shagging judges, posing for Playboy, lip-sticking it to other chicks and slutting it out in clubs."

And no pageant chick exemplifies everything we dig about them more than Miss USA Tara Conner (seen here doing the look-from-behind and in the pics after the jump). Yes, Conner, who heroically turned down an interview with Oprah, is moving one step closer every day to being crowned the OWCPG of 2007, contingent primarily on her regularly posing pruriently in magazines that we only read for the articles.

As you may have heard, Tara Conner recently admitted to using cocaine, a powdery diet and energy supplement popular with pageant chicks, supermodels, former mayors, TV stars and midgets, and although some people are hating on Tara for this, including former Miss USA-ers and some mouthy, narcissistic blonde on YouTube, please don't think for one minute that being a yeyo junkie tarnishes Tara's stature in any way, to us. Because it's hard work being a pageant chick, and it's especially tough staying thin and "on" all the time, and we all occasionally need a little boost, whether it be from caffeine, a little sugar, a few lines of "gutter glitter" or a liquid soused with chemicals from the bull cock of sea animals.

All of this, by the way, reminds us of the time, just a few days ago, that someone told us that they were told by someone else who was told by another someone who was at JET in the Mirage the other night that someone who is the former Miss Nevada was lining up a few gakkers herself in the bathroom. Of course, we have no idea if this is true, and we really can't say and really don't care. But if it is, we'll just chalk it up to her trying to burn a few calories after kobayashi-ing the other kind of cake earlier in the night (as seen in the pic - click to enlarge).

Go ahead and burn a few calories yourself, to pics of Miss USA Tara Conner after the jump...