Phil Ivey Does Not Win the WPT Mirage Poker Showdown

Ok, you'd think that if you've made seven short-handed final tables, and you're the best poker player in the world, that just by dumb luck you'd have won one of them by now, right?

Guess not. Going into final table play of the WPT Mirage Poker Showdown as the chip leader, Phil Ivey busted out in fifth place, banking $129,684, or as Phil likes to call it, "butt-wiping money."

Going out first was Burt from Sesame Street. Burt busted on the second hand of final table play. Burt banks $100,865 for his efforts.

Also not winning this tournament was Day 2 + 3 chip leader Darrell "Gigabet" "Deep" Dicken. He went out in third and collected $259,369.

Well at least did the fantastically name-alliterated Cory Carroll win? Nope. Second. $561,369.

That leaves us with Richard Kirsch and Jonathan Little. And rather than struggle for a few minutes to come up with some sort of snarky comment on each, like how dudes whose names are Jon but insist on going by Jonathan bug the hell out of us, we'll just say that Jonathan Little won this thing, taking home $1,066,295 and his first WPT title.

In more entertaining, watch UFC fighter Forrest Griffen kick this guy in the leg: