A Canadian with Name We Can Pronounce Wins EPT German Open

We'll keep this short.

Michael McDonald, an 18-year-old ice farmer or beaver hunter or Nickelback fan club president or something like that from Canada, won the EPT German Open in Dortmund, Germany. For the win, he takes home €933,600, or about $1.39 million.

McDonald, who goes by the name "Timex" online, is the youngest winner in EPT history.

For more on McDonald's historic win, check out the wrap-up piece by PokerListings' Owen Laukannen here. It's hot.

Payouts for the players at the final table without using those weird European punctuation marks over certain letters in people's names below:

1st - Mike McDonald – Canada €933,600
2nd - Andreas Gulunay – Germany €528,500
3rd -- Torsten Haase – Germany €307,000
4th - Diego Perez – Spain €234,200
5th - Claudio Rinaldi – Switzerland - €193,000
6th - Johannes Strassmann – Germany - €152,000
7th - Thibaut Durand – France - €120,200
8th - Christian Harder – US – €85,500

Oh yeh, that's Denise Milani in the photo. She's from Czech Republic, which is next to Germany. She has natural 34DDDs and nothing to do with this post.

Comments

[Canada Jake]

Dear Wicked Douchechops,

We here in Canada have a lot more going on than our lucrative ice-farming and beaver hunting operations.

Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called maple syrup? Huh?

Douches.

Now if you'll excuse me I have Nickleback fan club meeting to attend.