Hey, You're Not Too Bad Yourself...

"Yeah Michele, those Entities are some sexy pigs..."

Our favorite poker cougar Michele Lewis debuted her first Girl on Girl column in the latest Bluff Magazine. The interviewee: poker hottie Erica Schoenberg.

The topic of Wicked Chops Poker came up in one of the questions. The copy and pasting of that is seen below:

ML:  You get a lot of coverage, specifically from Wicked Chops Poker... are you flattered by their coverage or do you think they’re just a bunch of sexist pigs? 

ES:  Well, I don’t think you can deny that much of what they write is sexist, but I still think it’s pretty hilarious.  I mostly find it flattering and amusing whenever they mention me!  You know you’ve arrived when Wicked Chops talks about you…

Wait wait wait. "sexist pigs" or "sexy pigs?" Clearly Matt Parvis and Lance Bradley missed that in the editing process. Michele, turn your articles in sooner so they have time to catch such errors, ok? 

Caption This

Erica Schoenberg Is a Pitbull With Lipstick

Erica Schoenberg somehow managed to get hotter and did it without surgery.

See, if there's one thing we're a sucker for in a girl it's big boobs morally casual attitude being a cougar swallowing smarts being a mute a good healthy smart-ass attitude. Schoenberg showed us she was capable of it with her fashion tips article. And now she scores some hits in her latest blog.

The basic gist is Erica caught some over-the-top slandering of her fiance David Benyamine in his Rail Heaven table on Full Tilt Poker.

The dude taking shots at Mr. B (as she calls him) she says was "Pyrinnaid." Schoenberg comes out swinging, calling Pyrinnaid the "typical NL ass-clown" (i.e. doesn't play any other games) and that he probably:

"...started playing [poker] in high school or college, probably after discovering poker through his Magic the Gathering friends."

She goes on to say how young, arrogant kids like him make a big splash, talk shit, then go broke (often to guys like Benyamine).

Read the full post here. She unnecessarily posted another blog today making sure everyone knew she wasn't talking about all young online players. No need for that. Take your pwning and walk away. But regardless, read that here.

UPDATES: Poker Listings has a good follow-up on David Benyamine and Jay "pr1nnyraid" Rosenkrantz here. And thanks to reader Jim for the link to pr1nnyraid's blog here.

Erica Schoenberg's Top 10 Fashion Mistakes Men Make at the Poker Table

Congrats guys! You made Erica's Top 10 Fashion Mistakes Men Make at the Poker Table List.

We're not ones to talk fashion here at Wicked Chops Poker but ridiculously gorgeous poker pro Erica Schoenberg was kind enough to share exclusively with us her top 10 fashion mistakes men make at the poker table, and as a public service to our readers who may have the fashion sensibilities of a Todd Brunson, or who went to the University of Florida, we thought we'd pass 'em on.

So what makes Erica an expert on the subject? Let's just say the girl knows fashion like her boyfriend David Benyamine knows his way around whatever the French word is for buffet. Whether she's out on the town in Las Vegas or seated amongst schlubs at the poker table, Erica is oozing with style, perhaps more than any other girl in poker. Except for maybe Lynette Chan. Hard to top Lynette Chan.

So, here are Erica Schoenberg's Top Ten Fashion Mistakes Men Make at the Poker Table:

10. When a man wears Birkenstocks or other “mandals” it’s generally a fashion don’t. The reason being most men don’t get regular pedicures or take good care of their feet; therefore they are just exposing gnarly, hairy and often crusty heels and toes. Ewwwwww.

9. Spandex. Unless you are in the Tour de France there is never a reason for this material to ever touch a man’s body.

8. Jeans that are either way too big or painfully too tight. Can’t you guys find a happy medium between wanna be rapper and “I got these jeans really tight so you could see my package”???

7. Denim shorts. NEVER. EVER.

6. This seems fairly obvious, but I do tend to see this amazingly bad look on older gentlemen – black socks and white tennis shoes. I usually just assume that the offender’s wife has just given up by this point.

Erica Schoenberg is Somewhere in this Photo

Our photog sent us the photo above claiming it shows Full Tilt Poker pro Erica Schoenberg playing in Event No. 2 - $1500 No-Limit Hold'em, at the 2008 WSOP.

We'll take his word for it but we have to say we had an easier time spotting Erica in this photo from last year's WSOP.

Or even this photo of her losing (her top) while playing strip poker.

Relatedly, someone please turn the damn air conditioning up in the Amazon Room.

Vanessa Selbst, a Woman, Wins WPT Ladies Event at Commerce; Jose Canseco a No Show

On a day that sees a woman looking to all but clinch her party's nomination and make a run at the White House, we're pleased to announce that a woman has won the World Poker Tour Ladies event at the LA Poker Classic, the second tournament in the newly formed WPTL series.

You go women! Go.

Make us dinner.

The winner was none other than Vanessa Selbst, the Martina Navratilova of poker, if you know what we mean. Selbst is best known for handsoming up the final table of the WSOP Ladies Only event last summer and for making a couple of other WSOP final tables.

Selbst takes home $26,500 for winning the $1,000 buy-in event that according to CardPlayer cutie Kristy Arnett attracted 82 women and zero ex juiced up baseball players named Jose Canseco.

Winning in the looks department by an overwhelming margin but coming in second in the WPTL event was Full Tilt Poker's Erica Schoenberg, who is seen somewhere in that photo above and closer up in the photos after the jump.

In related news, Pokerati's California Jen is reporting that the California Burea of Gaming Control has declared ladies only poker tournaments discriminatory and that they must now allow men to compete and remove the word "only" from advertisements. For a good read and entertaining comments, check out Jen's post on attending the WSOP Academy Ladies Only poker camp this past January.

WPT's Kimberly Lansing is Fun to Watch

We're not huge fans of the World Poker Tour's Steve Lipscomb but one thing the capitalistic commie lover got right lately was hiring pretty girl poker host Kimberly Lansing to do the WPT's online video reporting. Lansing, a USC grad who also does reporting for People Magazine and Hollywood.com, has been doing the WPT gig ever since Season VI got underway and has done so surprisingly without much fan fare. Looking at her WPT page on YouTube, her videos on average get just about 100 or so views which is about 14,533 less views than a video of paint drying.

This is strange since Lansing is way hotter to watch on video than paint drying.

For a sample of Lansing's engagingly goofy and charmingly cute approach to poker coverage, watch her latest video from the WPT Legends of Poker here.

Also worth the watch is Lansing's interview with the poker princess of narcissism Brandi Hawbaker, a must view for any would-be creepy stalker who wants to know where Hawbaker is living now in LA. Finally after the jump, our favorite Lansing videos so far, one with Erica Schoenberg and the other with Layla Kayleigh.

Katie Rees is Now Too Old For Us

Katie Rees, a past-FNPG and perhaps our favorite of the super hot dethroned pageant chicks, is celebrating her birthday this Sunday at Bare, the topless pool lounge at the Mirage that famously banned one of us entities after a freak accident, and it was an accident, involving a pool toypedo.

While we're not surprised that Miss Rees (in pic at right playing poker) would celebrate her birthday in nothing but basically her birthday suit, we are surprised to learn she's turning 23. Because damn that's old. Can't these girls stay young and morally loose forever? Next thing you know she's going to get all wise and stuff and stop getting naked in public and kissing random girls. Then what? Marriage? Kids? Ugly, old, baggy t-shirts from some team building exercise?

Anyway, if you can't get into Katie Rees' birthday party this Sunday at Bare, then get in touch with your inner Yang and help others who are less fortunate than you by playing poker with the likes of Erica Schoenberg and Evelyn Ng at the Las Vegas Jewish Community Center (JCC) Charity Poker Tournament. For more details on this event held at The Palms, go here.

Erica Schoenberg, a Woman, Does Not Win Event #38

Strip pokering, mail opening Erica Schoenberg, a woman, just missed her first WSOP bracelet, finishing third in Event #38 ($1,500 NLH) and banking $261,646.

Robert Cheung took the bracelet, earning $673,628.

Erica Schoenberg, a Woman, Leads Event #38 With Only Six Remaining

With only six players remaining, Erica Schoenberg, a woman (pictured below in a dream we had last night strip poker video she did with Carmen Elektra), is chip leader at the Event #38 ($1,500 NLH) final table.

If Schoenberg, who is a woman and is nice to look at, were to hold on like Wilson Phillips and win this tournament, she'd not only be the most attractive woman to ever capture a bracelet, but she may also force the Entities who comprise Wicked Chops Poker to rethink some things. Examine our world view in a different light. Look at people in a different way.

For example, maybe we will stop referring to Starbucks baristas as "peons" and hotel check-in reps as "losers with badges."

Or maybe not. In fact, we're not even sure how these things relate. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, Erica Schoenberg is hot.

Erica Schoenberg, a Woman, Eliminates Dr. Pauly From Event #38

Famed and acclaimed poker blogger Paul "Dr. Pauly" McGuire was just eliminated from Event #38 ($1,500) at the 2007 WSOP by Erica Schoenberg, a woman (seen somewhere in that photo to the left).

Pauly was knocked out (by a woman) in 119th place. Before being knocked out by a woman, Pauly outlasted over 2,300 runners, banking $4,740. An impressive as hell run...halted...by a woman.

Regardless, congrats Pauly.

In other Event #38 news, Justin Henry is still alive and kicking, like that song, from the '80's.

Erica Schoenberg is Nice to Look At (Part II)

Below is Wicked Chops Poker's new favorite photo of Erica Schoenberg at the 2007 WSOP. More happiness after the jump.

Erica Schoenberg is Nice to Look At

Sure, we could direct you to the NeverWinPoker thread or 2+2 thread that show screen grabs of Erica Schoenberg dropping the top on Carmen Electra's Strip Poker DVD, but that wouldn't be right. Unlike the Brandi Hawbakers and Chantel McNultys of the poker world, Erica's a classy girl. She's a sweet, small-town Midwesterner who won math competitions as a youngster, played volleyball competitively and had the courage to head off to Hollywood to pursue a career in acting and modeling. She's bright, poised and is certainly in no way superficial as evidenced by her faithful devotion to her much, much older and much, much rounder poker playing fiance, David Benyamine.

And while we're aware that most of what we just said sounds like the bio of the average porn star, Erica's far from the average porn star. She's a soft core porn star, if a porn star at all. Not that we think of her as a soft core porn star but if we did, she'd be the crème de la crème of soft core porn stars, the kind of porn star you'd be fine with dating 'cause she wasn't the penis receptacle kind of porn star but the . . . crap, what was the point we were making . . . oh yeah, the point is that whether Erica's appearance in the Strip Poker DVD was a regrettable act of naive ambition in the hopes of making it big in Hollywood or, paraphrasing Shaniac on 2 + 2, something she's probably proud of having participated in, we're not sure. What we do know is Erica Schoenberg is really nice to look at as evidence by the Wicked Chops Poker photos after the jump from yesterday's $1,000 Rebuy NLHE event at the 2007 WSOP.

Erica Schoenberg Opens David Benyamine's Mail

The headline for this post should probably be "Erica Schoenberg and David Benyamine Are Getting Married" but after watching the PokerWire.com video of Ms. Allen and The Belly, the news of their pending nuptials didn't quite jump out at us like the news that she regularly opens his mail. We don't want to go into detail on why this is a bad idea, at least for us, just in case our current/first wives find out about this so-called "Internet" thing and discover our site, but let's just say there's a warning sign here for David and it rhymes with "rosy ditch."

We Thought You Were Kidding!

Veronica Corningstone: 'I told you that I wanted to be an anchor. I told you that.'
Ron Burgundy: "I thought you were kidding! I thought it was a joke, I even wrote it down in my diary. 'Veronica had a very funny joke today.' I laughed at it later that night!"

After hearing that Erica "Allen" Schoenberg (at right) defeated Anna Wroblewski heads-up to win a $2,500 NLH prelim event at the Mandalay Bay Poker Championship, we didn't believe it. Couldn't happen. Two women competing for a title in a non-WPT-Ladies-Night event? Impossible.

Then, we checked out Poker Pages again this morning, figuring they'd fix the error. However, much to our dismay, the results remained the same. Then we called the Mandalay Bay poker room and said, "Excuse us. We found the most hilarious practical joke the other day on Poker Pages. It said that Erica Schoenberg, a woman, beat Anna Wroblewski, a woman, heads-up to win a poker tournament. A NON women's only poker tournament. Are we being PUNK'D?"

When they informed us we weren't being PUNK'D, we then proceeded to rip our houses apart, trying to find what was surely a hidden camera somewhere. "Wow, Kutcher is really getting us this time. He's taking this joke far. Too far."

About $980,000 in what will now be home renovations later, we still weren't convinced. Then, we looked out the window and saw Jesus himself riding a white horse with a sword in hand from the sky, and immediately thought three things: 1) Wow, looks like Erica did defeat Anna heads-up for a poker title, 2) we better write this post quick, and 3) too bad we never got to see Erica's strip poker DVD with Carmen Elektra.

Nice knowing you. All of you. Except YCO, maybe.

Erica Schoenberg Loves David Benyamine For His Body and Other EPT Grand Final News

By the time we could turn the yacht around and make our way back to Monte Carlo for the EPT Grand Final, the tournament would be over, so we're stuck getting reports over the so-called "Internet", which isn't so bad considering the superb coverage the folks over at PokerNews.com and PokerListings.com are doing.  Of note, Owen Laukkanen and the PokerListings gang are all over the action at the tables like Jenna Jameson's plastic surgeon on her pink parts, except they're not botching the job. Check out their live updates here where you can read about how Atlanta's Josh Arieh and Chad Brown/Lorenzo Lamas are repping the U.S. well as they sit atop the leaderboard on Day 2, and check out Owen's daily blogs on the EPT here. Pauly and his fellow PokerNewsers meanwhile are doing a great and entertaining job of tracking the action and shooting video at the EPT Grand Final. Check their day two updates here (especially the Arieh "Billy Madison" bit) and be sure to head over to Tao of Poker to see the Monte Carlo version of a table-side masseuse. Damn.

After the jump, video evidence, courtesy of PokerNews, that Erica Schoenberg only likes David Benyamine for his amazing body and youthful exuberance.

MANSION Poker Signs Erica Schoenberg's Boyfriend

MANSION Poker, which once famously pissed the hell out of Full Tilt Poker with a press release, announced via a press release this week that it has signed French poker ace David Benyamine, who's famously envied for being the lovah of fellow MANSION-er, Erica Schoenberg, who is famously hot, and that he'll start repping the site starting November 24 at the Caribbean Poker Classic in St. Kitts, which we hear is in the Caribbean.

Commenting on his signing with MANSION, the two time WPT winner and seemingly the most regular regular of "The Big Game" (seriously when is he not there?) said, "I am enthusiastic about working with a gaming company that is driven to emerge as a leader in the high roller market for both online and land-based events, and I look forward to sharing the MANSION Poker experience with the best players in the world."

The MANSION press release, by the way, says Benyamine's age is 34, which must be in French years. Like kilograms to our pounds. So if a French person is 34 they're really like 43.8 years old in American, which is what we'd guess David's age was if we had to. Not that we're experts at telling a person's age, truth be told. Actually we suck at it and we'll tell you a story about it but we have to check the statute of limitations first.

Ok, nevermind with the story.

You can learn more about David Benyamine by reading his cover feature in this week's CardPlayer or by becoming his friend.

So-so photos of Erica Schoenberg from this year's WSOP after the jump, courtesy of our friends over at Wicked Chops Poker.

JJ Liu--A Woman--Wins WPT Ladies Night IV

Somehow, between news on the Richard Lee raid, the Leyser affidavit, Calvin Ayre's assistant's arrest for trumped up "espionage" charges, Jamie Gold's request to move his case to federal court, we let possibly the biggest story of the week slip past us: JJ Liu--a woman--won the WPT Ladies Night IV.

Sorry about that.

Liu defeated five other women, including defending champ Jennifer Tilly and the always smokin' hot Erica Schoenberg (at right), to win the title, not that we expect you to still be reading this article at this stage.

For the win, Liu earns a seat into the $25,000 WPT championship event, a tournament she will undoubtedly not win. You can choose not to watch the Travel Channel's broadcast of Ladies Night IV later this year.

Erica Schoenberg Stars in New TV Spots for MANSION

Erica Schoenberg, the 28-year-old poker pro who recently signed a sponsorship deal with MANSION because she, as some may say, is female, better looking than Kathy Liebert and plays poker, or as we may say, is female, better looking than most so-called poker hotties and impressively took 16th at the 2006 WPT Championship (she also just cashed in the $1500 PLO event at the 2006 WSOP), is now starring in a slate of slick TV ads for MansionPoker.net. The campaign consists of six spots that were shot mini-film style in a Prague luxury casino and feature narrations from actor Dougray Scott, who we don't know but you may know from movies like Mission Impossible: II and Armageddon.

The two spots we viewed, "War" and "Shambles," have a bit of a Bodog TV commercial feel to them in that they dramatize the average casino poker room setting with dim lighting, plush decor and players dressed to the nines. Knowing Mansion Poker though, any similarities with Bodog is purely coincidental. They wouldn't knock off another poker site. No way.

Regardless they're a welcome break from the crap Party Poker ads we're bombarded with, and our pals over at AdRants apparently dig the work. We still think though selling a James Bond-like casino experience that has no correlation with the online experience misses the target audience and that the Poker Stars testimonial spots featuring Raymer, Hachem and the other guy who won the WSOP hit the mark best.

If you want to see more photos of Erica, 'cause we know you do, you can check out some here, here and here (scroll down..hot girl in red dress with David Benyamine). A former Blackjack pro, Erica also blogged for a bit over at Card Squad, until she realized there is no future in blogging.