Super Bowl of Poker Not a Terrible Idea

While a Super Bowl of Poker isn't a terrible idea, even a less terrible idea is a Marisa Miller bikini calendar. Miller may be the hottest U.S. American model out there today. View the calendar here. Watch video of her in a bikini here.

Despite whatever issues we reported that he's having with ESPN.com, poker player Bill "The Sports Guy" Simmons is back writing again. For his latest ESPN the Mag column, he does a take on the "New Rules" segment from Real Time With Bill Maher. In it, a poker idea worth merit:

We need a Super Bowl of Poker. I like what happened with the World Series of Poker. The more the merrier, I say. But I was watching one of this year's episodes, and Norm Chad casually mentioned that Phil Hellmuth defeated a 178-man field to win the 1989 title. This year, Hellmuth was playing against a field that was roughly the size of Sacramento. Can't they create an elite tournament that's even bigger in stature than the WSOP or the HORSE tourney? Maybe $100,000 per entry, only 250 pros invited—the cream of the crop—with the winner getting 15 mil and a cool trophy that looks like the Wimbledon tray crossed with a giant ace of spades? Isn't that better than a tournament that's inevitably won by a no-name with a goatee who managed a hardware store three years ago? You'd watch the Super Bowl of Poker. Don't deny it.

There are plenty of flaws in this idea. First, there's no way you could get 250 people to pony up $100,000 a piece. Especially considering that guys who could stake multiple players like Phil Ivey and others who like to gamble and may not have the cash on hand when the tourney is ready to kick off. Second, just because you invite an "elite" player doesn't mean he's going to want to put up the $100,000. Third, some players that have the cash may not see it as a good investment. Jerry Yang may really, really love God but even he's gotta know that God can't love him back THAT much.

However, you could probably get 250 people to pony up $50,000 (150 already do for the H.O.R.S.E. event, an event that many top hold'em specialists don't play) with perhaps the online sites or other sponsors picking up the rest of the tab. Shit, hold it in Europe so you could get Betfair, Party, and Ladbrokes Internet money infused into it. Whatever it takes.

Make it a three-day event and handle it like like ESPN is doing The November Nine^TM where you're only on a day or two tape delay.

At this stage, poker on TV could use a shot in the arm that only somebody you've actually heard of before winning $15M could provide.

Read the full column here.

On Cards, Clinton and Communism

Justin Hartfield, the deputy editor over at the Prometheus Institute, a libertarian think tank, also happens to be a regular card tosser at LA card rooms, where you can usually find him playing Hi/Lo Crazy Pineapple. Recently, as far as we can tell, he wrote an online essay entitled "Poker, the Progressive Tax, and You" that's worth the read for any poli-poker-free-market-social-liberalism types who think Hillary Clinton is a devil woman in pantsuits.

The piece has Hartfield arguing against a progressive tax, an idea supported by Communist (hate them) and Hillary Clinton (hate her more), and he uses a typical night at the Hustler Casino to support his position.

After stating that "[p]oker is a game of American Capitalism at its purest form" where "[t]here is no health care for the professional poker player, nor welfare," Hartfield ponders what would happen if the casino implemented "a progressive tax plan . . . so that the top 20% of the money winners have to give 40% of their earnings back to crappiest players."

Read what he has to say in the article HERE.

We'd opine on the subject but we're busy looking at the Joanna Krupa pics right now. Give us kudos though for finding a pic of a cute girl with a shirt that has Hillary and Communism on it.

GamingPublic.com, Duplicate Poker, and Detective Randy Peterson Throw Popular Poker Sites Under the Bus, So Screw GamingPublic.com, Duplicate Poker, and Detective Randy Peterson

GamingPublic.com, an organization that claims to be an iGaming investment analysis firm and "the center for information on iGaming, industry stats, legal information and investment in publicly listed companies within the sector," but in reality looks like the iGaming investment analysis equivalent of some dickless executive who likes to throw employees under the bus for his own personal gain, has issued some sort of report claiming some sort of new game invented by some sort of "detective" is the tonic to cure what ails online poker in the U.S.

In this press release, GamingPublic.com says:

While companies such as Party Gaming Plc (LSE:PRTY), 888 plc (LSE:888) and Sportingbet Plc (LSE:SBT) are seeing their share prices languish...private companies Pokerstars.com and Fulltiltpoker.com have seen massive increases in their numbers.

These two private companies may be in breach of the Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act of 2006, although there have been arguments bantered about that poker is a game of skill. Nothing could be further from being correct.

Um, way to help pull the poker community together in this time of general outrage against a prohibitionist law while sucker punching two companies with the Fristian-sized-sack to oppose it.

A WCP Public Service Announcement: Vote Today

We here at Wicked Chops Poker love Election Day. It's the one day of the year that truly reflects who we are as a mass population (i.e. a bunch of uninformed, apathetic, take the freedom that we have for granted kind of people, way to go!)

However, let this post serve as a final reminder for those who still feel the sting from the UIGEA and have a Congress(person) or Senator who supported the Act: get out there and let your voice be heard. Sure, your vote may not matter at the end of the day, but at least you'll feel good about yourself while casting that ballot.

And as you set off for the voting booth, please make sure to listen to this catchy little jingle from Bob Stupak, who may or may not still be running for Lt. Governor of Nevada (crank the volume). If you voted for people based on their ability to come up with catchy jingles, Bob Stupak would win in a freaking landslide.

UPDATE: Be sure to check out our friends over at Gambling911.com, who have some great stories on what politicians hate you because you play poker, like Arizona's Jon Kyl. Seriously, Kyl frickin' hates your guts. He told us this personally. Read about some of the efforts to get Kyl out of office, like the Poker Players Against Jon Kyl group that has injected life into a campaign to elect Kyl's opponent, Jim Pederson.

Wicked Chops Poker Is Back...With A Vengeance

We here at Wicked Chops Poker are not afraid to admit when we're wrong.

Last week, like a fickle radio station switching from a classic rock playlist to one of those iPod shuffle "Dave," "Jack," or "Sam" FM formats, we decided to ride the hot trend and begin covering the latest rage: state lotteries.

However, playing state lotteries, games which the Government of this very United States has deemed safe for us to play at will, led us down a dangerous path that we were lucky to survive.

As you read from our State Lottery Trip Reports I & II, playing $100,000 instant scratch off Hold'em games nearly ruined our finances, marriages, clean slated criminal records, and teeth.

So we've learned our lesson. We will no longer play, cover, or even think about state lotteries again. It's back to poker for us. It's safer. It's more fun. And doggone-it, poker likes us.

After the jump, NSFW pics of girls with big boobs, including Wicked Chops Poker Girl of 2006, Keeley Hazell, Wicked Chops Poker Girl of 2005, Joanna Krupa, WCP celeb fave Scarlett Johansson, and newcomer Vida Guerra.

It's nice to be back.

Wicked Chops State Lotteries Road Trip Report – Part I

When the entities that comprised Wicked Chops Poker became the entities that comprise Wicked Chops State Lotteries last week, we immediately began plotting our first roadtrip to test our wicked lottery number picking chops.

So over this past weekend, we did just that. Chops, now a Las Vegas resident, flew back to Atlanta to meet up with the brothers Wicked (the Addict and Snake). They rented a mini-van, bought a road map, and said, “Tennessee, here we come!”

Before we continue though, we must address a few questions you probably have:

1) Entities, why Tennessee? Isn’t that your arch nemesis, Senator Bill Frist’s, home state?
WCP: That’s exactly why we’re going to Tennessee. Well, that and because it’s the closest state to Georgia with Texas Hold’em Poker instant scratch game. And because we’re lazy. We mean, we’re committed to this whole State Lotteries project and our website and all, but not “12 hour drive committed,” you know? Also, we hear Tennessee has great new meth labs. Which might answer…

2) Why a mini-van?
WCP: So we can manufacture crystal meth on the ride, our new bedlam ensuing drug of choice. Cocaine is so 20 years ago. And by “20 years ago” we mean “this past summer.” Here’s the thing though, we started to dabble a little with the meth, and by “dabble” we mean “smoke at least four to five times a day” and we discovered that we ensue forms of bedlam that we never even thought possible for us. Crazy sick shit. Wake up with a horse's cock in your mouth kind of shit. Crazy.

3) Ok, great, so it sounds like bedlam is going to ensue? But when?
WCP: Right now.

Card Player: Bastion of Journalistic Integrity

We here at Wicked Chops Poker are not so much into "journalistic integrity" as we're not into "journalistic integrity."

Don't get us wrong. It's not like we don't occassionally try to provide hard-hitting, opinionated and thought-provoking articles. Cause we do. But we also like to throw in some bombast, which means pompous speech or writing, and a few untruths here and there to spice things up a bit. Essentially, we're like that rico suave guy at the bar saying whatever we can to bang that chick, and you, the reader, are that chick we're trying to bang. Hopefully we're entertaining enough to score on occassion.

So because of this, we don’t prop ourselves up as the ultimate "poker authority" and we have absolutely no qualms with playing favorites or giving preferential treatment to a kind advertiser. However, if we do, we also make it clear to you that we are sacrificing some "journalistic integrity" because it's the right thing to do.

Which apparently is a value that Card Player doesn't see eye-to-eye with us on.

Card Player, coincidentally, claims to be "The Poker Authority." And they are…if "The Poker Authority" now means packing a magazine and website with an almost endless supply of poorly constructed, often boring, stale, and predictable articles WHILE ALSO churning out fluff pieces that are clearly advertising buys for online sites and not telling you, their readers. 

Lawsuit Reveals Why Hiatt Left WPT and Other Things Steve Lipscomb Doesn't Want You to Know

When we got the inside word three weeks ago that Steve Lipscomb was Peacock-blocking Shana Hiatt from taking a gig with NBC, we were unable to get a comment from Hiatt herself, let alone from anyone at WPT or NBC.

But with the lawsuit she dropped yesterday, Hiatt is no longer silent, and she's ready to take the WPT to task.

Indeed, Hiatt makes several damning allegations in her complaint including that she left the World Poker Tour because of harassment by WPT representatives and that Lipscomb himself called NBC to say they can't have Hiatt and has been telling people he "owns Hiatt in poker."

First, on reasons for her leaving, which up until now she merely stated were personal, Hiatt claims that the World Poker Tour became a hostile work environment after she formally complained to them that a brother of a WPT exec was making defamatory statements about her. In the complaint she alleges:

"During the production of World Poker Tour in early 2005, [Hiatt] became aware that defamatory statements were being made about her and her husband by the brother of a senior executive of WPT. Plaintiff's counsel drafted and sent on February 10, 2005 a letter demanding that the brother of the WPT Executive cease and desist from communicating further false and defamatory statements. After this letter was delivered, Plaintiff began experiencing harassment and a deliberate attempt by WPT representatives to make her extremely uncomfortable during production of World Poker Tour episodes. The conduct of WPT and its representatives created a hostile work environment."

So in the Spring of 2005, Hiatt couldn't take this "hostile work environment" any longer and notified Lipscomb that she wanted out (word we have is this took place at the Bay 101 with Hiatt walking out of the meeting crying).

The Price Tag on Jamie Gold's Word

In a recent interview with The New York Times, Patrick Byrne, the new attorney for the embattled Jamie Gold, said, "We don’t believe Mr. Leyser is entitled to any money as a matter of law."

The operative words here, of course, are "as a matter of law."

Because if it was "as a matter of Jamie's word," or "as a matter of principle," or "as a matter of not fucking with poker's longstanding tradition of handshake deals," then Crispin Leyser would likely already have his half, and we'd be able to watch the Main Event on ESPN with at least some sense of enjoyment and a modicum of respect for Jamie Gold's confident table talk and spectacular big stack play (and yes, his fortunate flops).

Instead, we watch the ESPN broadcast hoping somehow, someway it was all just a bad dream, that the past has miraculously changed and someone else like Allen Cunningham or Paul Wasicka (and definitely not Richard Lee) goes on to become the face of poker for the coming year. Someone who would rather talk poker than pitch crap reality TV shows. Someone who would rather stand behind his word than stand behind his lawyers. And someone who didn't let money get the best of him before it was even his to claim.

Regardless of our opinion of Gold's actions and the ugly lawsuit that has ensued, this isn't a one-sided, black-and-white argument. Jamie Gold, himself, isn't totally to blame...

Fast and Furious Journalism Heating Up Poker Tournament Coverage

Let's get this out of the way now, so nothing in this post is lost in translation:

The majority of poker tournament reporting is fucking terrible.

There. We said it.

We here at Wicked Chops Poker love beating dead horses. If you can't kick someone while they're down, then what's the fun of bringing them down in the first place, right?

It's been well documented here and at other fine writing establishments that Card Player set poker journalism back to the steam engine era and journalism in general back to the days of Johanes Gutenburg with its 2006 WSOP coverage.

So it would be unjust of us not to point out when another group does an equally entertaining job of poker reporting. And the WPT Borgata Open has provided us with ample ammo.

From the looks of it, the PR team working on these Borgata updates don't really "know so much" about poker as they really "don't know so much" about poker. It looks like they got this Borgata Poker Open account, realized they knew nothing about poker, then checked out Card Player to figure out how to write updates, and not knowing how bad the Card Player updates are, followed the template of Card Player's legendary bad updates. We can't blame them, because really, they didn't stand a chance.

For example...

Waaaaiiit a minute...so how are state lotteries less like gambling than online poker again?

So this makes a lot of sense.

As you are aware, Congress is trying to pass legislation banning Americans from being able to play online poker. Yet, state lotteries--like the one in Rep. Bob Goodlatte's home turf of Virginia, where your chances of winning are less likely than flopping a straight flush (about 14 million to 1 vs. 20,000 to 1, respectively)--are legal.

If legislators like Bob Goodlatte (at right) have their way, then your best chance at winning poker riches may unfortunately be through the lottery, like Ronald Clyde from Georgia recently did. Clyde, a 53 year-old grocery store stocker from the Atlanta area, just won $500,000 off of a $5 WPT Hold'em Poker game. Clyde is the second Georgian to win the poker jackpot over the past month.

While we say, "Good for Clyde." We also say, "This is bullshit."

The double-standard that red-state politicians (and companies like eBay) have concerning horse betting, lotteries, and online poker is blatantly hypocritical and an absolute insult to the intelligence of their constituencies. It sets a scary precedent on the Government's domain over our personal liberties and how they can dictate what we can and can't spend our money on.

If you agree with us, which unless you believe in communist dictatorships or are perhaps someone in Bob Goodlatte's immediate family, then the Poker Player's Alliance is holding a Phone March on Capital Hill tomorrow so your voice can be heard. Check back with Wicked Chops Poker tomorrow morning, or visit the PPA and PocketFives for more information on how you can participate in keeping online poker legal.

Super Robots of Poker Generation

When we're not cruising the ocean blue in our yacht, covering poker, eating at the world's finest dining establishments, playing poker, or doing our current/first wife, the entities that comprise Wicked Chops Enterprises LLC are known to dabble in a little artificial intelligence (AI) because we're smart like that and frankly, we enjoy a good challenge.

So it comes as no surprise to us that a team of nerds from the University of Alberta are using Texas hold-em as a means to study AI.

We've been doing this kind of research for years. So long that we almost laugh at what the UofA team is doing.

Ha. Ha.

See, one benefit from covering poker is we can program a variety of different playing styles we've witnessed from specific players and put them all at one table for OUR little AI robot, who we call Mr. Roboto (at right), to conquer.

For example, along with the top-notch and "simulated" playing styles of pros like Daniel Negreanu, Michael "the Grinder"Mizrachi, Phil Ivey, and Phil Hellmuth, we also fill the table with the "simulated" styles of people like Rhett Butler (so Mr. Roboto can learn how to handle someone folding over 100 hands in a row at times) and Robert Varkonyi (so Mr. Roboto can face someone who truly just sucks). However, we have not "simulated" the play of any woman yet, since that would probably short circuit the little guy, because we haven't gotten Mr. Roboto to the stage yet where he could compute a woman being good at poker. Listen, we're good, we know, but we're not Albert fucking Einstein.

Anyway, as we've discovered and the Canadian team from UofA can back up, poker is a much more useful way to research AI than, say, chess. Says Michael Bowling from UofA:

"Poker has what are currently some of the biggest challenges to (artificial intelligence) systems, and uncertainty is the primary hurdle that we're facing...but in the real world, knowing everything is just so rare. Everything we do all day long is all about partial information. So poker's much more representative of what the real world's like, and in that sense it becomes a much harder problem."

While we totally could've told you that years ago, we like to provide an occasional "additional" opinion, because it's not about us all the time. So read all about the UofA project here.

CEOs: Super Robots of Profit Generation or Poker Players Who Just Need a Home?

Editor's Note: The following story was contributed to WCP by Beans from Sotherewewere.

CEO Poker has announced that it will be holding a NL tourney for...wait for it...CEOs at the Palms hotel in Vegas, Oct. 22-27. The event should feature over 300 CEO’s from the world of the Internet, Industry, Real Estate, and Fortune 500 companies.

Snake sent me the relevant links this morning from the website and clips from the press release with his favorite bits highlighted and, since I get bored a lot and rarely have anything “better” to do on any given Monday morning, I wrote a rant in response. As we all know, the only way to make your own job feel better is to make other people’s work look stupid.

And...begin:

1. "CEOs are people too and World CEO Entertainment wants to make sure that the public gets to see this first hand via unique events and television shows," – from http://www.ceopoker.net/williamperaza.htm

CEO's aren't people they are super-robots of profit generation who live lives that we can only imagine, and that the entities that comprise Wicked Chops Enterprises, LLC live on a daily basis.

2. www.ceopoker.net - a website that truly sucks

Before I get to the website, it just occurred to me: Aren't Snake or Addict or Chops technically the CEOs of Wicked Chops Enterprises, LLC? Were they not invited? Will the entities that blah, blah, blah abide such a slight without writing a scathing editorial about this farce of an event? (Apparently, I am doing their dirty work)

So the website...apparently CEO Poker isn't so much into creating a website that may remotely look like it caters to the executive crowd. Maybe if the CEOs were in middle-school, and this was their computer class project, then yeah, it would cater to them, but from what I can tell, that's not the case. Also, you can't click through any of their "sponsor" logos. That's fantastic. I'm sure Palms and Bluff are ecstatic about that (I think I’ve provided more links to them in this post than CEO Poker does on their site, I’m also willing to be sponsored….call me). I can't believe they can't even title their page or run spell check. First-class, all the way.

And is it just me, or does this guy, William Peraza, not exactly look like he's successfully CEO'd many businesses? Extra points though for the Barbara Walters/Martha Stewart fuzzy/dreamy background in the pic.

The Sports Guy Has Sour Grapes

One of the biggest non-stories at the 2006 WSOP ME was the entry and prompt exit of Bill "The Sports Guy" Simmons.

We tried to track him down and get some coverage of his non-journey for our readers, but like Crazy Bitch Tiffany Willaims, he barely lasted a couple of hours.

Turns out the Sports Guy had a pretty miserable (and all too typical) WSOP ME experience. No need to summarize, you can read it here. And since you'll read it here, there's also no need for us to get all "nerd" on you by breaking down the many facets of this article that are wrong and misguided.

Which is a shame. Because typically the Sports Guy is spot-on with his opinions. And had he made any sort of run in the WSOP, it would've made a great story to cover and an even better one to read from his perspective.

Unfortunately though, all we have is this, which just sounds like a bunch of sour grapes and is really a lousy way to end a Friday...except we'll have a Parting Shot up later, which should really make up for it all, you ingrates.

Bob Stupak Wants to be Lt. Governor of Nevada

Ok, we've been meaning to comment on this for a week. Because it's fucking creepy.

If you read Card Player as religiously as we do, you've seen this ad for Bob Stupak. It's almost as ubiquitous as the Full Tilt Poker banners. Almost. Actually, the only thing more ubiquitous than Full Tilt Poker banner ads these days is God. Or is that omnipresent? Whatever. Point is, like Savoir Faire, they're everywhere.

So Bob Stupak, the "colorful" professional poker player, lifetime gambler, former casino owner and WSOP bracelet winner, wants to be Lt. Governor of Nevada. Never mind he has no platform to speak of, or at least one we can find or define. That's never stopped the Democrats before, has it?

We’d comment more on this, but if we have to look at that banner for another minute, bad things will happen. At least he seems to love America, which is more than we can say about some people.

This Week's Wicked Chops Life Lesson:Don't Mess with the U.S.

Two weeks ago we dished some worldly wisdom in our first installment of This Week’s Wicked Chops Life Lesson--a new feature we've already managed to skip a week on...but that's neither here nor there.

But our advice seemed to work (although our prediction was off), as everyone kept blogging away like there was no tomorrow. Clearly, a lot of you want to own your own NBA franchise.

For this week's lesson, we focus on a hugely important issue: what's going on with the founding country of Persian Poker, Iran. Because it's getting heavy over there.

As we’ve discussed, Persian Poker is consuming the Middle East with the ferocity of a grizzly bear consuming Timothy Treadwell. Swords are being rattled and feathers are getting ruffled as Iranian leadership in Tehran, which sounds too much like Tehan for our liking, are dragging their feet with America’s latest final table negotiations for peace.

To complicate matters, North Korea and its funny looking, little leader, Kim Jong-il, have plans to test a long range missiles that could have the capability to reach U.S. soil.

Fucking Pyongyang.

Clearly, this axis-of-evil combo isn’t good for America.

(Continue reading after the jump for our actual Life Lesson...)

Spiderman Outs Himself to Press, Will Tobey Maguire Do the Same?

It looks like Peter Parker has done something that Toby Maguire refused to do.

As revealed last week, Spiderman has decided to show his face to the press.

Which is more than Maguire was willing to do at last year's WSOP ME.  As we reported:

Maguire isn't concentrating much on poker playing it appears, as he's spending most of his time shielding his face from the cameras. As Addict overheard him telling a fellow player at his table, Maguire doesn't mind being photographed, "...when it's down to two or three tables, but right now is stupid."

Seriously, it just looked silly.  We'd understand if Maguire was shielding himself from, say, hand grenade-like-pumpkin-shaped explosive weapons launched in his direction by the Green Goblin. That's one thing. Or if someone was throwing hamburgers in his general vicinity. We'd understand that too. People throw hamburgers at us all of the time. And by people we mean "girls." And by "hamburgers" we mean "panties." It's tough. It's really tough. Trust us.

But Maguire's rapid-hand-movement-hot-water-burn-baby-hissy-fit as camera lenses snapped undoubtedly affected his play. And made him look like a pampered movie star. Which is a shame. Since he's actually a great poker player (dare we say...he has wicked poker chops?) and from all accounts is not a pampered movie star. 

So hopefully at Christmas (the WSOP) this year, which is just a few short days away, Maguire will take the lead from the character that transformed him from "almost famous" to "Holy shit that's Tobey Maguire famous" and let the press see his face.

Five Pros, Three Writers, One WSOP Fantasy League

Chops here.

Ludacris, or as his friends like to call him, Christopher Bridges, once said in his Homerian-epic-style poem, “What’s Your Fantasy,” that:

“We go-bots and robots or they got to wait till the show stop
or how 'bout on the beach with black sand
lick up your thigh then call me the pac man
table top or just give me a lap dance
the rock to the park to the point to the flat land”

While you may have no idea what the fuck that means, other than it alludes to some form of oral sex, a lap dance, and perhaps everyone's favorite Go-Bot, Cy-Kill, Luda's wicked flow chops can make any lyric work, even those as asinine as, say, Nickelback's.

This would be on par with how Keeley Hazle (at right, one of our most popular Parting Shots of all time) could make a sundress made out of eyeballs look sexy as hell. Some people just have talent.

What all of the above clearly illustrates though is that I have absolutely no idea how to intro a post about fantasy sports--even if it's a poker fantasy league--and make it sound cool.

Even if the guys playing in it collectively own 7 WSOP bracelets and 4 WPT titles...

Lazy Friday: Bank Robbin', The Chronic-What?-les of Narnia and Orchestra Practice

It was just a typical Lazy Friday on your typical American college campus.

In fact, it was just like a typical Wicked Chops Poker college Friday afternoon.  Below is a dramatization of that typical Friday afternoon:

Chops calls Snake.

Chops: "Snake, what's up dude?"
Snake: "Ah man just gettin' up, about to toke a big fatty."
Chops: "Coooooooool. I’m crackin’ a Bud myself. Hey, you wanna catch a flick?"
Snake: "You mean instead of getting bombed and trying to bang some chick at a bar? Sure! I love going to the movie theater to kick off my weekend!"
Chops: "Dude, I hear you. Can you say, “Tart n’ Tinys and Junior Mints!?”
Snake: “[pause, exhale, cough] Ta[cough]rt n’ Tinys [cough] and Junior [cough] Mints.”
Chops: “Sweet. Call the Addict. We’re hittin’ the movies! Now what should three young college guys go see on a Friday afternoon. Something that will set the tone for the rest of our hellraising weekend...something fantastical…" 
Snake: "Dude. I've got it! DUDE! The Chronicles of Narnia! DUDE!"
Chops: "Good call Dude! I'm soooo into adapted screenplays from fantasy books I sort of read as a child! Come pick me up in an hour!"
Snake: "[pause, exhale] Sweeet. Dude, the Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe meets Snake, Chops, and the Addict. Now that’s a fantasy come true if I’ve ever heard of one."
Chops: "Right on. Oh by the way, can we stop by a Wachovia on the way, so I can rob it?"

That dramatization is EXACTLY like our college days, except: 1) Chops, Snake, and the Addict did not attend the same college; 2) Chops, Snake and the Addict did not even go to college during the same years, for the most part; 3) If we had though, we would not ever once even consider going to see a fantasy flick about witches and sorcerers on a Friday...or any other day; because 4) We were too busy testing the physiological parameters of high-level alcohol toxicity (getting passed-out drunk) while unleashing our "manhoods" inside our co-ed collegial counterparts (getting laid, before we passed out). And besides, college kids are too old to be into witches and sorcerers, because as we've seen, that only leads to finding yourself (and your tongue) in really, really bad places.

Oh yeah, one more point, 5) On the way to the movie we’d never go see in the first place, we would not attempt a truly ill-conceived and half-assed bank robbery.

Then again, we are not Greg Hogan. Jr. 

Cause that’s what he did last December.

The New York Times Magazine just ran a feature on “the dangers” and “growing” addiction of online gambling on college campuses (you'll need to sign up to read the whole thing, it's free). While it is completely and utterly one-sided, it’s still worth a read, if for no other reason than because of the truly excruciating story of its main protagonist, Greg Hogan, Jr.

The State of Online Poker in Washington State

Last week, a watershed event with cataclysmic consequences potentially on par with, say, the eruption of Mt. Rainer, minus the deaths and utter annihilation of a major metropolitan city, happened.

The state of Washington, who hasn't given us much since Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Alice in Chains, and the early 90's version of Nickelback--Candlebox--is once again at the forefront of a movement.  On June 7th, it became a Class C felony to play online poker in Washington (click here to view full bill). 

But like most recent efforts to ban online poker, can the proposed laws really be enforced?  And will the law actually keep anyone from playing?

Wicked Chops Poker spoke with prominent Emerald City player, Seattle John, to get his take on the state of online poker in Washington.

WCP: So, you still gonna play online poker?

SJ: Yes, I am still going to play. I am going to not play for a few days and see if anyone makes any news and how they may catch anyone so I can seek to avoid how they may get caught. I have no idea how it is going to be practical to catch anyone playing. In order to make it stick I would imagine they are going to have to catch you actually playing. They have openly said they are not really going after the individual player but more the sites. But since all sites are offshore they really don't have a chance at stopping them either. I think they law is more for show than anything.

WCP: Then you don't think there's really any way to, say, have ISPs block gaming sites?

SJ: No I don't think there is a practical way to block the sites in our state.

WCP: Has the local media covered this story in detail?

SJ: Yes, it has made the papers, the TV news, and the rumor mill at the cardrooms. It has been all over the press for about two weeks. I watched a small story on the news last night. If you are a poker player and don't know about it you have been under a rock.

WCP: Finally, what's your take on this whole mess?

SJ: I think it is a waste of time and energy. There is no practical way of enforcing the law, and I don't really think it will deter many people from playing online. I think the state should be looking at things that are much more important than trying to stop people from playing poker online. We have legalized cardrooms in this state, a ton of them. So poker is really not the problem. I think they are trying to deter underage gambling with this law the most. If you scare the parents, you get the kids I think.

I think it would have made a lot more sense to figure out a way to legalize it and tax it in this state. That would have been a much more forward looking law. But alas that is not going to happen. I think it is a really bad piece of legislation, and I hope nothing really comes of it because I want to keep playing online.

WCP: Thanks Seattle John.  And readers, as always, lend your support to the PPA to help fight anti-poker legislation.

World Cup Musings and Hot Chicks With Balls

Every four years we're reminded that Americans are immune to World Cup fever. Sure a few people here and there catch the bug. And yes our so-called "immigrants" get excited, but they're also the same people who shout "Osama bin Laden, Osama bin Laden" whenever their home country plays the Red, White and Blue, which would piss us off more if their labor wasn't so darn cheap. But that's another story.

What is the story is that in America the slagging of soccer as a sport has turned into a sport itself; on par or greater than the persistent pondering of whether poker is a sport. For most Americans, watching scoreless games with a bunch of foreigners running around chasing a ball for 90 minutes just isn't as interesting as watching a bunch of large men in pads tackling each other and slapping each other's asses.

This Week’s Wicked Chops Life Lesson

Editor’s Note: "This Week’s Wicked Chops Life Lesson" will be a new weekly feature, pending our enthusiasm to keep it going.  Each article will present a deep and profound poker-or-blogging-centric lesson designed to enrich your life. Take these life lessons to heart and we're confident that you will soon reach the pinnacle of self-actualization, or at the very least, not suck so bad.

Blogging. What a word. What an awful word.

Blogging itself has immediacy. It's cutting-edge, the next next next thing.

But the word itself just sounds uncool. Really uncool. "Yeah man I blog." Just sounds terrible.

Girl: "So what do you do?" Guy: "I blog." Girl: "Yeah ok cool yeah. Hey, what's that behind you?" [girl runs away]

That’s why Mark Cuban should give all of you hope.

Mark Cuban was one of the first well-known bloggers. To those in the sporting community, Cuban put blogging on the map.

Now before Cuban got involved in this whole “blogging” thing, he had already made a billion dollars, but get past that for a minute. Also get past the fact that before blogging, he bought the Dallas Mavericks and turned them around from one of the worst franchises in sports to one of the best. Really, it’s exactly what our hometown Hawks recently did with its ownership group, except exactly different.

Mark Cuban’s Dallas Mavericks are on the verge of winning the NBA title. That’s our Wicked Chops Poker prediction, at least.

And Mark Cuban is just like many of you. He’s just a happy dork who also happens to be a blogger.

Now don’t get us wrong, we love Cubes. (Cubes is what we’d call him if we like hung out and stuff. “Cubes, man, that was so wrong!” is what we’d say to him if he told an inappropriate joke, for example). We don't love Cubes as much as we love, say, you, our readers, but what's not to like about Cubes?

Cubes is to NBA ownership what Quentin Tarantino is to filmmaking. They’re both totally encompassed in their respective fields with enough passion about what they’re doing to fill an arena.

Which leads us to this week’s life lesson: even you one day can own a championship-calibre NBA team. Just keep blogging. Be passionate about blogging. Blog until your fingers bleed. And one day, you’ll get there. You’ll own a NBA team. Just like our buddy Cubes.

Shannon Elizabeth Is In It For The Money

Shannon Elizabeth, who is best known for her role in the groundbreaking Wicked Chops Poker stories "Shannon Elizabeth Goes Down in a Four-Way" and "Shannon Elizabeth is an Actress," recently confronted celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton on the mean streets of Beverly Hills about his numerous posts calling her an "F-lister" and a "celebrity poker circuit slut" who only plays cards for the press and free trips to Vegas.

According to Perez Hilton, who's so light in his loafers he makes Clay Aiken look like the Marlboro Man (not that there's anything wrong with that), Elizabeth explained that she's in poker "for the money" and that the free trips and press were just a "bonus." Elizabeth also explained that she won $50,000 in a poker tournament.

So why are we reporting on some guy calling Shannon Elizabeth an F-lister when his only claim to fame is floggin' F-list celebs online and shillin' Ben Sherman shirts? Have no frickin' clue.

We suppose if we follow the logic of regular WCP comment contributor "YCO/Jack/Whatever He Chooses to Flame By," one frumpy gay guy's Shannon Elizabeth is three straight guys' Clay Aiken or Chad Kroeger and "the bottom line is everything ends up being pretty gay when you 'blog' the hell out of it." Perhaps that's true.

We suppose if we follow the logic of poker blog High On Poker there's something to be said about the need to label other's A-list, B-list, C-list or whatever-list. But we'll let more sophisticated minds debate that.

Finally, we suppose if we follow the logic of our loins we should just shut the hell up and post photos of Shannon Elizabeth, after the jump.

Bob Goodlatte Would've Been a Great Representative...During the Wilson Administration

Rep. Bob Goodlatte (R-VA) would've been an awesome legislator...in 1920. 

And back then, we could give him a pass for not knowing any better.  But just as alcohol prohibition failed, creating enormous law enforcement headaches, Goodlatte's legislation, if it passes, will do the same. 

Today, the House Judiciary Committee will mark up bill H.R. 4777, the Internet Gambling Prohibition Act.

"I am a big advocate of opening up the Internet to all kinds of legitimate uses," says Goodlatte, who then continued with this gem: "But we don't want the Internet to become the Wild West of the 21st century."

Uh, we're about 14 years too late for that one.

Goodlatte continues by saying that Internet gambling leads to "a whole host of ills in society."  The same thing was said before the Government banned alcohol in the 1920s. 

On Goodlatte's website, he claims that Internet gambling currently, "threaten[s] the ability of states to enact and enforce their own laws." However, as Michael Bolcerek, head of the PPA told us, Goodlatte's bill has "no funds allocated for enforcement or a laughable amount."

And twice on Goodlatte's website he states pro-regulate it and tax it facts. First, he says that Internet gambling activities "...suck billions of dollars per year out of the U.S. economy..." And later he says, “Gambling on the Internet has become an extremely lucrative business...Numerous studies have charted the explosive growth of this industry, both by the increases in gambling websites available, and via industry revenues. Internet gambling is now estimated to be a $12 billion industry, with approximately $6 billion coming from bettors based in the U.S." Seems like keeping it within our borders and taxing it might be a smarter route, don't you think, Bob?

The illogic and early 20th century mentality of Goodlatte is remarkable (in a bad way). Visit the PPA today and sign up to help make sure Goodlatte doesn't get his way.

"I Want My Voice Heard." "Why?" "Cause I Feel Like I Got One." Taylor Hicks Will Win American Idol Tonight

While we here at Wicked Chops Poker may have a case of the McPheever that's so strong that the only prescription is more cowbell, but that doesn't mean we don't think Taylor Hicks will "be crowned" American Idol tonight.

And just because that little twerp Ryan Seacrest tempted us with the following line about Katharine: "week after week, she's proven that she's got the chops," well, that won't sway our pick. Although it was tempting.

The American Idol results show may or may not be a staple viewing requirement of the WCP Wednesday night home game.  While about 30 million households may or may not watch AI every week, the fact that we may or may not do watch it doesn't not make us uniquely qualified to pick the winner for this season.  The fact that we've accurately predicted every departure in the top 12 does. 

And with that, we'll go with our pick from the get go (which was against all conventional wisdom, mind you)...Taylor Hicks.  While many may have caught the McPheever, more people will have jumped on the Soul Patrol.

The Office: American TV's Best Poker Show

Like fast food, fast cars, and fasting during Ramadan, America can't get enough of poker. 

New poker-inspired TV shows are popping up more frequently than acne on Barry Bonds' back (allegedly).  From Calvin Ayre's Wild Card Poker to Fox's Speed Poker, TV programmers are continuing to invent new ways to brings America's favorite past-time from the card room to your living room.

Tonight, NBC took it one step further, as it successfully shifted its critically-acclaimed The Office (cast at right watching Rainn Wilson's "Dwight" play Pot Limit Omaha online) from being a sitcom to something totally new and genre-busting: a pokercom.

Which leads to the inevitable question: can pokercoms save the sitcom?

It would be only natural for Steve Carell, star of last year's best poker movie, The 40 Year-Old Virgin, to lead the way with The Office's "corporate re-structuring" as a pokercom.

For those who missed tonight's episode, Steve Carell's character, Michael, throws a casino night where much of the set-up for the show's big finale takes place around a game of no limit Texas hold'em (much like what occurred in The 40 Year-Old Virgin).  After the game, the simmering sexual tension between John Krasinski's "Jim Halpert" and Jenna Fischer's "Pam Beesley" finally comes to a head.   We also learn that monotoned Brian Baumgartner's "Kevin" is a WSOP bracelet winner in deuce-to-seven low-ball. 

Maybe earlier episodes would have been even more entertaining (and garnered better ratings) had they incorporated poker as a key show component from the get-go.  As seen in the scene at left, without poker, it's like the life was just completely sucked out of the show.  Somebody needs to deal these working stiffs some cards!

While the poker action was hard to follow at times, and in some cases, completely, utterly wrong (a hand was won without actually seeing a flop), Wicked Chops Poker must hand it to NBC for finding a new way to present poker to the public--something we didn't think could possibly ever be done again. 

While we won't know for sure until the Nielsen Ratings come out if the pokercom can truly save the sitcom, we definitely like where NBC is not only taking poker, but comedy, as we know it.

Clearly We Went to College In the Wrong Decade

If the founders of Wicked Chops Poker could better remember their college years, we would be pissed.

What we do know is this: the college landscape has shifted like oceanic tectonic plates in the southern Pacific Ocean over the past decade.  And because of this, we are fairly certain that we were robbed.

Back in the early '90's, when Chops and Snake attended UGA and Notre Dame, respectively, America was at the pinnacle (that means "height") of the grunge era.  Girls covered their bodies with baggy clothes, wore more plaid than a Scottish marching band and showered only when necessary.  President Clinton then ushered in an era of do-gooderness, Lilith Fair made women want to unite and feel all empowered and shit, and young women had no true role models from reality TV to set their moral compasses by. Seriously, where was Trishelle (seen here striking her trademark pose/position) when we really needed her most to show young women that it was OK to have casual, carefree, consensual sex...frequently.

It was even worse when Addict was in college. The second world war (eventually given the TRL-esque moniker, WWII) had just come to an end.  Women wore thick pantyhoses, beehive wigs, and one-piece bathing suits.  Indeed, it was a time when everyone may have liked Ike and loved Lucy, but nobody liked the idea of loveless pre-marital intercourse.* 

Even worse, the so-called "Internet" was just laying the concrete that formed its informational super-highways when Chops and Snake were in college.  Chops at least got to experience using personal computers.  Poor Snake was stuck in the purgatory between those loud, obnoxious machines they called "typewriters" and so-called personal computers that were the size of W.O.P.R. 

And Addict, well, just pen and paper by candlelight. 

Oh, how things have changed.  Now, ungrateful, snotty college kids get laptops included with their tuition.  Laptops that are being banned by professors because too many students are playing online poker in the classroom.

Yep, not only do college kids these days get to chase belly-baring co-eds in low-rise jeans who think the idea of getting naked on Girls Gone Wild is, "Like, basically awesome, so..." but they get to play poker online DURING CLASS.  Assholes.

So here's hoping that Pearl Jam's new album, just like their epic Ten did in 1991, ushers in a new era of baggy-clothed, prudish, do-gooder, stinky chicks at colleges across the country.  As we've stated before, we love spite.  And to the younger generation, we spite you.

* The Addict isn't actually THAT old. He started college in that ever so pleasant era of AIDS, mock turtlenecks, acid wash jeans and big, poofy, mall hair. And impressively (well, not academically so), he somehow managed to graduate after Snake and around the same time as Chops.

Which Magician Will Break Through in 2006?

Magic fucking rules.

If you didn’t believe it before today, then surely, surely you do now, with the news that David Copperfield (technically an “Illusionist” but let’s not get tripped up on semantics) escaped robbery by using his magical powers.  We shit you not.

According to the news reports, after being approached by some young thug robbers and (idly standing by while) watching two female friends get pinched, “Copperfield says he turned his pockets inside out to reveal nothing in them, even though he was carrying his passport, wallet and cell phone.”

The young hoodlums fled, clearly baffled by Copperfield’s Merlin-esque magical prowess...not to mention the fact that Copperfield probably creeped the fuck out of them.  Dude is creepy.  Copperfield then got the robbers' license plate number, called 911 (using the cell phone he made magically disappear), and soon the young thugs found themselves behind bars. 

Tying this back to poker, we’ve witnessed dozens (or two) examples of how the amazing powers of David Copperfield and other magicians translates extraordinarily well to the poker table.  Long-time readers of our site are familiar with the so-called “Magician Invasion.”  The Magician Invasion (a phenomenon further developed by one of our favorite bloggers, Kid Dynamite, who will be the subject of our latest Blogfile, dropping tomorrow) detailed the influx (or two total players) that gave up their top hat and cape for sunglasses and ball caps.

To recap, in 2003-2004, Antonio “The Magician” Esfandiari captivated the poker world with his aggressive stylings and “supernatural” ability to read people and catch cards.  Last year, Deal producer Scott Lazar’s death-defying ascension to the WSOP ME final table was no illusion.  Lazar went from pulling rabbits out of his hat to pulling cards out of his ass. 

It should come as no surprise to anyone anymore that magicians are natural born poker players.  As FOWPC and magic aficionado Bones once told us, magicians are “…good poker players because they’re fucking magical.” 

With that in mind, it's time for Wicked Chops Poker to get pro-active on you, as we search for the next magician who will shock the poker world and make “the leap” this year. 

Here’s our top choices:

David Williams a Poke-Her Star? Bodog's Ayre Has a Step Bro Named Cooter?

While Bodog pro David Williams has been wielding his big stack impressively at the WPT Championship, sticking it good to whoever tosses it his way and most recently broke-backing Hoyt Corkins to the rail like he was some light-in-his-loafers cowboy who spends his days folding chinos at The Gap . . .

Ok, we can't continue disrespecting DW (and Hoyt) and talking dirty at the same time, but wagering news site Gambling911.com apparently can.

In response to Wicked Chops Poker's recent commentary on the Bodog Rat Pack photo shoot, in which we said, among other things, that DW was too good of a kid to live up to the Rat Pack hype, Gambling911.com is claiming otherwise with 'breaking news' that David Williams recently starred in a porno called "Young Black *** Worship."

Seriously. Go read the story.

Going to great lengths to give good kid Williams a bad boy image, Gambling911.com has even produced an explicit, NSFW photo of 'Williams' giving a backdoor swirl to some trashy trailer park porn chick. Definitely not a Bodog Girl in the looks department. Although it is hard to see her face.

After thoroughly dissecting our commentary with all too easy/sleazy innuendos, Gambling911.com states, "Alas this tape appears to have been made....well....yesterday... maybe even last night."

Yes, apparently in between hands at the WPT Championship, where Williams currently sits among the chip leaders after Day Two.

Heads-Up With PPA President Michael Bolcerek

“…that’s what gets me up in the morning, going out and stopping this.” – Michael Bolcerek, President of the Poker Player’s Alliance, regarding the latest US legislation to ban online poker

Two weeks ago, as Congressional leaders gathered to discuss the latest legislative efforts to ban online poker in the United States, Michael Bolcerek (at left) made his first major public appearance as the new president of the Poker Players Alliance (PPA).

Along with Chris “Jesus” Ferguson, Howard Lederer, and Greg Raymer, Bolcerek began laying the foundation of a grassroots effort to keep online poker legal for us all.

In a series of emails and phone calls, Wicked Chops Poker discussed with Bolcerek, an avid poker player for the past five years, what the PPA is doing to keep online poker legal, and why we should all be concerned about Congress’s latest legislation.

Chops: First, what is some of your professional background?

Bolcerek: I have over 20 years of experience in the high-tech industry. I’ve run small businesses and have been the CFO for public companies [including Oracle and Nokia].

Chops: How’d you get hooked up with the PPA?

Bolcerek: I was introduced to the PPA by a friend from a weekly home poker game. The PPA was looking for someone with a track record of running small businesses and making them successful. My friend told me to submit a resume, so I submitted one to the [PPA Board of Directors] and they gave me a call back.

I’ve been in the role since February, and I’m loving it. We’re building good momentum and a strong membership base. We’re getting our voice heard. I think the last event we did in D.C. added a lot of visibility to our issues.

But still, we’ve gotta be more even aggressive on the issues. If not, you know, things will happen on Capitol Hill that most people won't even know about. Howard [Lederer] summed it up when he said at our Washington panel discussion, “One day we’ll wake up and it’ll be a like bad hangover. We’ll wake up and find out that we can’t play online poker anymore.”

Chops: To me, I think there are three major issues that should hold the most weight with Congress...

'Story' We Missed: Eva Longoria Is Big

File this under "this isn't a poker story but somehow relates to poker, albeit tenuously, yet it does involve Eva Longoria, and by all standards, she's hot" kind of story. Wicked Chops Poker came across a news bit (via dogpile.com) about Maxim magazine celebrating its 100th issue of soft core porn, sports, gear and stuff with a 75-by-110-foot desert display of Eva Longoria. The Maxim cover girl is seen bikini clad and above her it reads, "THE ONLY MAGAZINE BIG ENOUGH TO BE SEEN FROM SPACE — AND ONLY IN VEGAS!"*

Apparently you can zoom in on this via Google Earth (as seen in the photo). For those unfamiliar with Google Earth, well, Google is now the title sponsor for the planet we inhabit; kind of like the FedEx Orange Bowl, but bigger.

And to get to the poker part, Maxim also celebrated its 100th issue with some poker "tournament" at Steve's new hotel/casino, the Wynn.

And speaking of Maxim, be sure to check out FOWCP and our favorite Hometown Hottie Jen Graham. She's a young actress you'll be hearing more about, both here at Wicked Chops Poker and, if there's any justice in the world, everywhere else.

The actual Eva Longoria Maxim photo without the satellite strain after the jump...

* Also 'Only in Vegas' will be a few WCPers this May 5 thru 9; more on that another time.

El Blanco Pelé Sucks at Poker

At 16, footballer Wayne Rooney was the youngest goal scorer in the history of the Premiership. At 17, he became the youngest player to ever play for England, and when Rooney signed with Manchester United he became the world's richest teenage athlete in a £30 million deal. The man they refer to as El Blanco Pelé (which translates to "Cracker Pelé" or something) has since racked up numerous titles including the "Golden Boy" prize as Europe's best young player, FIFPro's young player of the year and a bounty of "man of the match" accolades. Now in 2006, football fans are saying that it's time for "Wayne's World Cup" as he leads England's charge this summer for its first Cup title in 40 years.

But when it comes to gambling and poker, apparently the 20-year-old star striker is quite the loser.

New Bond Attracts Gay Men, Knows Jack Squat About Poker

(editorial note: If you'd rather just see photos of Sienna Miller, Eva Green and Caterina Murino than read about how the new James Bond is a 'wuss,' 'poof' and 'skirt,' scroll down and click 'continue reading...')

Remember when Wicked Chops Poker almost changed it's name to Wicked Chops Baccarat after hearing that the new Bond film was going to be Casino Royale, which, at least in the book by the same name, had James Bond saving the world in a game of Baccarat?

As we said back then, "Seriously, think of all the teens around the world who will dream of one day becoming the world champ in baccarat after they see the new Bond flick."

Alright, maybe that doesn't ring a bell.

Oh wait, remember that post that had like 5 photos of Brit hottie Sienna Miller, who was also reportedly shagging the new James Bond, Daniel Craig, when she wasn't off bonking Jude Law?

OK, as we were saying, we learned back then that the new Bond film was actually scrapping Baccarat for some funny sounding card game called Texas Hold'em (Why Texas? Hold what? Why the use of an apostrophe?). Well, ever since that announcement, Craig has run into some heavy criticism from Bond fans who think he's just not 007 material. First, word got out that he chipped a tooth during a fight scene (wuss) and then rumors circulated that he suffered heat rash in the Bahamas (poof) and finally we heard that he could only drive automatic cars (skirt).

But most damningly, the British tabloids now report that the new Bond doesn't know how to play poker?

Seriously. No joke.

A source told The Sun newspaper: "Daniel could not play cards - it was so funny. It is a critical part of the film, where Bond shows how cool a customer he is. But it was frustratingly ridiculous how long it took to teach the cast how to play or behave at a poker table."

"Everyone at the hotel has been laughing about a Bond who can't play cards."

Or drive a stick. Or take a punch. Or knows that in warm, humid weather you're suppose to wear loose-fitting, light clothing, such as natural fabrics like cotton that allow the skin to sweat more efficiently than synthetics.

And to make things worse, Craig also just admitted that he's more of a gay magnet than chick draw.

"I was out recently and all these gay guys were over me like a rash, but they never ask about the Bond plot," said Craig.

Kind of like that heat rash you got down in the Bahamas, wasn't it?

But things aren't so bad for Craig. His two co-stars are Eva Green and Caterina Murino. Eva, in case you don't know, is the French temptress who starred in the movie The Dreamers, in which she played a young naked girl who was naked for two hours, as far as we can remember. If you didn't see it, you can watch clips here and here but be warned they're the kind of clips you don't view at work, in front of children or in the presence of your wife, girlfriend or pet.

And if you don't know Caterina Murino, she's that Italian girl who's hot and is co-starring in the new James Bond film with Eva Green. See above.

Pics of all girls mentioned in this post after jump. For our gay reader(s) or the "curious," go here.

“Sir, I Challenge You To A Duel!” Will Spek Accept?

Burr vs. Hamilton.  The Duke of Wellington vs. the 10th Earl of Winchilsea.  Kramer vs. Kramer.  Sealey vs. Spektacular?

Last week, we wrote about a press release issued by online blogger Spektacular. Spek is building a bankroll from $10 to...who knows?  But he's currently over $600.

After seeing this, WCP reader Jeff Sealey, who you will see early next month on FSN playing in the Aussie Millions (where he finished fifth) thought of a wonderful, marvelous idea: “I’ll challenge this guy for some serious money," he thought marvelously.

Sealey, who has wicked online poker chops, will challenge Spek heads-up for Spek’s entire bankroll—except for the $10 that Spek started with.  So if Spek has $610 in his bankroll at the time of the match-up, the challenge will be for $600.  The parameters for this heads-up duel are as follows:

:: The game must take place on Paradise Poker (Sealey’s sponsor).
:: The game will be no limit texas hold’em.
:: Sealey will match Spek’s bankroll (minus the $10) for the prize.  So if Spek wins, he will double his bankroll (minus the $10). If Sealey wins, Spek goes back down to $10.
:: Spek can name the date and time, so long as it’s no earlier than Friday, April 14th (giving us ample time to promote it).

The first stone has been cast. Will Spek rise to the challenge?

PPA Steps Up Fight to Keep Online Poker Legal, But Misses On Some Critical Points

The Poker Player's Alliance (PPA) is cranking up its vocal chords to make sure the public hears its message about keeping online poker legal.

As we've detailed, recent legislation has been introduced by Sen. Jon Kyl (R-AZ), Rep. Jim Leach (R-IA), Rep. Bob Goodlatte (R-VA), and Rep. Jo Ann Davis (R-VA) to color the gray area that is online gambling black, which will cost some big-time companies a lot of green (and provide the founders of Wicked Chops Poker, like Chops at right, with a windfall of newfound free-time).

The most concise and pointed of its efforts comes from the PPA's president, Michael Bolcerek, who wrote an op-ed in Jo Ann Davis' home paper outlining four key points why outlawing (so-called) "Internet" poker is wrong:

1) Banks will be deputized by the Justice Department, harming consumer's privacy.
2) One we like to call (as of now) the "hypocrisy issue." While Davis's and others' bills would outlaw certain forms of gambling (i.e. Internet poker), it keeps horse racing and state lotteries legal.
3) The bill requires Internet service providers remove or disable access to online sites that it deems a violation.
4) The Treasury Department, Justice Department, and FBI will be required to enforce the provisions of the bill, taking resources away from more valuable things things like, perhaps, national security.

While all points have some credence, the privacy and hypocrisy issues carry the most weight.  Point #3 just seems like an inevitable off-shoot from the legislation, and point #4, well, if the same resources that would monitor Internet gambling are sniffing out terrorists, then we're probably in more trouble than we realize.  Which reminds us, fuck Al-Qaeda. 

However, the PPA must weave the following into its argument to make it truly effective...

Response to St. Patty's Question of the Day

After meticulously researching the topic, our response to the user comment of: "...is the poker "fad" over?" goes as follows:

No.

Furlong or Black: Who Is Best Irish Poker Player Ever In the History of the World?

With St. Patty's Day right around the corner, and by "right around the corner" we mean "today," and with 2/3 of the Wicked Chops Poker founding team being half-Irish, it presents us all with an interesting question.  And that question is this:

"Who is the Greatest Irish Poker Player Ever in the History of the World?"

Surely and for good reason the Irish would like to claim Dan Harrington as their own, since his cuz Padraig is in the upper-echelon of Irish pro golfers right now.  But Action Dan is American-born.  And for the purposes of this article, we're focusing on Irish-born-and-bred poker pros.

So this really only leaves us with two options for Greatest Irish Poker Player Ever in the History of the World: 1) 1999 WSOP ME champion Noel Furlong, and 2) 2005 WSOP final table-ist Andy Black.

It's a tough, tough call.  Let's consider the resumes...

St. Patty's Question of the Day

For those of you not already piss drunk off green beer or knee-deep sorting out your NCAA brackets, here's a comment posted on Wicked Chops Poker last night.  Please weigh in if you have an opinion...we will respond once we sober up and sort out our brackets.

Comment: I'd like to offer a suggestion...is the poker "fad" over?

Not the fact that hundreds of thousands of people (and the demo itself is a huge topic of discussion) play poker online or in person, and that number is growing.....just that the 21st century 'culture' of poker...does anyone give a shit about "pro earnings" or "pro tournaments"? It's not like the pro tennis or pro golf tour by any stretch.....

What people care about are the 20-some-odd episodes of the WSOP...other than that, I really question what 'relavance' poker has at this point. I truly believe the fascination with ESPN, etc. and the over-the-top coverage with other cable networks is over.

Anyone have a different viewpoint?

Party’s Over For CEO Richard Segal

Alternate Headline: Lindsay Lohan Has Perfectly Shaped Breasts, Still Needs to Eat a Sandwich (warning: semi NSFW)

Story provided by: Beans

Party Gaming CEO, Richard Segal, has stepped down for personal reasons. According to the press release, he and PartyGaming decided that the CEO of the PartyGaming entity should be located permanently in Gibraltar. As such, PartyGaming wanted Segal to move from Foggy London Town, where he resides with his family, to Gibraltar, the big rock where the PartyGaming empire is centered.

"Given the rapid growth of the company, he and the board agree that the CEO now needs to be located in Gibraltar along with all the other executive directors," PartyGaming said in a statement.

This coming on the heels of an extremely successful year in which PartyGaming brought in revenues of $978 million, a 62% increase from $602 million in 2004.

There seem to be two ways to look at this story:

WPT Out To Ruin Valentine’s Day for Well-Intentioned Men Everywhere

Alternate Title: Yeah, Honey, You Know How I Play Poker All of the Time and Stuff?  Well to Constantly Remind You of That, I’ve Bought You This Beautiful WPT Neclace!!!

The WPT has decided to lend it’s name and image to something that will get every poker playing male in a lot of trouble this Valentine’s Day: WPT Jewelry.   The potential for many a relational bad beat on this is off the charts.

Seriously, let’s try to follow the logic behind this move.  While WPT continues to find interesting ways to capitalize on the poker “fad” sweeping the world by partnering with Jewelry Crossings on this venture, is whatever financial gain they receive from WPT bling enough to justify the possible retribution of shamed males the world over?

Reports Susi Van Wickle, owner of the Jewelry Crossings Company and Web site, “WPT jewelry allows men and women to give a unique gift that incorporates love and love of poker on the most romantic day of the year. The WPT jewelry brings an element of fun to gift-giving for both men and women, and we hope the jewelry brings romance and good luck to all our customers.”

Herein lies the problem.  Many good-intentioned males will buy their significant other an item from this poker-inspired jewelry line thinking, “I like poker, she likes jewelry, this is a win-win situation!”
Unfortunately, what could be less “win-win” than giving her a constant reminder of the monosyllabic grunts she hears in response to her questions while you are in front of your laptop, or the “sshhing” you give her in the middle of a big hand, or the time spent sitting by herself at home while you are out (more than likely) losing money, and the interminable “bad beat” stories that accompany you when you finally come stumbling through the door at 2am.

Just remember, it is never the thought that counts, only what you make her think about (kind of like in poker, “what does he think I have, or what can I make him think I have”, get it?).

Oh, and on a side note, having the “popular comedian 'ANT’” (at right, creepy) showing off one’s jewelry does not a fortune make, nor does using the words “popular” or “comedian” make him either of those things.

Editor's Note: This story was submitted to Wicked Chops Poker by Beaner, aka Beans, aka JW Linde, of sotherewewere.  Beans will be a regular contributor to WCP. Also, for those who think we have too many pictures of attractive women on the site, hopefully the Ant picture cancels out any tingly feelings you might have had from the pics on our last few posts.

A Week On the Bubble: When Poker is for the DAWGS

Chops here.

As much as I hate to admit it, I sure do love a good complainin’ every now and then.

I have no right to complain about much, really.  I know this.  People like me should never complain.  I have it good. 

It’s the people you usually don’t hear complaining who really have something to complain about.  Not me.  Petty little things like college football games or losing a hand you’re a 4-1 favorite to win pre-flop shouldn’t affect me in the grand scheme of things.

So the events that have transpired the past week shouldn’t have me complaining.  They shouldn’t make we want to drink heavily like I was between the ages of 17-28 again.  You know, that uncontrollable vomit-inducing kind of binging.  The kind many of you likely still do.

But for me, the last week was my own personal helluva a week on the bubble.

Paris, Pamela, and Poker

A recent article in Poker 777 discusses how "poker" is becoming the most searched term on the (so-called) Internet.

"Poker" has been a steady climber on the Lycos Top 50, and has now reached the exalted status of the fourth most searched term, right behind Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson (who's been on this list longer than Tommy Lee's...), and Britney Spears.

We're not surprised.  As Paris would say, poker is hot.  And so what if Paris Hilton is the top searched term, and poker is behind her?  It's not a shame to be behind Paris Hilton...even if half of Hollywood already has been.

Thank you, thank you.  We'll be here all week.

We here at Wicked Chops Poker get thousands of hits a week from people searching for poker terms, phrases, news, and events.  We also get a bunch of "Estella Warren" image searches from Europe, thanks to Snakes' article on choosing between her or General Grievous's robotic penis.  It's easily our most searched term.  Obviously, she's huge in Europe.

But for all the normal poker searches we get, we also get some weird shit.

For example, here's some terms that have hit within the past 24 hours...

Hot Poker

No, this has nothing to do with the Cinci teen that attacked his old man with a glass bottle and a fireplace poker.

Kids these days.

This post has more to do with Card Player weighing in on the whole, "why is poker so hot/has poker peaked/is it a fad/what's next" argument and our general take on poker this year. 

Yes, we did cover poker's fadiness way back when, but you didn't see it cause we had about 10 readers at that time.  By now, we hope it's been established that poker's been around for awhile, that everyone is just catching on, and these articles won't keep popping up come next year. 

And there's plenty of reasons why the poker "fad" keeps steamrolling along.  First of all, it's still hot with celebs, and since celebrities are better people than us, it will remain hot with John Q Public.  Because we're all sheep.  It's like, can you believe Nick & Jessica split?  And was Lindsay Lohan seriously poisoned??? Did Jessica do it cause Lindsay is trying to get with Nick? You heard it here first on wickedcelebritychopsgossip.com.

But seriously, back on track, the 2006 WSOP ME has added an extra Day 1, so officials are anticipating even more players than this year's record-breaking 5,600+ field.  And now that the WPT is allowing logos, online sites are filling those games with more players, translating into bigger jackpots.

Wicked Chops Poker will be detailing the rise of poker in 2005 later in the month as we highlight some of the top poker stories of the year.  We'll start this weekend with a diddy on the PartyGaming vs. Empire Poker war of the roses.  Keep an eye out, faithful reader...

Why Does Fox's I-Team Hate Charity Events for Cancer and Children?

Gotta love cheesy investigative journalism.

Here in Atlanta, Fox News's I-Team just aired a feature on charity/fundraiser poker games in Georgia.

We’ve posted numerous times about cops busting up free or charity games in other states.  But damn, it's not like these are charity snuff films.  If people are willing to donate some dollars by playing poker, who really cares?  The charity is happy to get the money.  The players are happy to have gotten some bang out of their charity buck by doing something they enjoy.  We even hosted a charity game, and we were very proud to do it.

But it's the hypocrisy of the whole thing that really gets us...

60 Minutes Internet Gambling Feature: Government Missing Opportunity, Kyl is Clueless

“There’ll be more online poker games per day at the end of this year than all of the casinos in the entire world put together. It’s a huge business.” - Nigel Payne (pictured right), Sportingbet

60 Minutes aired a surprisingly informative (for the masses) and mostly balanced feature on Internet gambling last night.  Anchored by Leslie Stahl, it exponentially exceeded the Dan Rather fluff piece on poker players earlier in the year.  Then again, exponentially exceeding anything Dan Rather does isn’t exactly a Herculean task.

Here’s what we learned:

Poker Cruising, Will It Get easy?

:: snake

I have as much interest in going on a cruise as I do watching some Leonardo DiCaprio documentary on global warming, which is close to nil. I’m not saying I’d never watch such a documentary, it would just have to be done right. You know, like star Leo’s ex Gisele Bunchden and her Brazilian supermodel squad Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, Fernanda Tavares and Ana _______ (fill in the blank with your favorite Amazonian named Ana) showing us just how hot it is getting around the world by walking around in their next-to-nothings on melting polar ice caps and stuff.

Likewise, I’d consider a cruise if it was done right, which should be read as: it’s cheap, offered poker 24 hours a day and wasn't packed with blue haired ladies, bratty kids and smelly people; which in the language of Brazilian supermodels should be read as: meus companheiros de quarto eram Alessandra, Adrianna, Fernanda, e um ou dois dos Anas.

I've actually come kind of close to this once before--the whole Brazilian model cabinmates on a poker cruise thing that is--except my cabinmate was my lovely wife, who’s from Milwaukee, and it was an overnight ferry from Copenhagen to some island in the middle of the Baltic Sea, and we played some heads-up poker for Danish candy and some snack I either don’t remember or never knew what it was in the first place. I was actually hoping some of the young, blonde-haired locals on the ship, which should be read as “everyone on the ship who wasn’t us,” would want to join us for a cash game but they were too busy not knowing how to speak English while entranced in an Olympic handball match on tv and chain smoking Marlboros by the carton.

So yes, all in all, it wasn't the ideal poker cruise scenario, but neither is something like the Card Player Cruise, which, despite offering poker, is still every bit of a carnival to me. And not to rock their boat, as I'm sure people have a grand time, but it's just that if you look at my requirements above, well, let's just say it's probably one too many gramps with a "Don't Forget My Senior Discount" shirt and a few Anas short of what I'm looking for, and costly at that.

I guess what I really want is exactly the opposite of your typical cruise ship experience and that's pretty much what low budget, low frill cruise line easyCruise is going for, and when I heard the other day that easyCruise is considering adding poker to its Atlantic crossing, the odds of me boarding a cruise just got better (still about 3.5:1 though).

Tiffany Williamson: Crazy Bitch

Disclaimer: Wicked Chops Poker loves women.  We admire women, as the photos on our site suggest.  And we respect women...in particular women poker players.  Our respect for women is evidenced by two very healthy (and one-soon-to-be healthy) marriages.  So please note that Wicked Chops Poker would never, EVER seriously call a woman a bitch. 

Tiffany Williamson is a crazy bitch.

Seriously, that bitch is crazy.

Last week, we detailed why Steve Dannenmann will forever be known as the Weaz.  This week, a new nickname for a new face of poker must be dolled out.  And that nickname goes to Tiffany Williamson. 

Because after watching her "play", the only logical conclusion to describe her illogical play is this: she's one crazy ass bitch.

Keep in mind, Wicked Chops Poker doesn't actually think Tiffany Williamson is a bitch.  From what we observed of her at the WSOP, she seemed like good people.  Very nice.  So technically, she's not a bitch. 

She just plays like a crazy person.

Michael "I'm a machine" Mitzrachi is nuts.  Layne Flack can be maniacal.  But risking their entire tournament life (deeeeeep into the WSOP ME) on an all-in re-raise with A-7 against Q-Q?  That's fucking crazy.

No kidding, that bitch is nuttier than a Mr. Goodbar.

How crazy is Tiffany Williamson?  Consider the following examples:

AK-Rod Scolded for Loose Play

As reported here last month, AK-Rod has been spotted in illegal poker clubs all over NYC.  Now multiple media outlets are reporting that the New York Yankees have apparently warned AK-Rod that “playing poker in illegal clubs could be dangerous and harmful to his image.” 

And to this warning and the subsequent AK-Rod backlash, Wicked Chops Poker would like to start the following Bad News Bears in Breaking Training-esque chant (picture William Devane at the Astrodome):

“Let him play!  Let him play!”

That’s right.  We refuse to pile on AK-Rod because he’s been spotted at illegal poker clubs.  We here at Wicked Chops Poker praise him. 

If there’s one elite player in all of sports with absolutely zero street cred, it’s AK-Rod.  He makes Peyton Manning seem ghetto. 

So Amateur: Introducing Steve Dannenmann, aka, The Weaz

Those who watched ESPN's WSOP coverage on Tuesday surely noticed a weasely looking fellow named Steve Dannenmann.  Which one was he?  Dannenenenmannenenman (the eventual WSOP ME runner-up) was the redheaded stepchild giving Lederer the stink eye.  You know, the guy who instantly stood up after bluffing Lederer (one of the all-time class acts) out of a hand, slithered away from the table, called his buddy, and said it looked like, "somebody shot his dog...6-8...I pop him for 30! (weasely laughter)." 

And for his blatant weaselness and misplaced bravado, we will now refer to Steve Dannenmann from here on out as…(drumroll…cymbal): The Weaz.  As you can tell by the above side-by-side graphic representation, the similarities go far beyond The Weaz simply having weasely personality traits.

Bob Costas and Poker: No Love Connection

:: snake

Hey Snorre, meet Bob Costas, the sportscaster's sportscaster, the play-by-play pontificator de puny, and now just one more who has bantered his way on to the bandwagon of bashing poker.

In case you missed it, Costas, while not quite matching your masterful rhetoric that likened poker to sucking the deformed robotic genitalia of some dorky Star Wars character, did unleash a mouthful of mayhem on poker that ranks up there among the best.

The bashing occured on his HBO show "Up to the Second on the Natalee Holloway Case." Oh wait, that's not his show...he wouldn't do that. That's right it's called "Costas Now" . Here's a portion of what Costas said: