Next Year's Wicked Chops Poker Award Winner for Mother of the Year

The Entities who comprise Wicked Chops Poker are a little less than a year away from giving out our next batch of Wicked Chops Poker Awards. However, we have a really, really good idea who will be winning the "Mother of the Year."

It'll be this woman.

According to WWMT in Wyoming, a woman left her kids in a car to play a poker tourney:

Reports say police found the three kids in the parking lot of Woody's Press Box around 1:00 Wednesday morning.

In related news, one of the positive side effects of pregnancy is the natural breast enhancement it gives, and Christina Aguilera's kid is one lucky little dude.

The Wicked Chops Poker Awards - Part III

As promised, the last part of our Wicked Chops Poker Awards is below and ready to go. Read Part I here and Part II here.

Part III is brought to you by Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (at right). Rosie, a Brit, is a Victoria's Secret model billed as the next Kate Moss. Except she's much hotter than Kate Moss and less of a junkie. At least less of one for now.

Best Online Poker Site for Talking Shit: Bodog. Not sure why, but if you're a good shit-talker and like getting under people's skin, Bodog is the place for you to rage. F***ing luckboxes.

Best Online Poker Site for All-In Fests: Full Tilt Poker. If we're looking to get a Kate Moss-esque quick fix and don't have a lot of time to waste, Full Tilt's turbo SNG's basically turn into push monkey all-in fests after the first level or two. Perfect little bump.

Best Online Poker Site if You Like Pictures of Children and Dogs: Poker Stars. We love Poker Stars. We don't like other people's kids or dogs. Somebody needs to conduct a study to determine the percentage of runners on Stars that use a baby/family/dog photo for their icon. We're guessing at least 20%. Gotta be.

Best Poker Blogger Trip Reporter: Kid Dynamite. We keep saying it, but Kid Dynamite is the most under-rated poker blogger out there. And we'll keep saying it until he becomes over-rated and hated. His trip reports are particularly good. Read his latest batch here, here and here.

The Wicked Chops Poker Awards - Part II

Yesterday we introduced the first part of the possibly first annual Wicked Chops Poker Awards. As promised, today = Part II (which is so important we use Roman numerals instead of just the number "2").

Best Breasts in Poker: J.C. Tran. Listen, we have no idea where the "J.C. Tran has spectacular breasts..." thing came from. Couldn't think of anything else to say about the guy and it randomly popped up and the rest is history. Having said that, look at J.C. Tran's spectacular breasts (at right). Those are without one single doubt the best breasts in poker. Yes, Lacey Jones is the hottest girl in poker, but have you seen J.C.'s breasts? How can you even make an argument that someone has better breasts? You can't. It'd be like arguing against Lionel Hutz. You're winning that one every time, son.

Worst Name of a Potential Cellmate if You're Sent to Prison: Hoyt Corkins. The thought of being "hoyt corkin'd" is utterly terrifying.

Best 2+2 Thread of All-Time: The Sklansky/Hawbaker Dramabomb. It was bound to happen. Rumors swirled about some kind of Sklansky/Hawbaker relationship at last year's WSOP (watch the Brandi Hawbaker interview about it). Then it died down. Went away. Then in late February it just blew the f' up (read the 2+2 thread here), culminating in 2+2 banning any known Brandi Hawbaker associates (and the NWP crew) and Sklansky "alluding" to throwing acid on Brandi's face. This one had it all. In fact, we feel safe in saying that we may never see a poker forum thread involving a 60 year-old dude who keeps a vibrator in his glove compartment and hints at throwing acid on a hot girl's face again. Probably.

Best Neverwin Poker Thread: Justin Smith Rolls Bryan Micon. The sheer creativity in this one wins out over the never-ending supply of messed up NWP threads. After Bryan "King of the Degenerates" Micon got rolled for about $12k by Justin Smith, he turned the fuck-you-machine on full-throttle. Micon wouldn't rest until he got paid back. Be it recording countless phone conversation and putting them online, or releasing one digit of Justin Smith's SSN every hour until he got paid back, this one was constant entertainment. Watch Micon's RawVegas.tv interview on the pwning here.

The Wicked Chops Poker Awards

In our Bluff Magazine article this month, we introduced what we think is possibly our first ever Wicked Chops Poker Awards.

Below are those awards. However, we're expanding this list. For real. For the remainder of the week. So check back tomorrow and Friday. Cause this shit is prestigious.

Today's awards are presented by Denise Milani (at right, more here).

Best Poker Player While Drinking Alcohol Award: Scotty Nguyen. Many poker players claim they play better while drunk. But poker isn’t like driving or having sex. For the most part, alcohol impairs your poker judgment and performance, or it at least turns you into a first class a-hole (Exhibit A: Men the Master Nguyen vs. Erick Lindgren WPT World Poker Open this past January). However, Scotty Nguyen defies all logic here. He’s insanely entertaining, makes saying “baby” incredibly cool, and plays some vicious poker while downing longneck after longneck. The dude even pulls off a Jerry Curl mullet. And he’s got a wife that’s not bad on the eyes. See, drinking does really make you more attractive to the opposite sex. That’s an important life lesson there for all of our female readers.

Best Impersonation of Al Krux Award: Jason Lester. Seriously, is there any difference between these two guys? Can any one tell them apart? If Al Krux busts out during Level 1 of a tournament, does he go back up to the cage and re-buy claiming he’s Jason Lester? No one would even question this, right?
UPDATE: Since publishing this one, the same rules apply to Lee Markholt and Lee Watkinson.

Best Poker Nickname: Darrell “Deep” Dicken. OK, so maybe we’re the only ones who call him by this nickname. But seriously, try saying Darrell “Deep” Dicken without laughing. Speaking of deep dicken, here's that link to Denise Milani again.

Best Female Poker Player: Tie. Whoa boy. That’s a funny one. Best female poker player. That’s grand. Pretty sure they’re all tied for last on this one.